I asked Carrie if she understands what the consequences would be if every "st" was replaced wit a "w"

Carrie underwood

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geek_fest
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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"Sir, we can't find the tool for making holes and, consequently, can't proceed. What should we do?"

"It's useless. Give up. Awl is lost."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Some unexpected consequences of coronavirus..

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.

In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.

It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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There once was a pirate named Thatch. Every weekend, after a week of looting he would visit the local pub, The White Hart. After drinking to his 'Hart's content', him and his crew would slowly saunter back to their ship. But everytime at the exact same spot, he would turn to his crew and say.

"Boys, I need a moment alone".

He would then go into a small, broken path into the woods. Non dared to follow and risk incurring his wrath. Consequently speculations flowed as plentifully as wine, some saying that he had a stash of hidden treasure, some beliveing that he was searching for a witch doctor. Many went to the location when the captain wasn't there, but found nothing. Finally a day came, when one crew member, either inflated by a false sense of bravado after a particularly succesful raid or just drunk beyond his senses, decided to follow the captain. The crew member, Edwin had made up his mind. He stealthily followed the drunk captain, careful to keep out of sight.

The captain followed the path, for a few minutes but suddenly, at a big stone, deviated from it. Edwin could feel the anticipation rise. He was so close to finally solving the mystery. He followed slowly behind and found himself in a clearing. The first thing he noticed was a large gravestone. The writing on it had been completely eroded and he could not make out any words. Wondering if this was someone the captain paid respects too, he tried to inch closer to get a better look. He could make out the captain's silhouette, facing away from him, into the brush. He was crawling forward when he heard a light pitter patter. In his confusion, forgetting that he wasn't supposed to be there he blurted out "Captain, are you urinating?" The captain slowly turned around, lightly startled. "Oh, Hello Edwin." The captain followed Edwins gaze and looked at the gravestone. He nodded solemnly. "Arr, I Pee"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suki1387
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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When video games were first invented, few people realized how popular they'd become. It's a classic case of unNintendoed consequences.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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I pestered my wife all evening with nonstop corny wordplay jokes until I got β€œthe look”...

I may have encountered some punintended consequences.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?

"No, but I had grate expectations."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grimfel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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[WP] For 24 hours each year, all cats can break any cat laws without consequences. Welcome to the Purrrge. reddit.com/r/WritingPromp…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meaney2415
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
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In addition to Taiwan, the US has also sold torpedoes to Vietnam. Rather than pay money, they traded with a huge bulk of food. The weapons are now called ...

Pho Ton Torpedoes.

(A consequence of reading a front page post about the sale to Taiwan while watching ST:TNG.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalprof
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Being on this subreddit too long may lead to

Punintended consequences

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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The unexpected consequences of adding your dad to Facebook.

This is the story of a dad joke gone horribly (wonderfully) awry.

Early last week, I posted a status about my morning misadventures, which involved me accidentally putting face moisturizer on my toothbrush. This morning, my father reads this and decides to comment, "That's why I keep prep h in the cupboard." But he doesn't comment on my status. He writes this on my wall, without any context at all for innocent bystanders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SonofNeckbone
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2015
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The consequences of the earnest appreciation of dad jokes

http://smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3959

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πŸ‘€︎ u/irpah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2015
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Some classics and the horrible consequences they cause...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jemimaskelley/ten-tickles?utm_term=.seNDBY8Q4&sub=4015207_6808513

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geak78
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2015
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The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me...

My wish would have far reaching consequences.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkenysis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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A plumber and a contractor were arguing about something in a huge box.

The contractor was adamant that whatever was in the box would not go in the building at any cost. The plumber insisted he was just trying to do his job and that it was imperative that the box go into the master bathroom. The contractor turned him away despite warnings that there would be consequences. Upon hearing this, the owner of the building got angry and hired a new contractor. The new contractor also wouldn't allow the contents of the large box into the building. He was also fired and a new contractor hired. This contractor was a fun person, giving the workers breaks and buying them lunch. Out of fondness, the workers warned him that when plumber comes, he should allow the box to go into the building. So the contractor asked how important the contents of the box were and the workers replied, "Two people have been fired for not listening to the plumber, just let that sink in"

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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If FLASH ever makes mistakes...

He has to phase the consequences... Or just travel back in time to correct the past...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evamPUNdit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Barista1: "A customer just complained that their tea was too watery"

Barista2: "Did they leave the bag in long enough?"

Me: "Seems like they had steep consequences."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wiznaibus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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There was a suspicious β€˜accident’ at a construction site. The police investigated all the workers at the job site . . .

It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.

Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty_Entendre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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Do not inhale poisonous gases

Or you will sulfer the consequences.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sumerseth1996
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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I kicked a nasty habit today.

Consequently, the nun wearing it filed assault charges against me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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My wife went into labor and gave birth inside my car.

Consequently we named him Carson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendenmefford
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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24 Feb 2017, Revised Rules and meta-state of /r/puns

Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

I've been very busy with personal stuff for the past few weeks, so I've let this subreddit drift unattended. Reading some of the reports and comments after coming back makes me realize that my absence led to some unwanted events happening!


Let's start with the fun stuff: We now have a new fancy rulebook! If you suspect a post of breaking these rules, feel free to report it in the relevant category, or use (8) other if you suspect it to slip through the cracks of one of the other rules.

Secondly, as of right now, we do not have an explicit rule forbidding inflammatory subjects like race, politics, etc, as the rest of reddit seems to be melting down, but so far we remain unscathed. I wish to let you all crack puns like adults without having to put on training wheels, but if any of the above subjects become a problem then I will swiftly revisit this. Consider this a privilege, not a right, and do try to avoid abusing it! Piggybacking off this, any post that is more 'lewd' than PG should be NSFW tagged. If it is inappropriate for an office setting, I will manually NSFW it, and repeat offenders will have consequences.

Third, you can now request puns! start a self post with [request] and put in whatever information is necessary, such as "[request] puns about clocks".


I'll keep this post stickied for about a week or so, to keep it as a nice feedback net, and we can adjust rules, add/delete/modify them as needed, to keep our subreddit of lovely puns in peak condition!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KetoSaiba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2017
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Every year Dad has to tell it to SOMEONE...

"It's a little known fact that the Titanic was not only transporting passengers, but was also carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise from Hellman's factories in England to consumers in Mexico. After the Titanic had made its trip to New York, the mayonnaise-- supposedly the largest single shipment of the stuff to ever be delivered to Mexico-- was going to be dropped off in the port city Vera Cruz. But unfortunately, when the ship sank, the Mexicans had lost all of the mayonnaise they had ordered. Extremely saddened by their loss and its economic consequences, the Mexicans declared a day that would go down in history as a holiday of remembrance and mourning. And every year on May the 5th they would celebrate...

"Sinko de Mayo."

hyuh hyuh hyuh hyuh hyuh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Icaz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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I ate 3 Burritos today

The consequences were gastronomical

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dviouss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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The Legend of Phillip Turr

Phillip Turr was one of the most handsome men to ever exist. Throughout high school, Phillip Turr was often called Photogenic Phil, due to his heartwarming smile.

Consequently, he was offered a modeling job before college. During his career, articles were often written about how photoshop was not even needed when it came to pictures of Phillip Turr, because he was just so flawless.

On one gloomy day, Phillip Turr was walking to one of his photoshoots and crossed the street at a busy intersection and sadly, Phillip Turr was hit by a reckless driver and was killed.

The next day, one of the photographers at the photoshoot that Phillip Turr was walking to posted a picture on Instagram to commemorate Phillip Turr's life. The picture was of an empty studio.

The caption of the photo read: Here is a picture of the place where the beautiful Phillip Turr would have stood yesterday had he not been tragically killed. RIP. #NoPhilTurr

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CastYourBread
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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I went to a dadjoke contest, but the crowd turned on me when I started telling puns...

I guess you could say there were some punintended consequences.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cmn2207
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
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I was getting breakfast with my roommate

I decided to order tea. A few minutes after the tea arrived at my table, my roommate accidentally knocked it over. He was apologizing profusely and I told him to sleep with one eye open, because the consequences for his actions will be steep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeCort2
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
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I use this one almost daily

I work in a watch and accessory store, which sits directly across from a sephora, consequently we get a lot of husbands, dad's partner's etc. wandering through. They usually make a comment about waiting on some.

My response "Well Fossil is a great place to kill time"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inigomelo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2014
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A plumber and a contractor were arguing about something in a huge box.

The contractor was adamant that whatever was in the box would not go in the building at any cost. The plumber insisted he was just trying to do his job and that it was imperative that the box go into the master bathroom. The contractor turned him away despite warnings that there would be consequences. Upon hearing this, the owner of the building got angry and hired a new contractor. The new contractor also wouldn't allow the contents of the large box into the building. He was also fired and a new contractor hired. This contractor was a fun person, giving the workers breaks and buying them lunch. Out of fondness, the workers warned him that when plumber comes, he should allow the box to go into the building. So the contractor asked how important the contents of the box were and the workers replied, "Two people have been fired for not listening to the plumber, just let that sink in"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LTLazar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report

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