I have decided to go to a city in SW France to study history and art.
I figure, what do I have Toulouse.
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︎ Jul 25 2020
I wish I could travel to a pleasant city on the French Riviera...
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︎ Jul 19 2020
The Government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns...
It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquillity and normality following the recent pandemic.
Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.
EDIT: Thank you so much for my first award!
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︎ Jun 04 2020
When I first heard the proposal to rename Oklahoma City after Ohio, I was confused as to why anyone would want that. But after hearing someone explain the logic behind it, I thought to myself:
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︎ Jul 23 2020
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck drivers they must donate all unsold items each night.
I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...
How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Some cities have bathrooms that you pay to use.
You could say they are charging a Pee-mium.
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︎ Feb 13 2020
I had to moove to another city...
...because cows have been making me crazy back there.
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︎ May 26 2020
A group of friends are heading through Louisville and a debate ensues as to how to pronounce the name of the city.
One says it's Lewis-Ville. The next one says the locals say Lew-ville and the last one says they say Lewie-ville. After arguing for a few minutes they see a place to get some lunch. They all agree it would be great to hear how the locals pronounce the name of their city. They all go up to the counter and one says, could you tell me where we are and please say it slowly. BURR-GURR-KIIING!!!
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︎ Mar 26 2020
I went to Dublin on holiday and discovered it's the biggest city in the WORLD.
It just keeps Dublin and Dublin
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︎ Jan 20 2020
A yearly tradition, my family gets together and everyone rides in a wagon thru the city, saying "hello" to all people on the street...
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︎ Dec 24 2019
So, I was on the train the other day, and you know how it takes a while to get to the city, well my phone battery was flat and I didn't have a book, so I was a bit bored, but then I realised that there is all this cool graffiti on the tunnel walls... and um... so my phone was dead... and.. the city?
Oh darn it! I lost my train of thought.
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︎ Jan 22 2020
If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your butthole to a city network of buttholes.
And that's a huge ass connection
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︎ Sep 16 2019
I asked the surfer dude if he had a document laying out the things to do in his beautiful city. He said:
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︎ Nov 10 2019
Dudeβs going to Maine and thereβs a city called βBangorβ which is kind of like the word βbangerβ which means really cool, fun, great, etc.
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︎ Aug 02 2019
I secured funding to build the new city airport
Things are starting to take off around here
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︎ Oct 06 2019
I offered to take my friend to a popular German city.
He was so grateful.
I said "Don't Munchen it"
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︎ Sep 22 2019
New York City once had 4 sections and New Jersey needed to borough one.
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︎ Jul 23 2019
You know what New York City said to London when it was his turn?
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︎ Jun 10 2019
I just sold my collection of Swiss watches to a friend in Mexico City.
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︎ Jul 19 2019
The city of St. Louis is offering huge tax breaks to major corporations so that big businesses can move in.
Because Missouri loves Company.
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︎ May 19 2019
My farmer friend is moving to the city, and he has to give up his favourite horse for adoption.
He wants it to grow up in a stable environment.
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︎ Jun 28 2019
What's the sister city to Istanbul?
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 24 2019
My son went to Salt Lake City today.
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︎ Aug 22 2018
I canβt believe the entirety of Jefferson City had to go see a therapist.
Itβs sad, everyone is in a constant state of Missouri.
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︎ May 24 2019
Cottage cheese is just cheese that doesnβt want to live in the city anymore.
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︎ Oct 17 2018
What city has a college to solve any problem?
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 03 2019
Jason Bourne visited an Australian city to see his sister.
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︎ Jan 24 2019
Went to check what fuel was used in the Vatican City
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︎ Feb 20 2019
When my friend from New York City drove to Nebraska in his Honda SUV, he went for a walk in the countryside...
He was out of his Element.
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︎ Mar 20 2019
Went to visit my brother in the city and noticed he had cute little statues in his garden that lit up and moved around with the music he had piped out there.
He said they were metro gnomes.
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︎ Jan 24 2019
I angered some country music fans while driving from Lake City to Valdosta
Apparently I had crossed the Florida Georgia Line
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︎ Dec 31 2018
My father offered to pay for a trip to any city in France
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︎ May 10 2018
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︎ Jan 26 2015
Country girl goes to visit her big city cousin.
So the two girls get invited to a dance. The country girl thinks this might be too high brow for her, and tells her cousin, βGolly, them city fellers might think Iβm just a dumb hick.β Her cousin says, βDonβt worry. Just do as I do and youβll be fine.β After hours of dancing they got tired, so they sat down. Another guy comes and asks the city girl to dance. She smiles sweetly and says βIβm contemplating matrimony and I think Iβd like to sit.β So when the next guy comes up to ask the country girl to dance she smiles confidently and says, βIβm constipated on macaroni and I think Iβd like to shit.β
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︎ Aug 01 2018
What did the Spanish farmer tell his dad before moving to the city?
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︎ Jul 26 2015
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︎ Apr 11 2015
The city council wanted to install a new traffic light at the busy intersection
They just needed the mayor to green light the project
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︎ Sep 13 2018
Amsterdam will be one of the first major cities to be wiped out by sea level rise due to climate change
I guess it will be Amsterdamned.
That's quite ironic, isn't it supposed to serve as a dam?
source: http://geology.com/sea-level-rise/
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︎ Feb 03 2017
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︎ Aug 13 2014
The city boy asked the ranch hand how to tell a cow from a bull
"Just look underneath and count the dangly bits. If it's not one thing, it's an udder"
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︎ Feb 23 2017
A chicken went to visit New York City to visit her brother who had just laid an egg.
A New York new yolk.
My 8 year old daughter just made this one up over dinner in little Italy. We're in the city visiting my wife's brother's family who had their first baby last summer. I was pretty impressed and had to share.
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︎ Dec 28 2016
A city slicker moves to the country with the idea to start a farm.
He can't afford to buy a whole herd of cows all at once, but he figures he can start small and work up. So he buys a dozen cows and two bulls. He puts the bulls in separate pastures, and splits the cows evenly, and waits. After a couple weeks, he realizes that most of the cows in one pasture are pregnant, but on the other side of the fence, nothing has been happening. He calls up his neighbor, Elmer, an old country feller who has been farming since he could walk.
"See, there's your problem," the old man says, "That one's a bull, but the other's a steer."
The city slicker says, "Well, I don't know what the difference is. Could you put it in terms I might understand better?"
Elmer says, "Well..."
"One's regular and the other is de-calf."
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︎ Oct 08 2014
From now on, refer to Seattle as "Space Haystack City" why?
Because that's where you'll find The Space Needle, OBVIOUSLY.
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 10 2017
What did they say to force the city's leader to take a vacation?
This mayor may not work...
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︎ Jan 09 2017
What did the construction worker do after he moved to a new city?
He built himself a new life.
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︎ May 19 2013
So, I asked my Mayor for a Key to the City...
but he said it would be anarkey to give it away.
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 26 2016
I've often thought of moving away from the big city to the Occitanie region
but then I realize there's just too much Toulouse.
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︎ Dec 19 2016
Got my mom and my sister yesterday as I was driving them to the city.
Mom: Don't you want to be in the right lane?
Me: Well I don't want to be in the wrong lane that's for sure.
Sighs flooded the car
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︎ Dec 20 2014
My In-Laws Went to Salt Lake City...
...They learned a lot of history about Joseph Smith, who apparently had close to 40 wives. They were telling us this, and my mother-in-law said that he once stated that he "thought no more of taking another wife than buying a cow", to which my wife commented "...Wivestock!"
I love her so much.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 27 2015
How does the pope get from city to city?
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︎ Sep 22 2015
My dad occasionally likes to go gambling in Atlantic City...
Me: How did you like Atlantic City?
Dad: It was great! I came home with a small fortune!
Me: Wow! How did you manage that?
Dad: Well, I left home with a large fortune.
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︎ Aug 01 2015
While waiting to checkout at Party City, I see a dad buying at least two dozen inflated birthday balloons...
Older gent in front of me pipes up.
"You're certainly light on your feet!"
He looked so pleased with himself.
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︎ Mar 09 2014
My pregnant wife and I are preparing for a move to a new city and she has been taping up boxes and placing them on the floor around my desk.
I told her that she is really boxing me in.
Can't wait until these dad jokes become official.
http://i.imgur.com/np9XSde.jpg
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︎ Jan 04 2014
If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your butthole to a city network of buttholes...
And that's a huge ass connection.
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 21 2019
If you sit on a toilet seat, you are connecting your butthole to a city network of buttholes.
And that's a huge ass connection.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 17 2019
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