Why did Carl Wheezer go to jail

Armed Quassult

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadelThai
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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CARL!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Su_Din
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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Dad: Carl, I tried Wookiee meat.

Carl: Dad stop. Dad: It was Chewy, Carl...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JOEGG9900
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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I used to know a cat burglar named Carl.

Carl had this calling card of his. When he was nearly done burgling a house, he would put a brick inside the victim's washing machine, and switch it on. The washing machine would destroy itself, and the owners would know that the perpetrator could only be Carl.

Carl's number eventually came up, when he burgled a house with three savage guard dogs. They put an end to his burglary career.

I guess you could say, washing machines live longer with Carl gone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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What was Carl Sagan's favorite band?

Ann Druyan Druyan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichardTHofmann
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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It’s important to look both ways before crossing the street, but don’t be like your late uncle Carl...

... make sure you are looking left and right, NOT up and down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plmcalli
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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What do you call your son when he gets a job serving food at Carl’s Jr.?

Chef Boy Hardee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adamhoolhorst
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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Guess the Visual Pun punpics.com/preview/previ…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunPics
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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A Carl to action.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amadeupidentity
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2016
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Rick tells Carl a joke
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JacsonP
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
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What is it called when Einstein, Carl Sagan, and Stephen Hawking masturbate?

A stroke of genius.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cananbaum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
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My uncle's name is Carl

Him: "You know what they call me back home,right?" Me:"What?" Him:"Carl."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bndwgnfn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2016
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An interesting title
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ka5ru
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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I asked my dad why he likes girly drinks, and he said that his favorite drink is actually a very manly drink. Carl Sagan was known to be quite a fan.

He sure loved his Cosmos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sigismond0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
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Why does Carl Marx not like Earl Grey?

because all proper-tea is theft.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpledesperado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
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Rick: Hey Carl, what do you call a zombie prostitute?

A street walker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wishiwasAyla
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
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I told my friend Carl that I might be selling my car today.

He said, "So now you can tell everyone your Saab story."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tactineck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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I called to buy tickets for an Elvis tribute act…

It was an automated phone system which said, "Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show…"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
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I took my son out for a beer for the first time last night...

I got him a Fosters, but he didn't like that, so I had it.

I tried him on Carling, but he hated that too, so I drank that as well.

Same thing with Guinness and Bitter.

I was doubling up on everything and he was happy with just fruit juice.

By the time we got onto the vodkas, I was too drunk to push his stroller home...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2017
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As the nurse is making the rounds at the old folks home...

She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kjc127
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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Visited home only to be dad joked

So I got home from college yesterday and was greeted at the bus terminal by my dad. Dad: "Since it's your first night home we should go out for dinner. You choose where we go." Me: "I could go for some Chinese if it isn't too far away." Dad: "I think it'll be worth the wok" He then proceeds to laugh hysterically while I shake my head

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spliff_killington
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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I named my iPhone titanic

Because it’s syncing Carl.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manofsleep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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A grasshopper walks into a bar

The bartender says β€œwhat’ll it be?” Grasshopper says β€œI’m not sure any suggestions?” Bartender says β€œwell you know we have a drink named after you!” Grasshopper says

β€œyou have a drink named Carl Tillerson?!?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scootsmagoots3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
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Intercultural Dad Joke

Background: I'm living in Germany and have a German roommate who can speak some English. He did Realschule (completed 10th grade), but mostly ditched classes. I try to teach him when I can and vice versa.

We were watching Walking Dead. The episode was right after the prison gets stormed. Rick and Carl lock themselves in a house, and Carl ties a knot that he's super proud of... Blablabla... A few minutes later, knot is quickly falling apart as zombies try to break in.

I absentmindedly said: "Cool knot, bro" Roommate: "(K)not cool, bro"

I just looked at him with a mixture of surprise, pride, and wondering still if he knows what a dad joke is.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ostapack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2015
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Dad Jokes has a new subreddit.

It's called r/HeyCarl. Here's an example: http://imgur.com/zekFWrO

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Volfie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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I told this to my roommate yesterday

Me after pooping: "You know, if they ever kill off Carl in the Walking Dead, they should give him a burial at sea. That way, he can be one with the coral. Get it? THE CORAL!"

He groaned and my other roommate hit me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uldyr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2015
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Not sure if technically a joke..

Not really a joke, but it sure made me laugh.

A few days ago I was working on an essay about Harriet Tubman. I finished it Wednesday night and left it in the kitchen overnight. At some point during the nighttime my father erased one of my sentences. It was something like, "New York responded to this incident with outrage, with most sympathizing with Tubman over her economic hardships."

He replaced it with, "Harriet Tubman wrote the first draft of the film The Parent Trap on the back of a Carls Jr. sandwich wrapper." I didn't check the paper before turning it in.

My teacher was not amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hatsforfish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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Sure, Carlsbad cavern is great and all, but...

...why don't they show us Carl's good cavern?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/technically_art
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2014
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For some what darker Dadjokes, check out /r/HeyCarl/

http://i.imgur.com/4T3awam.jpg

http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/512/447/417.png

http://24.media.tumblr.com/097ab89f865a7f061f15edc795c136dc/tumblr_mxcqbqQk3I1rc4b8ho8_500.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/Qjsyzh0.jpg

http://www.reddit.com/r/HeyCarl/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deku-shrub
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2014
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