Cord cutting Puns

Dad looks at his newborn and says, "You heard the doc, you've got 30 days to find a job and move out."

I think it's time to cut the cord.

My son had just been born, I'm talking freshly cut cord. My mother comes in to see him and notices a bottle of baby shampoo on the table.

"Ooh is that Baby Magic," she asks.

"Nah, he's just an ordinary baby."

Then I realized I was a real dad.

I was delivered via C-section due to the cord being wrapped around my neck. My dad was telling the story about how he was so scared for me and my mom, and then when I came out everything turned out to be alright. So then my dad says he went to cut my umbilical cord and the doctor screams "NO THATS NOT THE UMBILICAL CORD!" as he cuts it.

He's such a dick. No pun intended.