01 Puns

I said "Good year!" He replied asking "Really?" I told him "Well, out of all the years during the 1600s, that was the 1!"

https://veryaligaming.com/2021/01/hysterical-gamer-dad-overwatch-gameplay-goes-viral-veryali/

There hasn't been any posts this year!

(Reposted at 12:01 AM 1.1.21 after a duel with autocorrect)

I said I'd tell him later

There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't.

This actually happened a couple years ago, but I've decided to finally come out if lurking to share it here.

I was on a trip with some friends and we had stopped for lunch. We weren't very busy so my buddy and I shared a plate of wings and a couple pitchers of beer. When it came to pay, the bill was $20.01 (I don't remember how much it actually was, but it was an odd number) and we just split the bill down the middle. When we got our checks, his had the extra penny. We joked about him paying so much more, and so I said I would add an extra penny to my tip, plus one more penny to one up him.

Afterwards when we were walking out my buddy turned to me and said "do you think she'll she even notice?" I said "I like to think that she will notice and maybe chuckle at it. Besides pennies can add up and make a difference, but that's just my 2 cents"

I am not a dad yet. But I definitely feel the fatherly humor running through my veins.

♰✝✝️✞

Don't want to press your luck

I’ll tell ya later

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A horse was in a hurry to make a sandwich before the last day of the month of April but was missing one ingredient, as 12:01 rolled around, all the horse had to say was “May? Oh!” “Neighs”

Today for example. Me: “Tomorrow morning is going to rain.” Coworker: “What’s afternoon?” Me: “The time stretching from 12:01 to about 5pm.” Laughter ensued from the rest of the shop.

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

An obligatory comment about this being my first post

My son showed me his watch. The time on the watch was changing sporadically: 5:24, 12:01, 8:39, 1:44, etc. He said, "Look! My watch is having a stroke!" My response, "I don't know about a stroke, I'd say it's more likely a short in its Trisynaptic Circuit."

https://us-east-1.tchyn.io/snopes-production/uploads/2016/01/abandoned-sub.jpg

So one day I was in the grocery store, and when I went to check out there was a lady with a lot of items in her cart. She offered that I go in front, but I declined. After all of her groceries were checked out she walked off to her car. When I went to pay for my groceries it had her items on my list to pay. I looked at the cashier and she said that the lady said I was her son and was going to pay for everything. I explained the situation, and the bag boy and I ran out to stop the lady. When she saw us she started running to her car, so we chased her. When she got in her car we grabbed the door and started pulling her leg. Like I am doing to you.

The Yuan Percent.

"Why can't you ask a German how high his sunflower is?" "(oh god) Why?" "Cause he'll say, 'ZIS HIGH! http://emptysuit.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/504842c.jpg'"

I work as a cashier and was ringing up an older gentleman's items for him.

Me: It's $8.30 sir.

Him: (looks up from his wallet and smiles) No it's only 8:01

I stared at him and giggled like a kid when I realized what happened. Made my day.

http://pvponline.com/comic/2014/10/01/involuntary-reflux

Wife sent me these (she can't believe she's condoning this behavior):

What does the subatomic duck say? Quark Quark

Two photons arrive at the airport and they are asked if they have any luggage to check. "No thanks, we're traveling light"

Source

I shared a story about a new supernova on facebook. Then my Dad and some others chimed in with this.

Here's the supernova story if you're interested: New Supernova in M82

Me:M

Guy:G

M: Hello, may I help you?

G: Yes, number four, plain, no tax.

M: Ok, that will be $7.29

G: Ok (Hands over $7.30, (every time))

M: Ok, here's your change ($0.01)

G: Oh look I won the lottery!

M: (Awkward smile after hearing joke, once again) Have a good night.

1. great

2. great

3. great

4. great

5. great

6. great

7. great

8. great

9. great

10. great

11. fucking gold

http://mashable.com/2014/01/18/54-dad-jokes/?utm_cid=mash-com-fb-main-link