I have a pHd in zoology with a specialty in marsupials. Most people don't know that there are two things that make wombats special.
- They poop cubes. Seriously, look it up! It's wild. And 2. Just like otters, when they sleep, they hold hands. It's not as cute as you'd expect, it's honestly pretty violent. It's essentially hand-to-hand wombat.
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︎ Sep 30 2022
A trove of (p)awful signs
https://www.parentmood.com/en/pawsitive-worthy-vet-chuckle?ly=native_one
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︎ Sep 18 2022
Name a car that starts with "P"
An old lady customer of mine asks. I reply, "Porsche". She says...."they're supposed to start with gas".
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︎ Jul 12 2022
If H.P. Lovecraft had a Clothing Brand
It'd probably be called Cthulhu Lemon.
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︎ Jul 14 2022
There's only one thing girls want. It starts with a P and ends in an S.
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︎ Nov 14 2021
Michelle Pfeiffer has a silent P,
but when she has a dump you can hear it downstairs.
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︎ May 12 2022
What starts with "p" and ends with "e" and has a millions letters?
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︎ Oct 24 2021
Plant it during the cool days of spring or fall. Space the plants 18 to 24 inches apart in an area that gets plenty of sunlight and has rich, well-drained soil with a pH of 6.5 to 7.0
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︎ Nov 13 2021
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
My son got detention for misbehaving in P.E. The P.E. teacher told him he had to write an essay in the form of a report about a cricket match and he couldnβt leave until heβd finished it.
Less than 5 minutes later my son handed the essay in to the bemused teacher, and left detention.
The essay simply said:
βrain stopped playβ
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︎ Nov 05 2021
Pterodactyl has a silent p
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︎ Oct 18 2021
H.P. Lovecraft walks into a barβ¦
.
The bartender immediately asks him, βWhy the long face?β
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︎ Oct 01 2021
Never take the p out of a pirate.
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︎ Sep 12 2020
A L L C A P S
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︎ Dec 21 2018
What do you call a tricky woman whose initials are P.B.?
Miss Lead!
..Y'know, because Lead is Pb on the periodic table..? All of my friends (okay fine, all one of my friends) just stared at me when I told him.. Thought you folks might appreciate it a little more...
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Iβm thinking of a word. Starts with P and doesnβt have an ending
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︎ Nov 21 2020
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z
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︎ Dec 25 2020
I tried to make a poo but could only squeeze out a p**.
I must be missing some bowels.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
How to defeat Agent P in a swordfight.
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︎ Feb 10 2020
A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7.
"All your base are belong to us"
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︎ Dec 10 2019
I took the p out of a pirate yesterday
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︎ Apr 18 2020
Why did the Pteranadon have a P?
Because it drank water like everything else.
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︎ Jan 18 2021
How do you turn a T into a P?
Drink it.
Edit: Maybe βDrink the teaβ is clearer.
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︎ Nov 25 2017
My teacher told me to begin studying things with a pH higher than 7.
She always tells me to start with the basic stuff.
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︎ May 23 2020
**T H E R E I S N O E S C A P E**
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︎ Aug 31 2019
Colbert is calling on America to cope with surplus cheese. Drops a slew of cheese related puns starting at [1:33](https://youtu.be/37-pPk0bJ-o?t=1m33s).
youtube.com/watch?v=37-pPβ¦
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︎ May 24 2016
h a n d s o a p
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︎ Apr 29 2019
Just listened to W.A.P...
It reminded me to bath my cat.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
A pun-ny drawing :P
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︎ Jul 08 2019
A man walks into a doctors office. "What seems to be the problem'P" Asks the doc. um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" Says the doctor "how do your trousers fit?"
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︎ Sep 11 2019
My C.P.A. always eats terrible food...
... but there's no accounting for taste.
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︎ Feb 05 2020
Can I play World War Z without having played World War A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X and Y before?
/r/ShouldIbuythisgame/comβ¦
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︎ Mar 27 2020
Got the waitress at P.F. Chang's good a couple weeks ago.
I was out for a nice dinner at P.F. Chang's with a couple buddies to celebrate my birthday. I had decided to order the Shaking Beef, because it sounded delicious (and it was).
The waitress came to take our orders, got to me, and I asked for the Shaking Beef. When she asked how I wanted it, out of impulse, I replied "Shaking, not stirred".
Both of my buddies groaned and gave me shit for the rest of the night, but the waitress laughed, so it went okay. I was, and still am, proud.
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︎ Aug 23 2014
My Dadβs latest Christmas brunch joke: How do you catch a polar bear? You cut a hole in the ice and sprinkle some Pβs around.
When the polar bear comes up to take a P, you kick him in the hole.
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︎ Dec 25 2017
I took a p-shooter to a water fight...
They didn't know what hit 'em until I squirted them with it!
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︎ Mar 29 2017
Heroes are just a P away from herpes...
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︎ Apr 29 2017
If H.P Lovecraft had a Clothing Brand
It'd probably be called Cthulhu Lemon
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︎ Jul 14 2022
A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
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︎ Dec 02 2020
How do you turn a T into P?
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︎ Nov 24 2020
How do you turn a T into a P
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 31 2020
How do you turn a T into a P?
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︎ Sep 17 2020
I have updated the alphabet for festive period. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z
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︎ Dec 11 2019
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