Conservator Puns

Because every morning it wanted him to get woke

Islams it

It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect

“Trump’s Not Down For the Count”

A repub-lichen! It doesn't work as well written down, sorry.

He’s all right now.

They think they're evolving into frisbees.

It's for all in tents and porpoises

Constantine

Now they're left leaning

He was a bison.

Their socialism is just too much

I like them medium rare.

But nowadays, my words are saved!

"Don't worry, man. Everything will be all-right"

Guns and Moses.

What is often characterized as a very conservative organization has taken a stance against racism. I'm not surprised at all though. To anyone who's been paying attention, from its very beginnings, NASCAR has always been veering to the left.

Oreagano.

Wahhabi Lobby

It’s all because of the left-wing liberal median.

I guess you could say they're doing pretty whale

My wife and I were visiting my parents yesterday and we were discussing their neighbor that is pregnant.

My mother: "They got engaged before she got pregnant" My father: "Sometimes they get REALLY engaged"

I groaned.

Because he believed in concealed Carrie.

Nothing below the baste and absolutely no stuffing.

I'm here today to tell you all a horrible story, so that none of you have to go through the same experience as my friend.

My friend, Hugh, is a very religious man, who is also involved in our community. 2 weeks ago, our local church burned down and Hugh believed it was his Christian duty to help them get back on their feet. Hugh allowed the friars of the church to set up a cart in his mall to sell their flowers. Every day, the friars came in at 7:00 in the morning with a bushel of beautiful flowers and began to work diligently to arrange them into bouquets. All was going well, the mall was generating more revenue and the church was making more money than they were by selling the flowers in front of the church on Sunday. Everyone was happy; until that first weekend.

Our town is kinda tourist-y, so we get some out-of-towners on the weekends. A gay couple came to the mall the first weekend that the friars had taken up shop (Typically, our town is pretty progressive, but the friars tended to be uber-conservative). The couple came over to the cart and admired the flowers; they tried to purchase a bouquet, but the friars refused to sell to them. The couple was outraged and went to see Hugh directly. They complained to him that the friars were being discriminatory, so Hugh promised to have a talk with the friars. When Hugh confronted the friars, they refused to sell to the couple on the grounds that “they were committing an atrocity in the eyes of the lord.” The couple stormed off and promised to boycott the cart.

This past weekend, the couple came back with a large group and a letter from the mayor, saying that the friars had to sell to them, regardless of sexual preference. The friars stood firm and refused to sell to them, so the group started a protest. They brought in signs and started chanting around the cart. The friars continued to sell their flowers and Hugh allowed them to remain, so eventually the protest began to boycott the mall, rather than just the cart.

By today, the mall had lost 50% of its normal weekend revenue. The group sent a letter to Hugh saying that they could forgive him if he shut down the flower cart within the week. Hugh was pretty broken up, but he had no choice. To maintain his livelihood, he would have to kick the friars out of his store. He talked with the friars this morning and revoked their previous agreement. The friars had their cart packed and left by 7:30, to huge cheers from the community. The mall has been pretty norm

During the early days of Catholicism there was a huge uproar about the pocket watches that the elite class started carrying to tell time.

The conservative religious leadership at the time determined it to be heresy.

They rounded up anyone wearing watches made by the prominent inventors and burned them and their heretical time pieces.

They were considered some of the most beautiful watches ever made by man but now it is believed that none exist. Although, many historians and collectors still look for them.

Some people just want a watch the world burned.

Back and forth between me and pops: http://imgur.com/j3Ga22p

I told him: "If i'm already playing WoW i'd be more inclined to continue WoW, but if i'm not, i'm not inclined to start - it's the law of conservation of MMOentum"

In college I took a business law class from a very conservative and intense professor who intimidated us by calling us out to answer questions randomly.

One day the teacher was discussing Torts and called on me by name and then said, “Give me one type of Tort?”,

“Pop-Tort”. I blurted out.

The room went completely silent as everyone was waiting for the professor to get very upset and then the unimaginable happened. The professor smiled then chuckled and then the class felt free to join in and laugh too.

A conservative vector field

Got my calculus professor with this one last year.

Thought of this while working, I'm sure it's a real joke already, but I've never heard it.

Q: What did the conservative priest say to the two gay melons that wanted to get married?

A: You guys cantaloupe. :D

Edit: spelling