I once made love to a girl in an apple orchard...
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︎ Mar 22 2021
What did the apple say to the orange?
Nothing , apples canβt talk
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Who does Apple call on to provide testimony in court?
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︎ Feb 14 2021
Have you been to an apple store? You can't breathe in there.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Did you hear about Apple buying the rights to Bambi?
They'll use it for the launch of the new iFawn.
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︎ Dec 19 2020
McDonalds is working with Apple to create a huge gaming computer
They're calling it the Big Mac
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︎ Oct 27 2020
What did the Apple OS say to the Windows OS when it wanted to merge?
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︎ Dec 13 2020
The best advice my dad ever gave me: if ever you are desperately searching for something, make sure to take an apple with you.
That way, your search cannot be fruitless.
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︎ Aug 06 2020
So Apple is switching to ARM-SoCs...
... I think they're taking a huge RISC.
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︎ Jun 23 2020
I used Apple Watch to monitor my workout when I was at Orange Theory ...
Basically my overall performance was compared with Appleβs and Orangeβs.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
Did you know Apple used to sell phone protection with the phone?
Well, not anymore but that used to be the case
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︎ Aug 01 2020
What do you call it when Apple forces children in China to work for minimum wage?
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Original joke time! The apples I had to remove the peals from all appeared in twos, matched for use together.
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︎ May 03 2020
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
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︎ Jan 08 2020
My dad took me to an Apple store to buy me an iPhone 11
Me: "Please don't fart here."
Dad: "Why?"
Me: "Because they don't have Windows."
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︎ Feb 21 2020
Apples to Apples
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︎ Nov 22 2019
I heard Apple are trying to seize the market on immaterial groups of dolphins
I think they called them airpods
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︎ May 18 2020
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
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︎ Feb 15 2018
I was in the Apple store the other day and the sales assistant Robert, approached me and asked would I like to try the new iPhone. Not interested, I turned and said:
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︎ Dec 05 2019
He maybe should have gone to an apple
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︎ Mar 31 2019
Microsoft tried working with Apple for their next console but it failed to pan out
As a result, they named it the Xbox Siri's Ex.
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︎ Jan 20 2020
Whenever I go to a Apple Store, I feel like a three year old at a candy shop.
I canβt afford anything.
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︎ Apr 11 2019
What did an Apple say to a Banana?
Nothing, fruits can't speak
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︎ Feb 10 2020
"Do you want to split an apple with me?"
I asked.
FiancΓ© answers, "Sure, do you want to eat it too?"
π€¦ββοΈ
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︎ Dec 31 2019
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but thereβs no punchline
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︎ Jan 04 2020
I wanted to buy the new Apple Pro Display but I only have $4999...
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︎ Jun 06 2019
I read that Apple is going to invest in optometry...
...they are calling it iDoctor.
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︎ Mar 13 2019
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess youβre Sprite
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︎ Oct 21 2019
The first computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple that barely had any memory. One byte, and everything crashed.
It probably ran on Python
Credit: u/FriendofHolySpirit
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︎ Sep 14 2018
The crowd watched in suspense as the man attempted to scale the building whilst eating an apple
They feared he may have bitten off more than he could chew
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︎ Nov 03 2019
Apple's answer to Google Glass: iPatch...
... Pirates favour the iEye though.
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︎ Sep 06 2018
Appleβs newest product attaches directly to your face!
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︎ May 27 2019
I want to buy Apple's new monitor but I only have $4,000...
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︎ Jun 06 2019
A man recently immigrated to a new land were he doesnβt speak the language. His fellow workers take him to lunch everyday. One of them teaches him to order Apple Pie and Coffee for himself. For weeks, this is all he orders.
Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.
Waitress: Hiya honβ, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?
Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs!
Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Man: ... Apple Pie and Coffee.
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︎ Dec 26 2018
Thereβs a new Apple device thatβs out to help teens cope with Dad jokes.
Its called the iRoll with a companion download for adults called the Groan app.
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︎ Apr 18 2018
There was a farmer selling his produce at the side of the road, I pulled over as I was a bit hungry to get an apple. I noticed he also sold paracetamol and cough medicine. I asked him "why do you sell drugs?"
He said "I'm a farmer see"
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︎ Jun 13 2019
Whenever my Muslim roommate goes for prayer, I sit down next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.
So that both of us are in A la mode.
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︎ Apr 21 2019
Did you hear about the botanist that tried to graft a cranberry onto an apple tree?
The results werenβt so good. He got a crapple
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︎ Jul 27 2019
The apple asked the Pear: Do you want to Smoke this fruit? Come on youβll love it!
The pear responded: I will never succumb to your Pear-Pressure.
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︎ Jun 27 2019
I tried to eat an apple off of a fake tree
It was a fruitless effort.
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︎ May 11 2019
What did the apple say to the orange?
Nothing. Apples and oranges can't talk.
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︎ Apr 07 2019
Whenever my Muslim friend goes to pray, I usually join him with some apple pie and ice cream.
So that both of us are in a la mode.
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︎ Jun 11 2018
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