Chicago X Puns

Chicago.

The professor asked for it Chicago Style so I turned it in in a deep dish.

I had to fly from Atlanta to Chicago yesterday.

After I just gone through the security checkpoint and was putting my belt back on and all the other crap from that plastic tub they make you run through the scanner, I handed it back to one of the TSA agents and told him he should not carry too many of those at once.

Why?

Because he'd be Bin Laden.

He laughed.

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wonder Woman"

Nothing

Clown asks: "Have you heard of the baseball team the Chicago Hot Dogs? They are the wurst"

Doesn't crack a smile

Clown asks: "Why was the alcoholic so annoying? He wined too much"

Clown starts to get nervous

Clown asks: "The disinterested hockey player got a penalty. What was it? Boarding"

Blank look

Clown asks: "What is a nun's favorite card game? Old Maid"

Yawn

Clown asks: "How do crustaceans celebrate birthdays? With crab cakes"

Annoyed

Clown asks: "What do you call a champion deer? A Win-doe"

grasping at straws

Finally Clown asks: "How do sheep sleep when they have nightmares? Baaaaadly"

He never laughs. Clown gives him his $100 and asks "Did any of my jokes make you laugh?"

Man says "No pun-in-ten-did"

So I'm visiting home in Chicago, and my father took my daughter and I to the zoo. We're at the lion habitat and my dad says to my daughter:

"Hey, you know what that lion is doing? He's just lion around!"

And not 2 seconds later I hear another dad tell his kids:

"Hey! The lion just jumped! Haha no, I'm lion."

Immediately after another dad to his kids:

"You know you can't trust lions, because they're always lion to ya!"

Please send help

If the Chicago Bears moved to Detroit, then Detroit would have the Lions, the Tigers, and the Bears. Oh MI!

Boyfriend and I went to Portillo's (Italian Beef sandwich place in Chicago) and ordered sammies.

While we were eating, I started a story with the phrase, "so, I kind of have a beef with..."

He pauses, looks down at my now-empty sandwich wrapper and responds with,

"well, you had a beef..."

Also, I've stopped asking him to call my phone when I misplace it because I'm tired of the "what do you want me to call it?" response.

Boy and I have been together for...8 months or so, dad-jokes only got super frequent recently - men of /r/dadjokes - is this a condition that occurs after several months of dating? Please help.

:)

It's actually "Chicago Bears."

[during tonight's Minnesota Wild/Chicago Blackhawks game]

Me: "Hey, do you want to hear a hockey joke?"

Eldest sister: "No."

Me: "OK. Just checking."

Your turn! Make me cringe! :D

I've been flying out of O'Hare Airport in Chicago, and I park in the economy lot. A section of the lot is just completely infested with rabbits. I was pulling into the section and 5 rabbits run accross the aisle, and I think to myself "That must be why they call this O'HARE Airport!" Unfortunately I was alone.

Other Teacher: "Hey Student! How was the trip?"

Student: "It was great! I'm going to Chicago too later!"

Me: "But what about Chicago One?"

Their reactions were... less than humored.

I ordered some ribs for pickup from a little place kind of in the middle of nowhere of the west suburbs of Chicago. When I called my order in I forgot that I needed to ask if they accept credit cards because I rarely carry cash. I got to the the place and I thought that they might only take cash so I asked the guy who looked like he was the owner if they took credit cards. He responded by saying that did and that they even give them back occasionally.

I told him he dadjoked me and we had some banter about what it feels like when you realize that you have become just like your own dad.

Needed information: My family and I are pretty big Chicago Blackhawks fans. There is a player on the Blackhawks with the name Patrick Sharp.

Story:

For Christmas I got a bunch of Blackhawk themed shirts ranging from t-shirts to long sleeved t-shirts that look like actual jerseys themselves. I got a decent amount of them from my girlfriend's family, so my family didn't see them right away as I opened them at their house. When I got home, I was very excited show them to my family.

So when I grab the long sleeved t-shirt jersey to show to my mom and she says, "Wow that is Sharp!".

I respond back with a grin on my face with a quick "No, there isn't a name on the back of it at all."

It clicked after a few seconds, but I got a groan and a "You knew what I meant..."

My dad and I do asbestos removal on natural gas pipelines. The people we were working for were debating if they needed us to stick around for them to expose another pipe or not. They decided that we could just come back another day. My dad then says to the guys in his fake southern twang he puts on every time we work outside of Chicago, "It's a dang good thing you guys decided against us staying. My truck seems to work fine during the Day, but every time I shift to N for night time mode it doesn't seem to want to go anywhere. I'd hate to get stuck out here." All of the older guys loved it and I just stared and shook my head.

My brother texts my family, "Just flew to Chicago!"

My father replies, "Wow, your arms must be tired!"

We are driving around downtown Chicago and we spot a bride standing by the curb close to a bus. My dad's fiance says "that bride better not get hit by that bus". My dad retorts "if she did, it would be a sign from above".

Chicago