What's the name of albert Einstein's evil brother?
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︎ Jul 01 2021
My brother got extremely pissed off when he put the top on a pot of water upside down. Then he turned it over.
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︎ Jun 15 2021
Thought of this while I was teaching my little brother about the wonderful world of colors
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︎ Apr 26 2021
A lot of people say the me and my older brother look alike
I agree because I have his jeans
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︎ May 23 2021
What kind of music does Mufasaβs brother like?
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︎ May 29 2021
My eldest wanted to know why I wouldn't lend him any of my tools, but I let his younger brother, the prodigal son, borrow whatever equipment he wants.
Simple, I said, the prodigal son returns...
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︎ Apr 22 2021
Apparently, the producers of The Flintstones were planning to make one final episode where Fredβs brother marries Barneyβs brother.
It was cancelled because it was the 60s and Americans werenβt yet ready to have a gay old time.
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︎ Apr 29 2021
My brother opens a box of cereals before finishing another, wasting them. Lets just say...
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︎ May 12 2021
Lots of people know about Harley Quinn but very few people have heard about her twin brother who was stillborn...
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︎ Mar 23 2021
My brother was afraid of venturing into agriculture...
I told him to grow a pear.
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︎ Feb 17 2021
My brother sees me near our tent, putting his E-reader on a pile of sticks.
He yells: "What the hell are you doing, Some_Dumb_Dude?!"
I say: "What's with the tone? You have to use Kindle to make a fire, Right?
'Ba dum tss'
He just sighs. "I hate you."
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︎ Apr 08 2021
My brother and I both picked up bottles of mouthwash on the same grocery trip...
I guess you could say we really got our Acts together.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
My brother just died of heartburn
I can't believe Gaviscon...
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︎ Feb 11 2021
What do you call the wife of an elephantβs motherβs brother?
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︎ Jan 08 2021
My friend declared bankruptcy and disappeared to get rid of all his bills...
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︎ May 07 2020
Know what the female equivalent of blood brothers are?
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I hear that Legolas from the Lord of the Rings had an older brother, but he died before Legolas was born.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
My brother who works in a tannery has gone missing. We haven't seen hair nor hide of him.
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︎ Oct 26 2020
What is the name of Satan's long lost brother?
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︎ Nov 01 2020
My brother and I are on a tight deadline to make a bunch of Dracula action figures.
I have to make every second Count.
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︎ May 30 2020
Did you see Thor put some subtle rouge on his brotherβs cheeks with just a hint of eye shadow?
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︎ Jun 07 2020
Whatβs the name of Bruce Leeβs vegan brother?
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︎ Aug 15 2020
My brother is starting a history degree and one of his modules is studying the Stuarts
My dad asked, "Jackie or Rod?"
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︎ Oct 11 2020
My brother is always making fun of my truck
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︎ Oct 01 2020
My complete jerk of a brother is a Karate expert, a Chef and a Lawyer!
Dad calls him "Chop Suey."
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︎ Aug 23 2020
A couple of weeks ago my dad was taking us on a camping trip preceeded by a two hour drive, so a minute before we were going to leave the house he sat me and my brother down and told us:
Speak now or forever hold your pee
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︎ Aug 31 2020
My brother has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban at the San Diego Zoo.
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︎ Jan 20 2020
My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.
In short his practice is shrinking.
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︎ Aug 10 2020
I'm not a big fan of Thor's brother.
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︎ Jun 22 2020
What was the name of Marilyn Monroe's caviar-loving brother?
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︎ Aug 10 2020
My brother happened to be in Himalayas and captured the most detailed photo of the Abominable Snowman...
Experts say it is the best yeti!
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︎ Jul 26 2020
Why did Loki throw a temper tantrum when he couldn't find his brother during a game of hide and seek?
Because he was a Thor loser
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︎ Jun 03 2020
I was playing the song "In Memory of Elizabeth Reed" by the Allman Brothers for my ten year old daughter. She asked me how long ago I first heard the song. When I told her I heard it when it was first released, 50 years ago, She said,
"Was it called "In Honor of Elizabeth Reed" back then?
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︎ Jul 24 2020
What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother
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︎ Apr 21 2020
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall"
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︎ Apr 23 2020
My neighbor Jamal disappeared and they had no recent photos so they used a photo of his brother Juan.
Fortunately they are identical twins, so if you've seen Juan you've seen Jamal.
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Icarus had a lesser known brother. He wanted to swim to the bottom of the ocean.
Instead of wax, he used paraffin.
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︎ Jul 19 2020
Ok, another one from the "Just being a Dad" series.
Early days with the kids. five, six? I don't really remember, but it was about the time they were afraid of "Monsters" in the closet, under the bed, always at night. Frustrating!
Anyway, I used to put water in a spray bottle, add just a little of my aftershave (so it smelled like me), and I created a label for "Monster Spray". The label looked damn good, it looked "real" at least to a six year old.
Spray under the bed, around the room, in the closet, wherever. It worked so well that every kid in the neighborhood was borrowing it!
Years later, a young niece was afraid of "Bee's" in her dreams, I guess she had been stung, so I turned my brother on to the secret. We made "Monster and Bee Spray" for her.
To this day, I think the secret was the little bit of aftershave, and that we took it seriously.
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︎ Jun 13 2021
Father's day tradition
Not a joke per se, but every Father's Day my brother remakes his kids sit and listen to 30 minutes of dad jokes
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︎ Jun 20 2021
My brother always has hard candy inside a pocket of his 3-piece suit
He calls them βin vest mintsβ.
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︎ Jan 11 2020
What is the name of the skinny brother of green?
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︎ May 20 2020
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︎ Dec 04 2019
My brother wanted to stop getting his hair cut for 6 months, but now he doesn't want to get rid of his long hair anymore...
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︎ Apr 24 2020
My brother and I are trying to come up with an extensive list of vegetable related puns
Lettuce know if you have any
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︎ Sep 24 2019
A bunch of star wars food puns I made with my brother
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︎ Jan 08 2020
Did you see Thor put some subtle rouge on his brotherβs cheeks with just a hint of eye shadow?
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︎ Jun 07 2020
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