What do you call a wizard that walks everywhere barefoot, has poor bone density, and bad breath ?
Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis (edited, thanks kind friends for the correction!)
So Gandhi fasted every day. His body got weaker and weaker. His feet grew incredibly tough from walking barefoot. He was deep into Hindu spirituality. Unfortunately, he had chronic bad breath.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that Gandhi was a super fragile, calloused mystic suffering from halitosis.
I td my son he would get arrested playing barefooted outside. He asked why
I told him there were cops who were on foot patrol outside...
the puppy test
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
- Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
- Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
- Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
- Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
- Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
- Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
- Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
- Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
- Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
- Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
- Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
- Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
- Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
- When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
- Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
- Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
- Always go straight home after work or school
- Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
- Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
- Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
One time Jesus walked into a synagogue barefoot.
The religious leaders condemned it as sandalless.
"Uh yeah I'm walking around your store barefoot and creating a hygiene problem, Mr.foot locker employee."
My wife and I went on a trip to Cuba to stay at a few different places. By the end of week 2, we were walking barefoot across a beach, nearly dying of thirst and exhausted. We were wondering if we'd make it home, until I spotted a server holding some drinks. We sprinted towards her and drank both.
As a reporter, I've done quite a few odd assignments. One especially memorable assignment was to report on the barefoot ginger convention.
Over 2,000 gingers showed up and there wasn't a sole to be seen.
My brother and I made a bet as to who could walk barefoot on Legos on the floor. I lost the bet.
I suffered the agony of defeat.
Gandhi
Gandhi, by the time he died, he was a very thin and elderly man who had walked almost everywhere he went barefoot causing thick pads on the bottom of his feet. He was also an extremely wise man who many considered a seer, and he ate ethnic Indian cuisine causing bad breath........Turns out he was a super fragile calloused mystic hexed by halitosis.
I bought some Barefoot wine but I couldn't drink any because I was wearing socks.
Did you here about the guy who slid around barefoot on an ice rink?
Wait, never mind. He got cold feet
I know where you got your shoes
Barefoot in Paris
I was walking with my daughter in Paris, dressed up after going to her sister's graduation. "These high-heels are killing me," she complained.
"Take them off," I suggested.
"i don't want to get, I don't know, France-tetanus."
"Yeah, that and... Paris-ites."
True story.
I have a bit of bad news to share about Gandhi.
You know he fasted a lot, which made him skinny and frail. He also walked barefoot for most of his life. Spent a lot of time pondering life's imponderable mysteries. Oh, and they say he had bad breath. In other words, I guess Gandhi was a super-fragile calloused mystic suffering halitosis.
Just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse...
My Dad got me when I was 16, bleeding in a field and in agony.
I was 16 and at a rowing regatta I was competing in. It was middle of the day and very hot everyone was under these massive gazebo/tent structures with big guide wires and these huge rusty steel tent pegs sledgehammered into the dirt.
Anyways I was running late for my race and my crew were yelling at me so I started running. The shortest way was through the spectator area on a big downhill towards the water so at full pace I went that way.
About halfway the top of my barefoot trips on the rusted top of one of these steel pegs and I fall face first and tumble through the dirt with my foot and ankle split open.
People run from all directions, medical staff etc someone holds a towel over my head for shade and I see my dad. He's looking down at me but it's hard to see through the dirt in my eyes and people around.
He asks "bloody hell mate, what happened?".
In agony I manage a "I kicked a tent peg".
He knelt down beside me, looked me in the eye and said "how far did it go?"
If you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes...
You will be a master at shoe theft because the victim is both barefoot AND a mile away.
An engineer walks into an office...
Someone says, “Tim, why are you barefoot?”
Tim: “Just displaying some of the incredible feets of engineering!”
Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped from prison?
He is a small medium at large.
One of my favorite Colin Mochrie puns
"Our main story tonight is about a 100 year old woman who says her secret to old age is walking around barefoot and never brushing her teeth. More news on this super calloused fragile mistress hexed with halitosis after the break."
My Dad on shoe shopping
Mom: I found a pair of really nice shoes at the store today.
Dad: Did you see anyone barefoot? Maybe you found their shoes, I hope you gave them back.
Obvious geology joke...
Talking to my dad about how I felt about my geology final, I go on about how boring the class was and that the kids that are actually geology majors are stereotype hippies. Smell weird, barefoot, dreads, Coachella lovers.. etc.
He seems to ignore everything as I can see his smile forming then as soon as I stop talking...
"They probably get stoned all the time too."
...
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: Wow! Didn't expect this big reaction!
Thanks for the silver!
Edit 2: And gold!? Thanks again! :)
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.
Gandhi was amazing—fasted every other day, walked barefoot, deep thinker...with bad breath.
it’s true. he was a super-fragile calloused mystic suffering halitosis.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a...
Super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.
Because Ghandi was barefoot all the time and had bad hygiene...
He was a super calloused fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.
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