I got my butthole bleached yesterday

After all these years, I finally changed my ringtone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Suhspence
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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I bleached half my hair about 6 months ago and I drive a Corolla. Corolla de Vil?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlytherinAhri
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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Did you hear about the black guy who accidentally bleached his skin?

He's all white now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2015
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Fancy stores are now adding bleach packets to their clothing that explodes if you try to steal them

Police say it’s a great a crime detergent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MLaBolle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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A man was murdered by being forced to drink bleach

It was a clean kill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZJoe2316
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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My health science teacher said to drink milk to neutralize the acid in bleach

I told her she told us a lye

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaerat_of_trivia
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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My girlfriend asked me if I could help bleach her hair. To my response:

I'd rather dye.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/delo357
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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LOCAL MAN ARRESTED FOR HITTING HIS WIFE WITH A BOTTLE OF BLEACH

The police were called for domestos abuse

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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Bleach the crap outta it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AetherScience
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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What do you call bleach obsessed with starbucks?

Basic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hdeifh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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My wife asked what happens if you get bleach in your eye.

You go color blind

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b1kerguy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boomkiller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
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Got my girlfriend with this one.

So my girlfriend calls me and asks if I can bring her some of my tide detergent pods because she is out of detergent. So I go over to her dorm and I brought a few extra and as I give them to her I say "here are a few extra to tide you over until you get more detergent." And she rolled her eyes and told me to get out but it was worth it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arretez1512
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2016
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Dad provides interesting commentary to TV show

I was watching a singing competition on TV (The Voice) with my parents and I noticed that one of the judges had bleached his hair. I turned over to my mom and asked...

Me: "Mom, why did Adam bleach his hair?" Dad: "He had a blonde moment."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alex_morena
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
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Dad just told me this zinger.

I went to mass during the week, the priest was taking rubbish so I poured Bleach on him and he phoned the police for Bleach of the priest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mickfalcon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2017
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My First One on wife and daughter

The family and I stopped in at local store to buy some things. Driving home from store I hear an "oh no!" from the back seat. My daughter was holding a new bottle of bleach on her lap and I guess the lid wasn't on tight and it spilled a little on her skirt. We get home and she and my wife are working diligently on trying to prevent any stains from forming on her black skirt.

Me: "I hope you understand if I say I hope things don't turn out all white"

Wife: disgusted and odd stare in my direction.

Daughter: "What?"

They continued to ignore me the rest of the evening. I guess I failed; or maybe succeeded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadof4girls
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
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Friend got us good talking about food

A few friends and I were talking about our food preferences. One friend says, "White rice isn't that good for you, since most of the nutrients and fiber are taken away during the bleaching and processing. Brown rice is a lot better for you." Then my other friend replies, "You know what they call people like you in Australia? Ricest."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/right_in_two
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2016
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Global warming is causing the colors at rodeos to fade and get lighter

They are calling it Corral Bleaching.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teslarobot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2016
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