Teacher: "You know, you really should have done your homework. It was in your best interest."
Kid: "Yeah, my dog ate it. How'd you know dogs were my best interest?"
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
(credit: Groucho Marx)
You know, I was looking at our ceiling the other day. It’s not the best...
But it’s up there.
What do you call the second best writing utencil that is the last of its kind?
The penultimate, ultimate pen.
My best mates and i played a game of hide and seek, it went on for hours
Good friends are hard to find.
If justice is a dish best served cold, then what is it served hot?
Juststeam
Martha had always listened to her parents when they said ‘stay away from fire’, but today, her interests got the best of her and she intentionally lit herself on fire just to see what it felt like.
Martha was burning with curiosity
I don’t know if it’s the best anti-joke but here is my favorite one.
One.
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm jt would be justwater.
What it the best Christmas gift?
A broken drum.. you can never beat it
They say laughter is the best medicine but where do you get it?
The ha-spital.
What did the sniper say when asked why he couldn't kill his target when he realized it was his long lost best friend?
"I really missed him."
I got into an argument with a friend about what the best medieval weapon was. I said the Warhammer, he said the Mace. It got so heated we are currently not speaking to each other...
Talk about blunt force drama.
I thought this was the best one liner but it fell flat
_
You would think the Earth is best, but the moon runs rings around it
Microwaving a TV dinner without opening the package to allow steam to escape is the best way to cook it!
It will be bursting with flavor!
It was 5 years ago to this day that my wife ran off with my best friend ...
God I miss him .
Why does Allah make the best beer? Because Hebrew’s it himself
Oil on canvas. Hehe (best part? It was painted with acrylic!)
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
It’s easy to be the best tavern beneath sea level...
...that’s a really low bar.
I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world,
but it’s definitely up there.
I bought a dog today and my mum asked me “Was it the best dog there? Was it A1?”
I replied “No. it was a K 9”
Son, the best piece of advice I can give you is not to starve yourself. It doesn't help anything.
Bulimia tried it.
Given my experience, I’m not the best at giving advice when it comes to tequila.
So you all have to take it with a grain of salt.
My best friend keeps telling me to “cheer up man. It could be a lot worse, you could be stuck in an underground hole filled with water”
I know he means well.
Wordplay at its best reddit.com/r/harrypotter/…
Today my mom turns 53, and it's tradition that my dad fills the kitchen with posters before she wakes up, wishing her a happy birthday. This year's were some of his worst (best) work.
http://imgur.com/a/1qKYz
I’ve been looking at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and although I’m not sure whether it’s the best in the world...
...It’s definitely up there.
In war it’s best to commit crimes on naval frigates.
Charges are often dropped.
My best friend wanted to vent to me about his inability to perform a proper bench press in the gym... I told him to get it off his chest.
My ex-best friend used to be really nice to me, but ever since they found out I have flat feet, they've been mean to me and bullying me over it.
They're my arch-nemesis now.
After my friend drew this, I asked him if he wood put it on a shirt for me, and he did! Best shirt I ever saw.
I think it is best to slice vegetables diagonally,
but I'm biased.
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater
Justice is best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam programme I've ever seen.
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
