After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
Local barber in the area got arrested for selling drugs.
Blew my mind. I’ve been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after breaking his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
I was arrested after dodging some pushpins that were thrown at me.
I committed tacks evasion.
Breaking news: a man has just been arrested for completing an origami course backwards..
We will update you as the situation unfolds.
Why was the belt arrested?
It held up a pair of pants.
A police officer arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states
Why was the duck arrested
He was wanted on charges of selling quack
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.
They said I was weaving all over the road.
Why did the cop arrest the duck?
Because peace was never an option.
P.S it was selling quack.
Can’t believe Lance Armstrong was arrested last week...
...he was pedalling drugs.
What did the police officer arrest the cow for?
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack
Almost got arrested by the police.
They have found some Coke in my fridge.
My local paper said the police arrested the energizer bunny
It said they charged him with battery
Why was the sodium chloride arrested
A man with a speech impediment was arrested for murder.
He was charged on 10 accounts and had to serve 100 years in jail, it’s a shame he will never finish his sentence.
Did you hear that the ceo of apple has been arrested??
Yeah, he now has to facetime
Why was the astronomer arrested?
He was watching a meteor shower.
Why did a dyslexic guy got arrested while buying PopCorn?
He asked for CopPorn instead.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
bitch sent me into cardiac arrest
Did you hear about the fraction that was arrested for drinking whiskey in public?
Someone just arrested my friend’s dad, and he won’t wake up.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Why did sodium get arrested?
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Cops just arrested a protester throwing flowers...
they deemed it an act of Violets.
I just threw ice at a criminal and got him arrested
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun
Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.
I got arrested for forgetting to take out my wallet before washing my pants.
I was charged with money laundering.
A cop just showed up and arrested our dog!
He had som unpaid barking tickets.
Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion
If found guilty he'll be given a real tough sentence
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling
Why did the opera singer get arrested??
She got into treble after the concert. (Please continue to make lots of music puns please)
Why did the clown get arrested?
Why can you get arrested if you tell Optimus Prime a joke?
Vehicular man’s laughter.
I got arrested for having a drink problem
I'm going to be such a good cop
‘I’m arresting you for illegally downloading Wikipedia!’
‘Wait! I can explain everything!’
They recently arrested the world tongue twister champion
I imagine they'll give him a long sentence
Why did the government arrest a rancher who fed cannabis to his cattle?
The stakes were too high.
Did you hear Henry Winkler was arrested for a financial scam?
He was running a "Fonzi Scheme."
So, my lawyer recently got arrested...
He was brought in for soliciting.
Almost got arrested for pouring myself a coffee this morning.
HEADLINE: Vermont man arrested for throwing pickle from moving vehicle, striking a highway worker...
It wasn't a Vlasic case of road rage, but it's still Claussen quite a commotion.
The police arrested two kids yesterday during a protest. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating firecrackers.
They charged one, and lit the other off.
I got arrested because I left my car at the bar and took the bus home.
It turned out I was in no condition to drive that either.
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
Because he fingered A Minor
I was arrested yesterday for stealing helium balloons,
The police held me for a while then let me go.
Why was the drummer arrested for emoji abuse?
He kept hitting the cymbals
A man was arrested for beating up someone with a battery-shaped dildo
He was charged with sexual battery.
A proton is arrested
Proton: What's the charge
Lawyer:Positive
I was arrested last week for stealing cooking utensils.
But it was worth the whisk.
Does anyone know what happened to that guy who got arrested for dealing oregano?
Last I heard, he was doing thyme.
I td my son he would get arrested playing barefooted outside. He asked why
I told him there were cops who were on foot patrol outside...
Did you hear about the man who was arrested for stealing electricity?
He was cleared of all charges.
A student is arrested and brought to court for carrying a weapon to his morning lecture
Judge: Why did you bring a taser to your lecture?
Defendent: Well you see sir, I have a hard time getting up in the morning. But I’m not a big fan of soft drinks or coffee, so I thought the next best thing was to give me a good shock.
I was arrested for using cash that my friend gave me after I installed a new table top in his kitchen.
He gave me counter fit money.
A car battery was arrested by the cops for causing trouble at the bar
But they had to let him go, they couldn’t find anything to charge him with.
Got arrested for throwing NaCl at snails...
As-salt with a deadly weapon?
Did you hear about the two men who were arrested for stealing a calendar?
Y'all hear about the fat lady that got arrested at the airport?
They didn't find any dope on her, but they found 112 pounds of crack!
(Brought to you by my grandpa.)
I just saw a homeless man get arrested for cloaking himself in a blanket the cops falsely accused him of stealing...
Why was the child arrest for not taking a nap?
He was guilty of resisting a rest.
Police arrested a midget croupier this morning.
He was a small arms dealer.
Did you hear about the three year old arrested for refusing to take a nap?
I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.
I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.
The head of Big Cat Rescue and the female antagonist in the hit Netflix documentary has been arrested after holding up an ice cream shop.
Police are reporting that it was Baskin-Robbins.
Australia's most wanted criminal was arrested stealing a car in a car in Canberra today
I was recently arrested due to my insomnia
Did you hear about the ghost that was arrested for inhabiting a bottle of cola?
He was done for possession of coke.
Did you hear about the bird arrested for voyeurism?
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried
What happened to the man who stepped on a blue jay
He was arrested for jaywalking
The police have just turned up at my house and arrested my dog.
Apparently he had unpaid barking tickets.
I'm not sure why the highway was arrested ...
... but I bet it was his own dumb asphalt.
A mime in my town was arrested after he got into a bar fight and broke his left arm.
He still has the right to remain silent.
In my town they arrested a mime that got into a bar fight and broke his left arm...
He still has the right to remain silent...
Why the duck got arrested?
Because he was selling Quack
Why did the duck get arrested?
Because he was selling quack.
Why did the duck get arrested?
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait. I can explain everything!
Police have arrested the world tongue twister champion...
...they say he will be given a tough sentence
A hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.
He still has the right to remain silent.
Police arrested 2 kids yesterday
One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off
Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion.
They said he'll be given a tough sentence.
Why did the police arrest the dog?
Because he had some unpaid barking tickets
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