Best... I Puns

We were entry-level accountants at a large firm, doing a coffee run for a team of about 20. It took foreverrr for the cafe to make them all and even longer for us to figure out how to get all these coffees back upstairs. We finally get back to the team and one of the partners exclaimed “Guys! Where the hell have you been?! That took half an hour!” Being new we sort of didn’t say anything and slunk away to our desks. Then, out of nowhere about 15 seconds later, my mate sticks his head up and yells “better latte than never!”

That’s when he became my best mate.

It’s hard to picket.

Nobody even comes close

Edit: Thanks for the puns!

The owner thinks for a second and says "Well, that would definitely be a pie from either Jamaica, Dominican Republic, or Barbados, and those are $65 each." Angrily the man replies, "What!?! Those prices are outrageous!" "I know, but it isn't my fault", responds the owner, "blame it on the pie rates of the Caribbean."

I made my bowl of Yogurt, I then squeezed some honey on it in a "B".

I told my wife, from across the kitchen "there's a honeybee in my yogurt!"

She comes over, looks in the bowl, and says only "its 6 o'clock in the morning." I could hear her eyes roll.

It was great!

I'm 42 btw.

Is it ok to start the dinner speech with, "Welcome back everyone!!"

I won

But it's definitely up there.

Not only does he prefer to work graveyard shift, but he's sure got spirit, too

It's like he's living under Iraq.

"Uhh, 4:15," he said.

But you wouldn't get over it 😂

Now E’s just somebody that I used to know.

I’m Hooked!!

Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.

Pilot on me!!

It blows so hard.

I’m now completely flush with cash.

Regrettably, I couldn't find the punch line!

.....some would say, it’s my special tea

It was literally the wurst place in town

I try to talk about my feelings with him, but he’ll just say vaguely supportive things that really don’t help. He’ll say things like “hey, cheer up buddy. I know things seem tough but at least you’re not stuck in one of those, you know, those holes in the ground? The thing with the bucket so you can get water from the hole.”

I know he means well.

No pun in ten did.

“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"

It's remarkable.

I don’t know what I said wrong… all I said was “thank you for your cervix!” while giving her a salute.

So, yeah. Three stars.

We go way back.

My 8yo son called it a com-pear-rison. I’m proud.

He was outstanding in his field.

A while ago my wife told me, “you’re mean to me!”

I just really hate the division.

By one-liner I mean something along the lines of “let’s make like an Autobot and roll out” or “put an egg in your shoe and beat it”

Talk about blunt force drama.

Bach.

So yesterday evening my wife got home from work with our Walmart grocery pickup in her car. As we are unloading it she notices that the bag that only has a pack of cheese in it is torn. She shows it to me and without skipping a beat I say, “huh. You must have gotten sharp cheddar.”

Fresh Prince of Belair. That ish slaps!

It is all outstanding!

He replied "You"

No pun in 10 did.