Childhood gender nonconformity Puns

It’s plaguing me and making me actually think I’m trans. When I was younger, I would pretend (in my mind) to be a girl (I’m a boy btw) in situations where I was told i could only do things if I were a girl like dance to Beyoncé or doing the splits.

When I was younger, I always wanted a mustache, muscles, and a big...package if you know what I mean. But I vaguely remember being around 13 and I saw my chest looked like it was budding female boobs. At the time I was like “this is cool”. I can’t remember the exact emotion I attached to noticing the boobs. I don’t know if I was happy, just ok, etc I just know I wasn’t upset. But after people started noticing them and actually mistaking me for a girl I was depressed because...I wasn’t a girl or at least didn’t want to be perceived as one.

My mind is making me think this means I’m a trans woman or non-binary because I had these aspects of gender nonconformity when I was younger.

Since I've started to finally deal with my gender dysphoria in August, I keep getting hit with waves of memories of all of the gender-nonconforming stuff from my childhood and adolescence.

• I always wanted to be tall and strong as a kid.
• I wanted to be able to shave like my dad (but also to cook like my grandmother)
• I wanted to be able to play "boys'" sports like Little League and could not understand why they wanted me to switch to softball.
• When I grew boobs (age 9) I started wearing a bra around the clock, even to bed, because the way they jiggled grossed me out and it freaked me out that people could see them.
• I always wanted short hair.
• I loved contact sports/games (i.e. Red Rover, martial arts, rough games of soccer, etc).

It's like OOOH THAT'S WHAT THAT WAS.

Did anyone else have something similar when they first began to understand/ deal with the fact that they're not cis?

Edit: formatting is hard.

Please just let us return to like an actual underground of queer culture that’s legitimately subversive and cringe in an earnest rather than corporate way. Obviously it’s never going to happen but goddamn. Outside of small pockets of culture and art (and even those are actively kneecapped by mainstream yass queen straight-palatable lgbt culture,) the future is extremely bleak. The ideal capitalist subject is the gay male gentrifier.

This is something that we need to have a sober, honest, realistic conversation about. While we always want to believe in the legitimacy of people's feelings when it comes to trans matters, we need to take a look at the context instead of just people's own accounts of their feelings, and see what other causes might be at play. And we also need to look at broader social trends, and the peer pressures and social suggestions that might be motivating those thoughts and feelings. After all, it's easy for people who socially stigmatized to wonder "wouldn't it be easier if...", and if there's then a hugboxing, cultlike community that's happy to affirm them and accept them into their echo chamber, all while feeding them a convenient narrative that offers them a way out of their shame, then that can be very tempting.

Which is why we need to talk about the social contagion of ROGD, or Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria, a social contagion sweeping through ashamed and insecure parents. Parents of trans and nonbinary adolescents often face social stigma and ostracism from their peers, as well as internalized transpatriphobia or transmatriphobia, and will often feel ashamed of their trans parental status. This leaves them looking for any way out, and makes them vulnerable to suggestion and social trends that offer them an escape from their stigmatized status, and the cultlike ROGD community is happy to offer them an explanation. "I can just live as the parent of an ROGD child who I push into desistance, and then I won't get bullied anymore!"

The temptation is real, but the truth is, they would be living a lie and mutilating their child's body with hormones that will potentially make them unable to live a normal life, and lead to transition-blocking regret when their child turns 18 and never speaks to them again. But of course, none of this matters to the ROGD community, who mindlessly affirm the parents' feelings, provide them with a welcoming community that they might not otherwise have, and dismiss anyone who raises counterevidence or concerns about their TRA dogma as an evil "TRA".

Parents of autistic trans adolescents are especially vulnerable to this kind of social contagion, as their neurotypical brains are incapable of applying theory of the mind to autistic people, so they're susceptible to simplistic, literal-minded ideas like "autism makes my son/daughter a mindless robot without any kind of higher thinking or agency."

Ultimately, as tempting as it is to give

Gender is not a mere duality of identity vs. expression as the LGBTQ community frequently tries to portray, but rather consists of many discrete attributes which may or may not be in alignment:

• self-concept
• identity
• pronouns
• honourifics
• given name
• behaviors
• mannerisms
• appearance
• ambitions
• interests

In recent years the identity vs. expression dichotomy has continued to breakdown (much like the fallacious cis-vs-trans dichotomy) as more and more non-trans people have begun adopting gender neutral pronouns. Yet it has become difficult to ascertain whether use of non-normative pronouns qualifies as "gender expression".

Technically pronouns and honourifics serve as a distinct means of gender attribution, much in the same way as do identity labels. Therefore, pronouns and honourifics serve to validate one's sense of self. So these are rightfully neither gender identity nor gender expression but a separate characteristic of gender.

Then of course, given names are often a means of attributing one's gender, again not unlike identity. In some cultures, such as Scandinavia, given names are directly associated with assigned sex by tradition. Hence, this is another characteristic of gender that is neither identity nor expression.

Finally, we have ambitions and interests which encompass one's aspirations, goals, etc. which in Western society are often informed by binary gender norms. This again does not directly correlate with identity nor expression, but rather is another characteristic of gender.

This leaves only appearance (clothing, hairstyles, etc.) and behavior (mannerisms, speech patterns, etc.) as traits that one can sufficiently argue pertain to gender expression. In the grand scheme, therefore, gender expression is but a mere fraction of the many different characteristics that fully comprise gender nonconformity.

So then the question comes up, why do most sites still attempt to define "gender nonconforming" only with respect to appearance and behavior, or so-called "gender expression"?

I don't think there is a single answer. Much of it comes down to sheer ignorance. Hence why we still have the overly simplistic cis-vs-trans dichotomy dominating LGBTQ discourse. People just love forcing people into binaries, and they cannot possibly conceive that maybe gender is significantly more complex and nuanced than two diametrically opposed lived realities.

So what exactly then is "gender nonconformity"? I would argue that it encompasses defi

I certainly didn't choose to be feminine. Most of the gender nonconforming people I know are not making a choice either. It is their personal nature, one which society does not accept because it does not align with the norms and expectations for their birth assigned sex.

To suggest that a feminine boy who is alienated by his peers and derided by his parents for being his authentic self somehow made that choice is as uninformed as homophobes suggesting that gay men and lesbians opted to be attracted to the same-sex. It reverses decades of work into queer theory by trans-feminists like Judith Butler, Julia Serano, Riki Wilchins, Susan Stryker, and many others.

Moreover, this dangerous sentiment reifies toxic masculinity whereby fathers can compel their sons to "man up" or school bullies can taunt campy boys, "stop being a pussy" because it's assumed that effeminate male youth made that "choice", and thus their gender atypical thoughts, feelings, mannerisms, and behaviors can be corrected through verbal harassment, assault, and battery in addition to psychiatric reform.

In truth, there is a very thin distinction between nonbinary and being gender nonconforming, and it ultimately comes down to semantics. Some people feel the need to adopt a gender identity in order to be validated, whereas others simply have no interest in boxing themselves into yet another label to be accepted as their true self.

Suggesting that the only acceptable way to qualify as a gender minority is to self-identify as another gender, is merely playing along with the cissexist mandate that all people must have a gender identity that corresponds with their social role. Such gatekeeping and acceptability politics are the very opposite of gender liberation.

I would actually think tucutes were a good thing for society if they didn't appropriate trans experiences in the process. Even things like neopronouns encourage exploration & expression of gender / gender roles within a rigidly gendered society.

If a kid wants to identify as "vampself" because they're way too into vampires, good on them for the self expression. Just don't pretend it's the same thing as the medical condition that defined the first two decades of my life.

The experiences aren't even remotely similar, the goals normally aren't similar, the motivations aren't similar, why are we under the same umbrella?

Bring back "transsexual", make a new term for us, make a new term for them, I don't care. I just don't want them to directly impact social perception of me.

I'm particularly interested in southern Slavs, but any information on the subject is welcome.

Book or paper recommendations on pagan Slavic culture in general is appreciated.

    Myself [21M] and my partner [21F] have been dating and living together for two years. When we first began dating they identified as pan and bisexual. I have not had any issue identifying I am heterosexual.
   They have been dealing with anxiety and depression for the duration of our relationship and has also stopped going to their therapist lately. Over the course of the year they have been developing more masculine behavior.
     They used to be into being a little and is not anymore, they cut all of their hair off and tries to stylish it in her words “boyish”, they also has been wearing only masculine clothing more, as well, their pronouns have changed to he/them and started wearing a chest binder 24 hours a day.
      Recently they invited a friend over  to stay and they we’re very cuddly and intimate with their friend. This does not bother me, I’ve discussed with them that I’m open to a polyamorous heteroromantic relationship. What concerns me is that the way their intimate interaction was with their friend was very masculine.
   
       Overall, my perception of my partner is that, I think they are experimenting with gender nonconformity. I’m very confused and concerned for the future of our relationship. I was planning on proposing after three years, and now I’m insure and I don’t know how to approach this. I don’t think I would be able to find her attractive if she transitioned ftm. I’m already having issues with that now slightly. Does anyone have any thoughts or guidance?

I’m someone who has been questioning my gender identity, and have wondered if I would be happy crossdressing and being gender nonconforming. But then I started simply painting my nails, and have gotten such a huge amount of euphoria simply from that that I rarely ever think to crossdress. Has anyone else ever encountered something like that?

A lot of people will say “gender nonconformity has always been alert of lesbian culture!” yes it has but that would be butch and androgynous women not non binary people. Gender nonconformity means you don’t conform to the traditional stereotypes of your gender it would be more like a woman wearing a suit or a man wearing heels So no the dark orange stripe on the lesbian flag does not defend non women “lesbians”.

Stone butch blues also does not defend the existence of non women “lesbians”. Drag kings are still women. It’s just an act that they do for personal enjoyment and for a performance usually. The white stripe on the lesbian flag means unique relationships to womanhood not NB lesbians. I can’t tell you how many people have said that it means NB lesbians when it doesn’t.

I (49 MTF) am recently dating and wondering when other girls tell their dates about that little secret? I've been on HRT for nearly three years. I pass nearly all the time but I have days where my confidence is ill-earned apparently.

I have been up front, but I've been ghosted by so many would-be first dates, I'm thinking that up front honesty might have to take a back seat.

Thoughts?

I feel like various groups have made the whole gender issue far more complicated than it really needs to be.

People don't feel as though they fit into the specific gender boxes of "male" or "female". It would seem that the solution to not fitting into a box is that people are creating their own boxes.

Should we not rather travel down the path of accepting that the specific traits of each gender are fluid, rather than that each element of fluidity represents a different gender/box?

It just seems like the need to label everything is exactly what we're trying to get away from in the first place.

Gender is not a mere duality of identity vs. expression as the LGBTQ community frequently tries to portray, but rather consists of many discrete attributes which may or may not be in alignment:

• self-concept
• identity
• pronouns
• honourifics
• given name
• behaviors
• mannerisms
• appearance
• ambitions
• interests

In recent years the identity vs. expression dichotomy has continued to breakdown (much like the fallacious cis-vs-trans dichotomy) as more and more non-trans people have begun adopting gender neutral pronouns. Yet it has become difficult to ascertain whether use of non-normative pronouns qualifies as "gender expression".

Technically pronouns and honourifics serve as a distinct means of gender attribution, much in the same way as do identity labels. Therefore, pronouns and honourifics serve to validate one's sense of self. So these are rightfully neither gender identity nor gender expression but a separate characteristic of gender.

Then of course, given names are often a means of attributing one's gender, again not unlike identity. In some cultures, such as Scandinavia, given names are directly associated with assigned sex by tradition. Hence, this is another characteristic of gender that is neither identity nor expression.

Finally, we have ambitions and interests which encompass one's aspirations, goals, etc. which in Western society are often informed by binary gender norms. This again does not directly correlate with identity nor expression, but rather is another characteristic of gender.

This leaves only appearance (clothing, hairstyles, etc.) and behavior (mannerisms, speech patterns, etc.) as traits that one can sufficiently argue pertain to gender expression. In the grand scheme, therefore, gender expression is but a mere fraction of the many different characteristics that fully comprise gender nonconformity.

So then the question comes up, why do most sites still attempt to define "gender nonconforming" only with respect to appearance and behavior, or so-called "gender expression"?

I don't think there is a single answer. Much of it comes down to sheer ignorance. Hence why we still have the overly simplistic cis-vs-trans dichotomy dominating LGBTQ discourse. People just love forcing people into binaries, and they cannot possibly conceive that maybe gender is significantly more complex and nuanced than two diametrically opposed lived realities.

So what exactly then is "gender nonconformity"? I would argue that it encompasses def