Stay tuned
Guess it was Progressive.
But his Net income always put me off.
I really hope Tide had another commercial ready just in case.
Edit: Thank you for the Reddit Gold, kind stranger! My first!
Seems like they were just half-assing it.
I told him, "It's a tie, dad"
I didn’t think I would get it, but then I pulled some strings.
Against my better judgement, I followed my doctor's advice.
They don't make any scents
The director said I was perfect for that roll.
They don't make any scents!
...they're always crushing the blacks.
You could say the decision was pretty spa-radic
Well, my comeback to that is, whether you are so over it or not, it is certainly all over you.
I told him it was because of their scents of humor.
He keeps getting older, but his cars stay the same age.
"Jesus of Nazareth will return."
My clients get their asses handed to them.
"I camembert if I’ve told you today, but just in queso I haven’t, you're looking sharp! I havarti accepted you stilton love “cheesy” holidays, but ricotta think things can only get feta with a little roman(ce)o. It colby just me, but I swiss you very much when we’re apart. It’s cheddar when we’re together because then I don’t feel provolone. I think we go gouda together, and I want to grow mold with you. Wheel you brie my valentine?"
Her: I hate that ad because it gets stuck in my head!
Me: Do you know what's stuck in my head?
Her: No, what?
Me: My brain
So am I supposed to use a dishwasher then?
I don't know if this is a nationwide thing, but in New Jersey, we get commercials for a brand of eggs called "Eggland's Best."
Their slogan is "better eggs" so every time the commercial comes on, my dad says, without fail, "Who says they're the best? The egg-sperts!"
Boyfriend: So how many kids does The Rock have?
Me: Two.
B: Both daughters, or is one a son?
M: Both daughters.
B: He should have another kid so that he can have a boy and take a family photo, where it's the boy, his two daughters, and then him standing on the end. 'Cause you know what he'd be then?
M: What?
B: Third Rock from the son.
He's sleeping outside tonight.
We skip most of the football due to the annoying announcers, confusing rules and frequent replay delays, but I was able to come up with an answer when he asked what happens when both teams fail to score in OT. It’s a tie, Dad.
Now that's what I call Artificial in-telly gents.
Hoe, hoe, hoe, green giant.
And they say you cant create your own destiny.
... is still struggling to get off the ground."
Like title says, during a commercial for Botox to treat migraines, the wife casually states.
"Psht, Migraines. I think it's all in their head."
She promptly received a high five.
That's my jam!
Her: Hey it's Snowden!
Me: That's impossible. It's hot outside!
TV: I dropped 40 pounds on Jenny Craig!
Dad: Well, did it kill her?
Me: exasperated eye-roll
Dad: I don't know why he's so fucking jolly, he only comes once a year...
"Not Yeti."
"Imagine someone cooking right? And they're wearing a white dress. And all of a sudden some spaghetti sauce splashes onto her. Her husband says, hey honey, washout. Like shout. Watch out. Get it?"
Thanks dad
Sister: Dad, when are you going to have to get one of those?
Dad: What?
Sister: When are you going to have to get a hearing aid?
Dad: What?
They were talking about our 16th president. Dad looks at me and said "do you think Abe Lincoln would have driven a jeep?" I look at him puzzled..then he says "I think he would have driven a Lincoln!"
During commercial break, a Fiat ad came on TV, showing Godzilla eating Fiat 500s. My mom first said, "guess he's in the mood for Italian?" My dad added, "Yes, he wanted Car-rabba's." I went into the halls of extinction after that.
If Sherlock Holmes was constipated, would that be "No shit Sherlock"?
Fucking dad
