Yes car go
I also have a regular car, but that goes without saying.
On the weekends, my roomie and I head to the cleaners to do our laundry. We were folding our clothes and towels away when he commented on how fancy I fold my towels, similar to how some hotels chains have theirs folded. He asked where I learned to fold towels like that when I said "Oh, its just a natural towel-lent of mine"
Its soda pressing.
Gluttonic love.
I'm passive progressive
Scene- Me, at dentist, having teeth removed. She was having a bit of trouble with some of them and this was while she had instruments in my mouth. There's some pain after maximum amount of anesthetic she can give me. Asks me how I'm doing.
Me- There is some pain in the teeth after numbing but it isn't anything I can handle.
Dentist- Last time you were here we didn't have a problem but this time your teeth are being a major pain in the butt.
Me- My teeth are a pain in the butt? No wonder people say I talk out of my ass way too much.
She had to stop for a bit to finish laughing.
Initiative
Clubbing.
Poland
Me: Can I play piano?
Doctor: Yes you can.
Me: Wow! Thanks! I never could before.
Because they were born with Trust Issues..
(facepalm)
I know.. I know.. IT Nerd DadJoke...
I'll see my way out and go back into the server room where I belong..
Whisk on, son.
Turns out, it's a pigment of your imagination
They have Anti Money Laundering
There hasn’t been a post all year.
Happy New Years from New Zealand
In 1,000 years, snails will evolve into being an advanced civilization. They will develop their own advanced technologies. In an effort to increase their mobility, they will equip their shells to be modular vehicles called Snail Cars, S-Car for short. Since snails do not have upper extremities, controlling the cars will be voice activated. The initiation command would be, "S-Car, GO!" 😂🤣
My son wants to be a doctor AND a police officer.
He said he wants to help cut down on ill eagle activity.
https://imgur.com/a/ggw9xpn
I haven't seen a post all-
Wait... Damn it! I posted this joke too early.
She's an altered stateswoman.
The blind kid didn't say a word for the rest of they school year.
Now I have to quit my job at the circus and cancel my camping trip.
Nobody has posted anything all year!
Right now we've got a standard whirlpool. One basic box, with a rotating center tray. No frills.
I'm looking at a newer model. It's split in the center, and there's a second rotating tray. Also, it's voice activated.
What do you think?
Should I stick with what I've got or should I get Two Turn Tables and a Microphone?
Camping.
Why does it have to be a group activity
When it was done, he didnt know how to activate it, so he put it under a microscope
Blew up in his face
Because they're really into exercising their rights!
If you got all the kids born between 2001 and 2010 together and had them do a group activity, you could have a quarantine, quaranteen, quaranteam!
There’s a high number on his pedo-meter
a rhino because its horny
Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)
-
Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,
Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.
Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.
So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.
Answer these 3 questions in your reply:
- How would you describe a dad joke?
- Do you currently moderate any other subreddits? If yes, which ones.
- You see a post that is not breaking the rules or reddit's posting guidelines, but is generally disliked by the community. What do you do?
Only apply if:
- You're a reasonable, fair-minded and patient human
- You're in it to keep this community a happy, friendly and safe place for other humans
- You've got previous mod experience from a decent sized community (let's say... 5k+)
- You're cool with the first few months being a trial run
- You understand that while we could use more active moderation, and would benefit from a few more rules, one of the things that makes this community great is that it's pretty open (after all, dad jokes repeat a lot and not every "repost" is necessarily an opportunistic attempt to game karma)
We'd benefit from a few practical things as well, it would be great if:
- You live in a timezone that covers off either the USA, the UK, Australia (we'd like a spread)
- You've got some automod experience
- You've got some sub-customisation experience
Don't apply if:
- You're ready to come out swinging with a power tripping ban hammer
- You're more concerned about Internet points than real people
We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.
That’s gross.
He was very passive aggressive
In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:
-
Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.
-
Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.
-
Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.
Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.
In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.
He is saxually active.
The lavatory
https://imgur.com/gallery/p7Xql
They formed a subcommittee.
is really just going down hill.
You have my Word.
If anyone is looking for me tell them I’m outstanding
Coming back inside.
...Skipping Class.
I bet their Cicadian Rhythm is totally out of whack.
But I just can’t put my finger on it...
Enough to say she ate.
It’s less of a hassle.
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2017/04/27/14/3FA7E4E500000578-0-image-m-38_1493301109764.jpg
They are just trying to be edgy.
What’s a black hole’s favorite bedtime activity? . . . Eating mass
You could say they are bearly there.
They're called Molar Bears
There hasn’t been any posts all year.
There hasn't been any posts all year.
There have been barely any posts all year.
There haven't been any posts all year!
australia squad
There hasn’t been a post all year.
Happy New Years from Bangkok, Thailand!
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There hasn't been any posts all year
Happy New year from Russia
There haven't been posts all year
Happy 2019 from the Netherlands
There hasn’t been any posts all year :(
https://imgur.com/XMt8jxL
There hasn't been a post all year!
There haven’t been any posts at all this year
