Mom: "2013 was great."
Dad: "I remember it like it was yesterday."
2013: Didn’t jog
2014: Didn't jog
2015: Didn't jog
2016: Didn't jog
2017: Didn’t jog
2018: Didn’t jog
2019: Didn’t jog
2020: Still haven’t jogged
This is a running joke.
(In chronological order)
2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019
Friends Wife: I wonder if its really hot in there for the baby? Me: It's likely womb-temperature.
My proudest moment of 2013 and had to share!
My aunt recently had a baby, and she was telling us about the experience the other day at a family get-together. How beautiful her little girl is, how amazing the experience was, yadda yadda. Then she told us about my uncle's reaction, which she was less than thrilled about.
When my uncle saw his daughter for the first time after my aunt had just labored for hours, he said:
"Damn, it's 2013, you'd think they'd have started making these things cordless by now."
A duck got a job at a farm, where there was a chicken who ran the place. The chicken was delighted to have the duck join his crew, he personally took the duck around the place and introduced him to all the other farm animals. At the end of the tour the duck asked a question. Duck: Is there anything I should avoid doing here? Chicken: Don't cross the road, you'll never hear the end of it.
Bonus: http://blog.rafihecht.com/files/2013/02/chicken-crossing-road.jpg
My sister teaches at a high school for children with learning and behavior disorders, and every year she hosts a skills summer camp.
2015 will be geology-themed, and we need help thinking of a fun name for the camp.
Previous years: 2014 Summer Scenarios: Little Egypt (Egyptian themed) 2013 Summer Scenarios (first year had no kitchy name, but it was zombie-themed)
Potential examples: Stone Throne, Rock Steady, Taken for Granite, etc.
During the live-in camp (boarding school), they'll learn survival/outdoorsmanship skills (fire starting, gardening, canoeing, etc.), and have geologists as guest speakers.
Any high school learning-friendly geology-themed blockbusters would be welcome suggestions, too--but I'll post that for the people over at /r/movies.
Thanks in advance!
Edit: Thanks to everyone who actually gave appropriate suggestions, and high-fives to those who just made rock puns. My sister selected Game of Stones.
Apparently one in three was fired last year.
Christmas dinner, 2013. My mother in law is asked if she'd like some wine, is offered choices, Pinot Grigio, Mulled Apple or Cabernet. She's indecisive for a minute or so. Eventually, she settles on the apple wine. Her father comments, "well that sure took a long time."
I retorted with, "Well, she had to mull it over for a bit."
Simultaneously, 4 generations of women roll their eyes at me, while the guys all laugh.
I apologize for this wall of text, I didn't know where I should cut out parts because they're all relevant to the story. Sorry again.
Hey TFR people! So for background, I work at a kiosk in a mall where I repair cracked phones and do other mind numbing work that I can now probably do in my sleep. I've been doing this job for a little over two years and can fix an iPhone, for example, in about 15 minutes. I apologize for the wall of text. Anyway, this story happened last night.
So, a family of three walk up (mother, father and daughter) but only the father spoke to me and this is where conversation starts. Note: When I was handed this girls phone she had a case with this image on it and was already about to laugh. Customer will be C and I of course will be Me.
C: How much does it cost to fix my daughters phone and can it be fixed?
Me: Oh it's very repairable, after tax and labor, it comes to $xxx.xx.
C: Do it
Fuck, he's one of these guys...
Me: Alright then, I just need a name and signature on this disclaimer we have.
At this point, I've taken their phone and am prepping to work on it.
C: Do I have to use my real name?
PAUSE Now, over the 2+ years I've worked here, I have never heard this question. So I was kind of taken by surprise by it. For a minute, I thought he was one of those paranoid people. PLAY
Me: Um.. Well I guess you don't have to. It's preferred since we can look you up in our system faster later.
C: Oh ok.
I turn back around and start to use my tools on the phone when customer guy throws me another curve ball question.
C: Can my daughter still play the piano when this is done?
I manage to turn and see him smirking a little and go back to his serious poker face so I pick up that he's joking.
Me: Well I would hope so. Slight laughter
C: Oh ok great! She's never even touched one before so it's good to hear her skill won't change in the slightest.
I'm on the verge of outright laughing at this point. I manage to hold it back and finish my repair. I snap her grumpy cat case back on, hand her phone back when she mentions the home button isn't working.
Oh that's an easy fix
Me: Ah, don't worry. Give me one second and I'll have that fixed.
C: One. Try it now "Insert girls name"
Me: Haha well I haven't done what I need to yet.
I pull out a giant clear bag half full of spare parts.
**
... keep reading on reddit ➡Me: "How did it take them 13 days?"
Dad: "...maybe they went the Wong way."
I actually thought of this in the shower and wondered if I should post it to /r/showerthoughts.
Whenever I see something with an expiration date that has a ridiculous time a lotted for consumption I will say... For instance today is august 16,2013 If i buy cereal today that expires on november 2015 I will say "we have to hurry up and eat this by november 2015!" Hahaha...crickets
Setup: Sadly this joke was not said by my dad it was said by me. I'm only 18 and I have always been the one in my family to say all the corny jokes.
Anyways my brother was about to leave to go fishing and was talking to my dad and I about what he would bring home if he caught anything. After listing a couple of fish I said "You might as well bring home whatever, just for the halibut."
Then I get "that look" from both my dad and brother. My dad did start to laugh then, but I could hear his disappointment in me.
When I was about 5/6 I was filling out one of those "FunFax" books (Image for reference).
I started filling out the page about me and I got to the section on allergies. Unaware that I had any, I asked my dad "Do I have any allergies?"
My Dad replied "Yeah, soap"
Obviously at the age of 5/6 I didn't realise he was joking, we found the book a few years later to find I actually wrote "Soap" down.
...and my 13 year old sister has a couple friends over, one of them asks him "so, did your thingy come yet?"
Cue Dad - "Yeah! He's been playing with it all afternoon, too!"
Instant eruption of 13 year old laughter.
Dads, corrupting young minds since 2013.
So one day I was in the grocery store, and when I went to check out there was a lady with a lot of items in her cart. She offered that I go in front, but I declined. After all of her groceries were checked out she walked off to her car. When I went to pay for my groceries it had her items on my list to pay. I looked at the cashier and she said that the lady said I was her son and was going to pay for everything. I explained the situation, and the bag boy and I ran out to stop the lady. When she saw us she started running to her car, so we chased her. When she got in her car we grabbed the door and started pulling her leg. Like I am doing to you.
Hotel receptionist: Sir, you will be in room 2013
Dad: rolls eyes ugh, that room is so last year.
This magnet went up on our fridge a few days ago. "Honey, what does that say?"
http://pandyland.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/2013-03-26-dna-sample.png
Source: http://pandyland.net/82/
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2013-11/enhanced/webdr05/19/15/enhanced-buzz-11118-1384891457-13.jpg
Sister: Dad, what did you get me for Christmas?
Dad: Sister, it's 2013, I got you an E-gift.
Sister: Well what was it?
Dad: Just some Bits and Bytes.
In my head Dad totally "dropped the mic" after he laid down that line.
No joke, it's still 2014 as I post this and I remember seeing all the all new year jokes from 2013/2014.
http://www.octopuns.net/2013/12/98-poker.html
2013: Didn’t jog
2014: Didn't jog
2015: Didn't jog
2016: Didn't jog
2017: Didn’t jog
2018: Didn’t jog
2019: Didn’t jog
2020: Still haven’t jogged
This is a running joke.
