My girlfriend just called me up and told me that we were breaking up.
I went outside and the signal improved.
Breaking a leg during an audition ensures that you end up in the cast.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession...
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer!
An astronaut was talking to the control room but the line was breaking up a little so he couldn't understand what they were trying to say.
So he just yelled out, "What on Earth are you talking about?".
Dadjoked my *now* ex-girlfriend while she was breaking up with me.
So, today my girlfriend broke up with me. To keep it short, we were together for a few month and everything happened really fast.
Bla bla bla, she said something about how she always felt comfortable around me but never could develop any strong love feelings for me.
She: "This week I was thinking a lot about us, our relationship and future and I took off my 'cheesy being-in-love-glasses'
Me: Well, I know you're still wearing your contacts..." (she actually did)
So I got that going for me which was nice. But now I'm sad.
On breaking up. Dad joked sister.
After my sister broke up with her boyfriend right after a weekend camping.
Sis: "Why would he break up with me?"
Me (under my breath, loud enough to be heard though): "I guess the relationship was too intense."
Smile and a fist bump from dad, as we were banned from the room.
I'm breaking up with you.
Girlfriend: What?! Why?!
Calm down, I'm going into a tunnel, I'll call you back in a minute.
Why did the fish break up with his shrimp gf?
He just thought she was a little shellfish.
My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me 5 years ago, and today I asked to break up...
When she left, she gave back the $100 exactly. I lost interest in that relationship.
What do you call an Irishman trying to break up a fight?
Why did the woman break up with the man that had 5 pairs of legs?
He brought tension to the relationship
[At the restaurant] Her: I want to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
My 6yo holds a slice of red pepper up to my face and breaks it towards me. Me: “Ugh, what did you do that for. You got me all wet.”
“That was pepper spray.”
Got me!
How does mario break up with peach
It’s not you, it’s a me mario
Why did she break up with the staunch republican?
Because he had to be always right.
Why did The Rock break up with his girlfriend?
Because she took him for granite.
Why did the blouse break up with the t-shirt?
Because he didn’t collar.
Why did the stone mason break up with the con artist?
He was taken for granite.
I had to break up with my tennis-playing girlfriend
Love meant nothing to her.
I was racking up to play pool with my son, and he said, “Do you wanna break?”
I said, “We haven’t even started. How lazy are you?”
Her: I think we need to break up. I’m sick of your addiction to Burger King.
Me: Fine. Have it your way.
I hope she doesnt break up w me
There is a punk-metal band called Pangea what is it called when the band breaks up?
How do you break up a fight between two blind men?
Yell “My money’s on the one with the knife!”
Why did the biology teacher break up with the physics teacher?
My coworker keeps yelling about the tray of leftovers in the staff fridge stinking up the break room...
I finally snapped and told him to just put a lid on it
Sorry if this breaks the rules but, please cheer up my dad! He's a punctuation expert who is recovering from surgery. He just had half of his lower digestive system removed. It would really cheer him up if you could comment with his favorite punctuation mark:
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
He just needed some space.
Why did the stars who had been together forever finally decide to break up?
why did princess jasmine break up with aladdin?
Because the things he said weren’t aladdin up
Q: Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
Why did the dust pan break up with the broom?
Because it was sweeping around
Why's it a bad idea to date celery?
Because when you break up you know it'll keep on stalking you.
The worst part about driving a beat up old car is worrying that it could break at any time.
Or worse, that it might not.
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.
I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.
A proton and neutron break up...
An electron walks up to the proton and says, “Hey! Stay positive!”
Why did the boy telephone and the girl telephone break up?
There was just no connection...
Why did the garden tools break up?
Because the rake couldnt handle that his girlfriend was a hoe.
"How to break up with your girlfriend: a two step process"
Step 1: take off your glasses
Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'
Why did the girl date a zombie?
'Cause liked her for her brains!
Why did the girl break up with the zombie?
'Cause he was dead inside!
I had to break up with my boyfriend after he lost his feet in an accident...
Because I'm lack-toes intolerant.
My girlfriend threatened to break up with me because of my obsession over the Monkees. I thought she was kidding...
I was just racking up my first game of pool when the opponent said, "Do you wanna break?"
I said, "Not yet, we've only just started"
What do you call an Irishman trying to break up a fight?
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
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