I lost my wife's Lord of the Rings audiobooks
I'll never hear the end of it.
I had a dream that I wrote Lord Of The Rings.
I guess I was Tolkien in my sleep.
What kind of case do you take to Circuit Court?
I keep reading The Lord of the Rings over and over again and I can't stop.
I guess it is just a force of Hobbit
The Lord said "come forth and you shall receive life."
John came fifth and won a toaster.
The girl is the middle of the tennis court
My grandfather was court-martialed from the navy when he fired on a friendly vessel
The Lord of the Rings official pinball machine doesn’t take quarters.
What Sith Lord immobilizes his victims instead of killing them?
Darth Ritis.
Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.
Anyone else here a fan of Fire Emblem? Because I CHROMposed some great puns of one of the main lords!
reddit.com/gallery/jy2d6n
The owner of the Indianpolis Colts will be in trouble if he has to speak in court, because no matter what he says the judge will think...
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"
I hear that Legolas from the Lord of the Rings had an older brother, but he died before Legolas was born.
Did you hear that the court overturned the alcohol levy on a technicality?
Apparently they did not like the syntax.
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
Did you know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence?
For example
- I ate my friend's lunch
- I ate my friend's colon
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
Did you hear about the serfs who rebelled against their lord?
Their resistance was feudal.
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology,
It really bugs me that it isnt.
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
Doctor Doctor! At night in my bed I keep saying lines from The Lord of The Rings
That's ok, you're just Tolkien in your sleep.
Why did Democratic senators boycott the nomination of the new Supreme Court justice?
They just couldn’t Barrett.
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
Did you know that Fruit of the Loom (TM) once took Hanes(TM) to court?
The CEO of IKEA was just selected as the Prime Minister of Sweden
He’s assembling his cabinet.
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?
I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses.
They’re calling it The Two Tires
I keep reciting all of Lord of The Rings in bed
My wife says I need to do something about Tolkien in my sleep.
What is the opposite of isolate?
I’m representing a man in court today charged with tippexing all the full stops out of books.
I’m expecting a long sentence
I need someone to repair the stone wall in the front of my house, but I don’t have a lot of money.
Incidentally, Free Masons are not what they sound like.
All hail the holy antlers of the deer god
The deaf girl didn’t show up to her court case yesterday
It just occurred to me that the opposite of Artificial Intelligence is …
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
What’s the best thing to wear for a court ?
What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court?
What Sith Lord immobilizes his opponents instead of killing them?
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth - and won a toaster.
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
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