Custom house Puns

It’s called Tailor Swift.

They go to the STARbucks.

We just had my mother in law’s funeral on Saturday and during the catered luncheon, a bunch of us have gotten bad food poisoning or Noro Virus. I myself spent last night enduring vomiting, cramping, etc. and my wife is even worse than me. So far, about 20 of us are messed up. Anyway, I’m trying hard to be more positive while acknowledging that this freaking sucks. Y’all have such great ideas on here let’s see what you can come up with…that’s not vomit.

If the customers don't pay their bill, you can go back and repossess their house.

A man was a painter, he sold paint and also painted houses for people. However, he liked to water down the paint and thin it. He would cheat his customers by forcing them to buy more paint than they needed due to the low quality.

One day, while up on a ladder painting a house with his thinned paint a bolt of lightning struck at him and he fell to the ground.

He heard a deep booming voice from heaven yell "repaint and thin no more!"

Customer: "Hey I have to pay my property taxes, but I heard they were on the house"

The lady at the window didn't get it but I let out a hearty chuckle for the dad paying.

Me: "Are you looking for something special today?"

Customer: "Not really, we're about to change all the windows in our house so I can't really afford anything right now."

Me: "Oh, so you're just window shopping, then."

Got a confused "eheh, yeaa" and a weird look but it was worth it.