My grandad used to say "If it wasn't for me, you'd all be speaking German right now" Lovely man, terribly bad foreign language teacher.
No idea why the school hired him.
I was on a game show and the final question was "What do you call a 3D painting made out of plaster?" I couldn't think of the answer and I was worried I'd lose all of the money. Then I got it right!
A little punny poem about love. We all need more love right now :)
we all know that song, right?
[Request] Right now we're all drinking Quarantinis. What will we drink when we get back together?
All Right Then, Keep Your Secrets.
With all that's going on, I told my dad that finishing my degree in astrophysics may not be the kind of science the world needs right now.
He looked away from the TV long enough to say, "Black holes matter."
Sigh... "Yeah, Dad. They are."
Someone ran by and grabbed all of our masks right off our faces.
It was a de-mask-us steal.
My cousin got into a car accident and lost his entire left side, he kept saying he was all right but I didnt believe him so he just kept yelling at me.
'Stuff was completely one-sided
Why are football stadiums all around the world really hot right now?
All the fans are at home.
Have you heard of the guy who lost his left side? Yeah, he's all right now.
I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
“Dad, do all countries in Europe drive on the right?”
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
I know what your all thinking right now
BREAKING NEWS: The man who wrote the hokey pokey died today, according to officials they struggled getting him into the body bag because they put his right leg in, then his right leg out, in out in out they shook it all about.
My buddy is getting his left arm amputated tomorrow. Don't worry, he'll be all right.
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
My friend is a know it all who likes to be right always. So he has dollar bills embedded in his shoes.
He has to be on the money.
A better joke may be doable. It's left as an exercise for the reader.
Did you hear about the man who's whole left side got cut off? He's all right now.
Not all vehicles have equal rights.
I was taking my kids trick or treating along a dark country road, on a moonless Halloween night, when all of a sudden, a vampire swooped down from the darkness and landed right in front of us!
My daughter shrieked,"Quick dad, show him your cross!"
Without a second thought, I shouted, "YOU LEAVE US ALONE YOU BIG MEAN OLD VAMPIRE!!"
We all know what the dodge demon is right?
I guess you could say its.... fast as hell
I once knew a man who had trouble with his balance because he had lost all the toes on his right foot
I guess you could say he was lack-toes intolerant.
The state of all subs right now.
You hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? He’s all right now!
Sadly there’s nothing left of him.
I was pretty mad when a bird pooped all over my Honda right after I washed it
But I guess it was only doing its Civic doody.
All this stuff about GMO's affecting farmers, but what about tractors? Do you support tractor's rights?
Hey man, are you all right?
This dad joke is all right...
When I pulled in to my parents' driveway yesterday afternoon, my dad was working on his car and I heard him mutter "Goddamn it".
I asked him "Is everything all right?"
He replied "No, some things are half left."
You all know how 7 ate 9, right?
I suppose it was pretty obvious. 7 always was an odd number. Even 10 wasn’t shocked. 11 was all primed for the party, but when he factored in the whole situation, 12 split for (4) 3’s house.
People make such a big deal about Axl Rose joining AC/DC, but Slash has been right in the middle of them all along.
“Dad, do all European countries drive on the right?”
Dad: Yes, the Brits left.
Have you heard about the guy who lost his left arm and leg? It's ok, he's all right now.
Did you hear about the guy who's whole left side is cut off? Yeah don't worry he is all right now.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
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