My wife and I got separated at a carnival game. It appears my wife still misses me...

But at least her aim is getting better!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zygarde718
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2022
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Some top Tom Swifties
  • "Can't talk, busy camping," replied Tom, intent.
  • "The French don't deserve our thanks," said Tom mercilessly.
  • "Haven't you heard me singing in church?" Tom inquired.
  • "I'll win this tennis game if I get one more point, " Tom deduced.
  • "I didn't eat my T-bone tonight," said Tom mistakenly.
  • "So you're asking about my mink coat," Tom inferred.
  • "I'm wearing a watch around my wrist," said Tom with abandon.
  • "I'm the most important salmon vendor," said Tom selfishly.
  • "I was correct the first three times, and I am correct now," said Tom forthrightly.
  • "Castration is reversible," Tom remembered.
  • "I brought the dessert," said Tom piously.
  • "I command my own private army," said Tom maliciously.
  • "I'll order the same meat as last time," Tom revealed.
  • "I've never swum in Egypt's longest river," said Tom in denial.
  • "Et tu?" asked Tom brutally.
  • "That's women for you," said Tom dismissively.
  • "I'll have a bowl of Chinese soup," said Tom wantonly.
  • "I eat everything," said Tom in jest.
  • "I gave you your freedom, and I can take it away," said Tom deliberately.
  • "Maybe if I rub this lamp something good will happen," said Tom ingeniously.
  • "I'm never taking an Uber again," Tom derided.
  • "That dog is a mongrel," Tom muttered.
  • "It's too bad Babe isn't on our team," said Tom ruthlessly.
  • "Maybe I should stop using worms to catch fish... or maybe not," Tom debated.
  • "Hemingway is my favorite author," said Tom earnestly.
  • "This drumming is too easy," said Tom without missing a beat.
  • "This is a frozen dessert,” I screamed.
  • "Now I have TWO duck feathers", Tom doubled down.
  • "She would never answer her phone the first time, you always had to hang up once," Tom recalled.
  • "Two plus five is seven,” Tom added.
  • "I only have Diamonds, Clubs and Spades," said Tom heartlessly.
  • "It's okay, the PlayStation still works," Tom consoled.
  • "Capital punishment is mostly used on the lower classes," said Tom with poor execution.
  • "Where are all of my old board games?" asked Tom cluelessly.
  • "I might be acquitted," said Tom without conviction.
  • "I've never dyed my hair red, but I'll try it," said Tom gingerly.
  • "Ugh! I need to shave again," Tom bristled.
  • "Whale hunting makes me so sad," Tom blubbered.
  • "I'll quit smoking marijuana right now!" said Tom bluntly.
  • "I like hot dogs more than hamburgers," said Tom frankly.
  • "I signed it twice," Tom remarked.
  • "I received a letter to take my car in for repair," Tom recalled.
  • "I hate pale ale," sai
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2022
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I used to work for the circus circumcising the elephants…

The pay wasn’t good, but THE TIPS WERE HUGE!

I’d like to share something about this joke. I actually used to work as a carney during the summer when school was out. Play a few shows with my mom who traveled (to make money for the summer) and then come home to my dads house and spend the school year there (they were divorced).

My dad told me the joke I wrote^

So, fast forward into my 30s. I’m fairly successful and love telling my peers that I was a carney when I was in high school, since it’s so opposite of what I do now. They always ask me what I did when I worked there… I always tell anyone who asks me - this joke. Kills every time.

Note: there is a difference between a carnival and a circus. Carnivals have games and rides, while a circus is a show with animals. People often do not know one from the other though.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocklobzta
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2021
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