It was nice. I got taken down roads I didn’t even know existed. I saw pretty views and it took me to a random field on the side of a tiny country road where I found an old water trough with a locked box on top. It was secured with a twig so I took the twig out of the lock hole and opened the box but there was nothing inside
Type: Void
Power: 2.46
z-score: -5.41
/u/cranbrook_aspie, pint of Gloucestershire cider in hand, makes his way through a cheering throng of Labour activists, pub regulars and local families and steps onto a makeshift podium in a suitably prominent location. He clears his throat for silence.
Friends and comrades, I expect you hate long speeches as much as I do, especially in lovely pubs like this one, so I'm going to keep this sort of short and sweet, but let me start by saying what a massive honour it is to have been selected as Labour's candidate for Gloucestershire and Wiltshire this election. It's true that what polling there has been doesn't put Labour ahead in this part of the country, but Labour has a modern, progressive vision for Wiltshire, Gloucestershire and the whole of Britain that puts people first - and I relish the challenge of using every fibre of my being over the campaign period to sell that vision to you, the people of this constituency, and when that's done, of standing up and fighting every day for the people of Wiltshire and Gloucestershire's needs, which are so often overlooked.
You know, when you read about politics you do quite often hear of a 'London bubble' or a 'Westminster bubble' or that the spotlight is always on the part of Britain inside the M25 to the detriment of the rest, and I have to say that it's completely accurate. As I mentioned earlier, the priorities and needs of regions like this almost never get talked about - and the tragic thing about that is there's now a complete disconnect between politicians and ordinary people. (nods and 'hear hear's) Honestly - and I'm sure those of you who are Labour members will agree with me on this - some the most common things I've heard volunteering as a Labour activist round here are 'you're all the same', 'you only care at election time', and 'there's no point voting because whoever gets in nothing will change'. Well, I am telling you right now - this day will go down as the day we fixed that.
Because under a Labour government, things will change for the better for ordinary people here in Swindon and across the country. I notice a lot of you here today are parents who've brought your children along (and I'd like to thank you for doing that, by the way - it's so important that young people get engaged with politics, whatever the party affiliation). Can I just take a quick show of hands here? How many of you had difficulty going back to work after having your child
... keep reading on reddit ➡I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.
The doctor says it terminal.
Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB
Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"
I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual
So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes
r/unclejokes for dirty jokes
r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC
r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes
Punchline !
Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub
Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat
Do your worst!
How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?
We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.
Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.
But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
He lost May
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.
Gender is fluid.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
And now I’m cannelloni
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
And boy are my arms legs.
Put it on my bill
Amy
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Calcium, nickel, neon
