Old Neeeeiiiiighvy
What did one conjoined twin say to the other when they got in an argument?
"Get out of my face!"
No strings attached
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Un chiste
It seems you have parking sons disease. There's nothing else I can do fer ya.
...
...
...
That really takes guts
They store it in dad-a-base.
But it’s too cheesy.
But I can’t afford the down payment
Not sure what much it did for him, but I learned a lot about the Cold War
Wife: You stand at the sink, I’ll lay on the couch
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Because he was a herbefore
7yo: Dad you should be a clown.
Me: I always wanted to be a cloud when I grow up. I could float above all the problems of the world.
7yo: No a clown! And you’re already grown up.
Me: Commences 30 minutes of making jokes about being a cloud. Being mistful. My head being foggy.
If you have any cloud jokes I could really make use of them today so I can continue the bit.
It will nonetheless remain stationery.
“Not this crap again”
Imagine-nation.
I looked at him with a straight face and said “Pollen”.
The air went outta the room and my wife looked at me like she wanted to kill me. My daughter and son groaned. All our friends just looked at the server like “we’re sorry”. The server looked at me with a grin like “just wait til you find out what I put in your food”.
Arigatou!
On the other hand I’m OK.
But banana hornets are just as bad
I'm a son without a father... I lost him a few days ago to a heart attack and I just... can't stop crying
We both used to check out this sub daily for amazing dad jokes and laugh at them together... We'd try to form our own stupid stuff
I used to wake up for college early in the morning I'd cook some breakfast for him get ready and before leaving I'd wake him up and tell him a stupid dad joke... I'd want to see him start his day with a smile
I just want to thank you all in this sub for giving me and my dad happiness your jokes made us laugh at our worst times
Out of habit I keep getting up to go to his room with a dad joke... Only to see it empty
I'm never gonna get to mess around with my dad again... I'm never going to hang out with him again he's not going to be there to see me grow up and buy a house of my own ... He's not going to see me buy a car of own ... He's not going to see me get married... He's gone forever and I will never get to start my day with a smile again from a silly dad joke with him
He wasn't the greatest dad but he certainly was the best I could ever ask for ... I will miss you dad
Thank you r/dadjokes to all the amazing dads here and their funny and stupid jokes
Edit : thank you so much dad's for your overwhelming support I love you guys and I just want to take a moment to thank all the people here who shared their experiences as well of having lost a parent... Your story inspires me to continue forward with the torch
Also I'm seeing quite a few comments saying the post is not funny and that they came for a laugh... I'm truly sorry about that, I just really wanted to honor my dad in this sub since we spent so much time together here scrolling for jokes and I needed the push from you dads to get back on my feet
I'm never going to be the same that's for sure knowing a peice of me has been lost forever... The void will never be filled in my heart But your support is just what I needed, once again thank you dads I love you
Edit 2: thank you so much dads for your overwhelming support I know I haven't been able to respond to all the dms and messages here but I've been reading them all and it's just made me smile in the worst Thank you dads you guys are the best
So shit doesn't hit the fan
Away in a Manager
You have just staged a coupe.
I just picked it up as I went along
I found out my girlfriend (who is 21) has never had anyone as her to be their valentine, I dropped the ball last year so I gotta make up for it this year. I’m gonna get her a season pass to the zoo cause that’s her favorite place and I need some animal/zoo puns.
All I can think of is “I’d be Lion if I said I didn’t want you to be my valentine”
Please help
Pariah Carey
But she said “I don’t want a lot for Christmas”.
The magic trick.
Would you please just let everything blow over first..
Edit/update:
First let me say that we fortunately weathered the storm well, some damage, not major.
I grew up with a humorous dad, and I appreciate how humor can alleviate stress. Most of you "got it", some of you didn't, some (few) were offended.
I grew up with a dad who taught me the appreciation of MAS*H where Hawkeye Pierce made jokes and quips in a horrible environment (war).
My dad even joked when he got Covid-19, a serious issue at his age, he first told me saying "I tested positive.. I'm pregnant"
That said I want to say Thank You to those that got it.
Riding out a hurricane is a scary and anxiety ridden experience. Each time you commented you made me smile, chuckle and sometimes laugh. It brought a bright spot to an otherwise scary night, if only for a moment it would take my mind off of the raging wind and rain at my door each of the hundreds of times my phone notification went off as this post "blew" up! I can only hope it did the same for others who appreciate humor the way that my dad taught me to.
Thanks r/dadjokes
Godspeed to those still battling this storm and those that will battle the results in the days and weeks to come.
As Jimmy Buffet once said "If we couldn't laugh we'd all go insane"
A calendar actually has dates…..
but if no one likes it and it gets down-voted then so-v-iet
He's never gonna give you Up
She visited the famous Prince of the East: Prince Merling.
As soon as she arrived, Prince Merling dropped to one knee and kissed her hand.
"Franklina! No one is as beautiful as you!"
The woman looked down at him and said, "Prince Merling, everyone calls me Frankly. Please call me that."
"Yes, my dear. Whatever you want. I wish to marry you! What would you like, anything in the world I will give it to you."
She paused, completely taken aback by the caring nature of the prince.
"Well the one thing I'd like is a massive area of water. I want it to be built by man. I want it to keep all this water together so it can be drunk by millions of people."
The Prince's face turned from excitement to disappointment.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you think this is a good idea?” she asked.
He stood slowly to his feet. Finally, with tears in his eyes he told her softly:
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dam."
Good dad jokers of Reddit, lend me your skills!
My wife and her twin sister have a baking business and they're going to be showcasing their talent at a huge event here in town. They have shirts that my wife is going to add designs to and she wants baking puns. Think PG rating.
If you all can help me out I'd greatly appreciate it!
In a dad-a-base.
...in a dad-a-base
In a dad-a-base
