Why was the church song leader so happy when a member of her congregation was killed in a car accident?

The deceased was an organ donor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidlyugly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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What song do autonomous cars listen to?

Follow the LIDAR LIDAR LIDAR, follow the LIDAR

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Projkt88
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Got a new car with awesome sound system but it won't sing songs ...

Because it's a Hummer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinosaurking88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2017
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The song lyric comes on the radio, "I will lift you up," while in the car with my teenager.

I told her that the singer is a weight lifter. The eye roll was accompanied by a smirk.

The music video for the song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47dtFZ8CFo8

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nettius2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
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YOU KNOW YOU’RE A DAD WHEN…

β€’ you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.

β€’ you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.

β€’ you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.

β€’ mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.

β€’ you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.

β€’ your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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My 6 year-old got me this morning listening to "Black Widow" in the car.

Him - Why is it called "Black Widow, Baby"?

Me - Because Black Widows are notorious for killing their husbands.

Him - It should be called "Black Bear Pirate"

Me - Why?

Him - Because they say "You should've known better than to mess with me honey."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPapiC-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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"What's that catchy song by that Carly girl again?"

"Who, Carly Rae Jepsen? Call Me Maybe?"

"Hi Maybe, you can call me Dad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elementlegen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
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I was sitting in traffic this morning when I noticed the guy in the car next to me was playing an electric guitar.

On the other side was someone doing the same, and behind me was a person on a full drum kit. In the car in front was a guy with a mic screaming out some kind of song. None of the cars were moving, they were all just rocking out playing music. It was at that moment that I realised I was stuck in the middle of a traffic jam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chimpocalypse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
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Faith No More came on the car radio.

Turned to my son and said, "This song is totally Epic."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ooklamok
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
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My dad used to tell me this one whenever we used to go for a car ride

Dad: Did you hear how the guy who sang the song, "On The Road Again", died?

Me: No dad

Dad: He was hit by a car

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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Random terrible puns I came up with using (some of) the 50 States
  • Alaska girl out when the times right
  • Arkansas right? (Ar Can Saw right?)
  • I’ll California
  • He’s gonna Florida car!
  • Iowa lot of money right now
  • He was in a state of Missouri for the past few days
  • He’s the Maine character of the book
  • Mind Washington dishes tonight?
  • Can I get a Minnesota with my burger?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodofWar1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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My soon-to-be 6year old got me Good

So every night for the past almost 6 years I sing her the Sunshine Song

You know, "you are my Sunshine, my only sunshine."

And after a few years I got tired of it and would start songs from the nightmare before Christmas (because I'm a big elfman nerd) and Part of your world (because I'm completely obsessed with singing out of key chick verses and the little mermaid is dope af) but she would SCREAM anytime I started anything that wasn't the Sunshine song, I love this, so I go on for a couple bars while she's screaming then calm her down and sing the right song. To be fair, she likes the I'm On The Outside by boingo, so I belt that too. Although it's only acceptable in the car.

Now here I want to add that in the description of the event I will place a * where she interrupts me and the words immediately after that * will be her words.

Ok, so she's in bed just now and I said What song do you want me to sing?

Obvs sunshine dude.

So I start with the "look at this stuff, isn't it neat?"

And she's not screaming, she has a smile on her face so my mind is like "did she become ok with this, can I finally sing a different song than sunshine and eponas song?" So I keep going thinking that I finally won.

I get to the line, "Fliiping your fins, you won't get too **fart!"

I'm fucking dead this kid played me like a fiddle.

Someone call 911 I'm ded

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πŸ‘€︎ u/juksayer
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
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I worked at a summer camp once. My dad dropped me off on cultural day.

I was bringing in a baked good that those who share my religious faith eat on special occasions. This was also the summer when the song "Hollaback Girl" was popular. As I'm leaving the car, my dad tells me, "If nobody eats the bread, make sure you don't bring it back, because then you'd be a Challah-back Boy."

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Whistling with my dad

in the car:

I wistle a random tune,

Dad: Hey! I know that song!

me: You do?

I'm confused because it was just a random tune.

dad: yea, it's the one that sounds like this wistles the same tune

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McGby128
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2014
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Just got dad joked by my 7 year old son.

Driving in the car, he wants fast music, I change from rock to pop and start slightly pumping the brakes to the beat of the song.

"Wow, nice brake dancing!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kutNpaste
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
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My dad's go to joke, especially around this time of year

Every time my dad sees a police car or officer, he immediately starts singing "Police Navidad!" and sings the trumpet part to that song.

For some reason it never gets old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevmac_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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After three years this is still the one joke I'm the most proud of. I got my friend with this one on our road trip to our vacation in Italy.

So this was in the summer of 2011 and at the time this song was a big hit: Medina - You and I. The important part here is the chorus, starting at 0:44.

So in the middle of the song I ask my friend "Do you know what kind of car this singer drives?"
"No idea", she said. To which I replied "A hyu-n-dai."

She almost threw me out of the car.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anntike
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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Road trip facepalm

Disclaimer: Told by a non-father

American Woman comes on radio

"Guess who plays this song..."

car passengers start to guess the band

"No, Guess Who (the band) plays this song"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealdonniej
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
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Overheard a Dad joke at the store

I was just leaving the grocery store the other day when a car alarm went off in the parking lot. The guy behind me carrying his kid gasped and shouted, "Hey! It's my favorite song!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarcasticVoyage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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A holiday themed joke

I was driving in the car with my daughter when The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole comes on the radio

"Daddy, how do they roast chestnuts?"

"On an open fire, duh"

Cue eye roll and a 9 year old googling the answer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minnick27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
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Dadjoked my mom

Played a music piece by Clint Mansell in the car with my mom.

Mom: This song is good for mourning.

Me: No it's good for nights too.

Mom: eyeroll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xooxxxooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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Amused my son with some dad humor

I had just gotten off the phone with my wife on the car bluetooth and the radio came on. Of course Adele's Hello started playing (why is this song so overplayed?) so I pretended it was another call and started replying to her. It works for the first few verses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JTsyo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
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Come on, step right up, and Guess Who Tim Horton Hears! Tim Horton's Hears A Who? Oh, I'm sorry, but you're wrong.

Tim Horton's should play music by The Who and The Guess Who. Whenever someone is asked "Guess Who is playing this music" or "Who is playing this music", especially to younger people that don't listen to classic rock, they might not know. You can tell them, in a real coy (not Real McCoy) manner, that it is what Horton hears in the Dr. Seuss books. If they guess correctly, they could win a prize. If not, tell them either to really "Guess Who is playing this music" or "Who is playing this music", and see if they catch on.

*The idea for this is from listening to all the times my dad would make us Guess Who was playing the song in the car or he would say Who is playing this song right now and we would guess incorrectly until we caught on. It's a long running dad joke, so you better catch it before it takes off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackPurity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2015
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Was driving with my dad today...

I was in the car with my dad today and a 70's/80's rock song came on.

"Is this Boston?"

"No. This is (town we were driving in)."

Rock on, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Al_Capownage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
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It was a good one. He cracked himself up

So yesterday I had vision correction surgery and on the ride home my mom called. My dad answered it via the car phone and my mom was asking how it went and all that. The conversation went as follows:

Mom: Hi how are you doing? How's Phil?

Dad: Hi we are good. He was in and out in about 20 minutes and they gave him a CD with only one track on it as part of the recovery package.

Mom: Really? What for?

Dad: Just to ease the anxiety he may experience shortly after the surgery. It's the song I can see clearly now.

My mom proceeded to crack up over the phone and I think she accidentally hung up as well. My girlfriend and I were laughing hysterically as well.

Knowing my dad, he couldn't wait to drop that one.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2014
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Classic dad at the bar

I was barbacking one night and the entertainment (two guys that are awesome at Beatles covers with piano and guitar/singing) were killing it that night especially..with a solid group of roughly 25yo's singing along and drinking with em between breaks. An older couple was on the other side of the bar all the while they played. So when they finish their last song and everyone claps the old gentleman gets up and says:

"Thanks for coming tonight guys, made it a real good time...If you guys need any help packing that stuff in your car...these young men will be more that willing to help you"

Had us all laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EatMyAssBarf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
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Dad humor while on an evening drive.

So we were riding in the car with my dad when a Rush song came on the radio. He proceeded to point out that Rush once played on an episode of 60 Minutes. He called it "Rush Hour".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Astrolabeman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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