My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...

"Who was that?" asked my wife.

"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"

"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"

She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes please."

"Where are you?"

"Over here...on the swing."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 67
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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A man is walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

Bumpโ€ฆ

Bumpโ€ฆ

Bumpโ€ฆ

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

Bumpโ€ฆ

Bumpโ€ฆ

BUMPโ€ฆ

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.

Fasterโ€ฆ

Fasterโ€ฆ

FASTERโ€ฆ

Bumpโ€ฆ

Bumpโ€ฆ

BUMPโ€ฆ

He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.

Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!

Andโ€ฆ

The coffin stopsโ€ฆ.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 43
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ParadoxXSchock
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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The show Phineas and Ferb came and went like their adventures.

Started with a bang and phineased unexpectedly.

edit: woah my first award. thank you u/LingThingLS

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/archit14
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Two prawns were swimming around in the sea

One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed....... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian!!.. ๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคฃ

๐Ÿ‘︎ 34
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OwenJthomas89
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Four men waiting in the hospital

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, โ€œCongratulations! Youโ€™re the father of twins.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s odd,โ€ answers the man. โ€œI work for the Minnesota Twins!โ€

A nurse says to the second guy, โ€œCongratulations! Youโ€™re the father of triplets!โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s weird,โ€ answers the second man. โ€œI work for the 3M company!โ€

A nurse tells the third man, โ€œCongratulations! Youโ€™re the father of quadruplets!โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s strange,โ€ he answers. โ€œI work for the Four Seasons hotel!โ€

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. โ€œWhatโ€™s wrong?โ€ the others ask.

โ€œI work for 7 Up!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kgangadhar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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A man named Dave. Long joke!

A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...

So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.

The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"

The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.

"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.

"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up youโ€™re

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kmaff90
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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My wife locked me out for telling too many corny, obnoxious word play jokes...

Now Iโ€™m outside banging and hollering โ€˜Oh PUN the door!!!โ€™ โ€˜Oh PUN the door!!!โ€™

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/andersonfmly
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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13 of my BEST Jokes

I used to be addicted to soap but ... I am clean now.

I am addicted to brake fluid but ... I can stop anytime.

If you are attacked by a group of clowns ... go for the juggler.

I just moved and IMMEDIATELY after we move in he starts banging on my door every night yelling at me ... coincidentally I just happen to be playing my drums those nights so I could easily tune him out.

I was just diagnosed with colorblindness ... It came right out of the purple.

I failed math so many times at school ... I canโ€™t even count.

Once i threw a boomerang, it never came back, ... Now I live in CONSTANT fear

When life gives you melons ... you might be dyslexic.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline ... She hit the ceiling!

There are 3 types of people in this world, those who can count ... and those who can't

They say three out of five people suffer from diarrhea ... so ... does that mean two out of five enjoy it?

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 88
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Toydles
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at โ€œThe Cafรฉ,โ€ a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: โ€œParking now, be there in 5.โ€

โ€œDad,โ€ he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, โ€œDadโ€ popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The Cafรฉ.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

โ€œHello, son,โ€ came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. โ€œI canโ€™t believe itโ€™s been so long!โ€

โ€œYeah,โ€ said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. โ€œToo long!โ€

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sullyrr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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What do you call it when Victoria Secret merges with Smith and Wesson?

Titty Titty Bang Bang

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Hoshizaki78
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.

This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.

Joke by Terry Pratchett, โ€˜The Colour of Magicโ€™, Prologue.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WatashiStickKid
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Bad hookup in a car?

Call that Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/goooDavis
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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What is the most sexual object in the world?

A door, because it wont stop banging the frame.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SirSnuffy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 25 2020
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I tried to trade a deer for fireworks

I want the best bang for my buck

๐Ÿ‘︎ 225
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Matthew_______
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KW-DadJoker
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 24 2020
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GBAN

That's bang out of order.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OliPark
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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How do I get into hunting?

I'm aiming for where to start. All of my resources are shot. I'm gunning to go soon. Please be a deer and let me know.

I've herd the animals go out with a bang.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PerfectlyWorthwhile
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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How many elephants can you get in a hammerfour?

Whats a Hammerfor?

banging in nails...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WHisA
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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Why did the redneck bring a bazooka deer hunting?

He wanted to get the biggest bang for his buck.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 31
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/timthedriller
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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A friend came up to me today say said โ€œBNGAโ€

I told him thatโ€™s bang out of order

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2020
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What's the best hairstyle for a gun?

Bangs

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stooftheoof
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Let's give it up for the folks fornicating at midnight

It's a great way to start the decade off with a bang.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PreviousHistory
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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I don't always hunt deer but when I do, I use dynamite.

That way I get more bang for my buck.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pocketsizedmoon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Whatโ€™s the difference between an engine and my girlfriend?

An engine can suck, squeeze, bang, blow, but my girlfriend canโ€™t as she doesnโ€™t exist.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Spacedynasaur
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 03 2019
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I took my pet to a deer brothel

Got bang for my buck

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrLazyTiger
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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I got angry when I saw a sign saying BNAG!

It was bang out of order

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dr-mrl
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad is a bad influence on me...

My line manager just said to me "my friend, he's a chemist, got married to this girl"

Me "don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it Don't say it..."

Me, while banging my head against something solid... "There must've been chemistry between them..."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/carltomlinsonuk
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Red man flashing

One day there was a red man in his red house so in the morning he went to have a shower but when he got in to the shower his red sister had to go to the toilet so the red man got his red towel and walked outside because he heard a bang at the door and when he bent over to get the newspaper his towel fell off and a little old lady crossed the road and got hit by a truck, Donโ€™t cross the road while the red man is flashing!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cyproyt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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If you are ever feeling like you donโ€™t know your place in the universe, just remember: You and the universe came from the same thing

A Big Bang

๐Ÿ‘︎ 121
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Brentobot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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My boyfriend has turned into a full on Dad

Whatโ€™s the best part of hunting with a bazooka?

You get more buck for your bang

๐Ÿ‘︎ 31
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/readtherancher
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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How do you have sex with a pinata?

You bang it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BeerGrinch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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Do you know why some people bang on the side of the ketchup bottle while others bang on the bottom of the ketchup bottle?

Me: No. Why?

Him: To get the ketchup out.

Told to me by my grandfather-in-law as I was banging on the side of the ketchup bottle.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/roonerspize
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 13 2015
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How did the 3DS die?

Not with a bang, with a Lite Switch

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheBoss-v1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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I was at a funeral the other day and heard someone yell "BNAG"

I told him that it was bang out of order.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Clayton173694
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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A guy signs up for the army and goes to get his equipment after heโ€™s been processed.

When he gets to the place where heโ€™s supposed to pick up his rifle the man tells him thatย he just ran out. โ€œIf you need to shoot just say โ€˜BANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!'โ€ he says. Bummed out and little confused, the guy moves on to the next areaย where heโ€™s supposed to pick up the bayonet. But the next man is out too. โ€œIf you need to stab someone justย go, โ€˜STICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!'โ€ he says. Dejected and wondering what the heck he signed up for, the guy jumps into the next truck on its wayย to the front where thereโ€™s a battle raging on.

Side by side with the rest of the soldiers in his unit, the guy advances on the enemy position. As soon as he sees the enemy, he shouts, โ€œBANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!!โ€ Amazingly, the enemy soldierย drops to the ground. Encouraged by his success he charges the next two enemy soldiers and goes, โ€œSTICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!โ€ They both immediately collapse in front of him. This is incredible, he thinks, Iโ€™ve become unstoppable.

So when he sees his next foeย way off in the distance, he shouts,ย โ€œBANGITY BANG BANGITY BANG!โ€ at him. He waits for him to fall, but nothing happens. The guy charges his unfazedย adversaryย nextย and goes โ€œSTICKITY STICK STICKITY STICK!โ€ Again he thinks the man will fall and again nothingย happens. โ€œWhy wont you drop?โ€ the guy says. The enemy soldier knocks him down andย responds, โ€œTANKITY TANK TANKITY TANK!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lavidius
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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I'm fine with people walking into class with a gun

All they wanna do is start their day with a bang!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MonotoneYay
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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I stopped by the ammo store before going hunting. The clerk told me about their 2 for 1 sale.

โ€œMore bang for your buck.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SoVeryKerry
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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I told my boyfriend that I got an expensive haircut, but they left my bangs too long.

He replied, "too much bang for your buck?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 913
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/allsymbols
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
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How many elephants can you get in a hammerfour?

Whats a hammerfour?

BANGING IN NAILS

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WHisA
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2020
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A man is walking home alone late one foggy night

When behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins running home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER

FASTER

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, and slams it shut and locks it behind him.

However, the casket crashes through the door, with the lid of the casket clacking

Clapity-BUMP...

Clapity-BUMP...

Clapity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs in the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him

A man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the bottle of cough syrup at the casket and...

The coffin stops.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 46
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Energylegs23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
It was a dark and foggy night

A man is walking home alone one foggy evening, when behind him he faintly hears:

thump...

thump...

thump...

Senses tingling, he begins walking faster only to look back and make out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

THUMP...

THUMP...

THUMP...

Terrified, the man begins running home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER

FASTER

THUMP...

THUMP...

THUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, slams it shut and locks it behind him.

However, the casket crashes through the door, and with the lid of the casket clacking on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Clappity-THUMP...

Clappity-THUMP...

Clappity-THUMP...

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH! the casket breaks down the door. Thumping and clapping towards him, the man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws it at the casket and...

The coffin stops.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MysteryOrange7
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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BNAG!

That's bang out of order

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tempsilon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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