Compensator Puns

He told a «your mother» joke to someone, and the target of it claimed he’d come up with that joke first, and demanded compensation.

I have no idea which way it’ll swing, but I’m gonna bring popcorn to the trial where a judge decide's whether someone’s mother is fair use or public domain…

When asked his occupation, Sven answered, "Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers" The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labor, he awarded him $80 a week unemployment compensation.

Ole was called in next and when asked his occupation he replied, "Diesel Fitter." Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk awarded Ole $160 a week in unemployment compensation.

Sven was FURIOUS when he found out what Ole was awarded. So he stormed back into the office demanding to know why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, "Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labor." "UFF-DAH!!! What skill?" yelled Sven. "I sew da elastic on da knickers, then Ole puts 'em over his head and says, "Yep, diesel fitter."

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

For lease navy dad

It falafel ladder.

Clarence Thomas, in response, said an appeal would be "a fruitless exercise"

I don't know what happened to him all I know is that he got comPENsation.

Every week, I had an appointment with a doctor where they would ask me about my health. They would ask me the same usual questions. This is how it would go:

Dr: Do you get a dry mouth?

Me: Yes but I drink water to compensate.

Dr: Any issues with hearing?

Me: Sorry?

Dr (louder): any issues with hearing?

Me: Beg your pardon?

Dr starts laughing

You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!

He wouldn’t accept any compensation. Called it our house warming gift.

I really think Disney Villains are misunderstood. You have to respect how they pursue their passions. They usually have henchmen or “employees” so I’m guessing there’s a compensation system in place and they are managing a budget to fund all their evil campaigns. And what business model did they have to follow? Was there an Ursula before Ursula? I don’t think so. These villains are business visionaries and they deserve such respect.

"Don't be upset, you're just compensating for inflation."

:|

.. and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, 'There's no charge.' 'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,' she says. 'Honestly, ma'am,' the mortician says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' 'So I just switched the heads.'