My son might not be the best roofer in the world

But he is up there

πŸ‘︎ 197
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainSpy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
They said it would be a the best Superbowl ever!!

It was hyperbole

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ramiel01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I think the best web designers in the world might be

Spiders.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nik_5252
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."

"He was always looking down on me!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
If Ben Franklin were still alive today, what would he be best known for?

Probably his age.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....”looks like you have the best job” he says, β€œwhy is that?” I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!

True dad that man!!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunny_2121
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm jt would be justwater.
πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/domadomdom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
The best pen ever made will be the second to last ever made...

Because it would be penultimate.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
They say one in four people are homosexual, which is weird because I have three best friends, all guys. Makes me wonder which one of us would be gay.

I hope It's Paul. He's cute.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Know what the best serial killer would be?

Suspense. people can say "oh no the suspense is killing me" then we both laugh before i stab them.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/larrylongshiv
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Out of all the inventions in the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the best one.

It’s remarkable.

πŸ‘︎ 337
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DGNOLA12
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
There should be a yearly award for best new comic book.

Call it the Stan Lee Cup.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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This, no joke, might be the best pun I’ve ever read
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nu24601
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
There should be a cooking show to find the best chef from Thailand.

Call it ... Thai Masters!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Did you hear? There’s going to be a movie about the best shoes in the world!

It’s going to be a feeture film!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nekronous
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Might be the best pun I’ve ever read
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nu24601
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the best side of a lion to be on?

The outside

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notaninfringement
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine once told me that the best superpower would be the ability to detect the presence of Indian bread.

I said β€œThat’s naan-sense!”

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToroZuzuX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s easy to be the best tavern beneath sea level...

...that’s a really low bar.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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I just found out I am going to be a dad so I need to be prepared. Which are the best dad jokes you know?
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xiph209
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
If you want to be the best mortician...

you're going to face stiff competition

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ja-mez
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The best restrooms can be found inside of PNC Bank branches

You can 'PNC' what happens next

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My best friend keeps telling me to β€œcheer up man. It could be a lot worse, you could be stuck in an underground hole filled with water”

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boonsnaba
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Compilations of a boxers best knockouts could just be called "[Boxer name] greatest hits"
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfager123
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
This'll be the best Christmas of 2018
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My ex-best friend used to be really nice to me, but ever since they found out I have flat feet, they've been mean to me and bullying me over it.

They're my arch-nemesis now.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azarathos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Naming your kid Eugene jr. would be one of the best dad jokes

You'd be truly passing down your genes.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeyzrul77
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
2020 will be the best year

We will see things so clearly

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alboy122303
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I may not be the best guitarist

But i don't fret it

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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I really wanna be the very best, and I already caught a store..

Now I just need to catch a mall.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unnamedplayer-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
One of the best ways to be taken seriously...

is to be related to Liam Neeson.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My kids wanted to wear their princess dresses to a Disneyworld park, but didn't know which park would be best...

... I told them Epcot, so they would wear their dresses to the ball.

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcjgreen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2016
🚨︎ report
When the kidnapper said he'd never let me get Stockholm syndrome, I knew we were going to be best friends.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeverBob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Elon Musk sending his Tesla in to space will probably be the best car launch ever.

I bet his competitors will be annoyed at how much they need to lift their game.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prototype__
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the best animal to be when you're cold?

A little otter.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/count-buttula
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
🚨︎ report
The best kind of driver would be a wreckless one
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yocomedy12
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2014
🚨︎ report
I used to be best friends with someone tall, but we stopped hanging out a few years ago.

I just couldn't get over how he always looked down at me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombieFeedback
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Tom Brady may be the best QB in NFL history...

But that subject is very deflatable.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Shiva92
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
If Peter Frampton was a bodybuilder his best song would be "Baby I love your whey"
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreeFittyy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2016
🚨︎ report
You would think the best place to have an "Accident Free" sign would be...

...at an auto repair shop. XD

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2015
🚨︎ report
Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater
πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Justice is best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Prof_Good
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If peanuts are the best, what would be the second best?

Poopnuts.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/terozen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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