I met my partner after we both reached for the same rifle scope.

You know what they say, love at first sight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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When your horoscope says you are going to fall ill this month

It's more of a horror scope

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyool_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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Did you hear about the scientists who discovered there are bank clerks on the moon?

They saw them through their teller-scopes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron2571
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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How do you know if a sniper loves you?

He misses you

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CustomAtomicDress
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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In 1925, the courts ruled on whether primates can use mouthwash.

It was during the Scope monkey trial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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My girlfriend and her younger sisters (21 and 9) were adopted by lesbian parents. I'm going to be the only dad joke source in their lives and it's a big responsibility that I take seriously. Any suggestions are welcomed.

For the youngest siblings recent 9th birthday I put 9 dollars in a block of ice (had to bribe a local butcher shop to let me put a cooler in their freezer, worth it) But I need some long term ideas, because I intend to show this family with a lack of dads the full scope of dad jokes

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MANTHEFUCKUPBRO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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My dad had a colonoscopy...

Me: "Are you all right dad? It wasn't too bad, was it?"

Dad: "It was a pain in the arse."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IanWoansBatCave
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2015
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The project management office tried to open a pharmacy but went out of business due to poor sales of mouthwash.

They were out of SCOPE.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greg_zielinski
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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I was playing Battlefield 1 a while ago.

I was playing Battlefield 1 a while ago. I sneezed as I did a quick scope kill.

Talk about a sick shot.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2016
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I spilled my mouthwash all over the place and nobody cares...

I guess they just don't understand the Scope of the situation..

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jomajorsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
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hunting dad

Dad:I can't wait for hunting season. Mom: You never shoot anything, I don't get you. Dad:Its just nice being outside and sometimes I look through the scope and almost pull the trigger. Mom:Of course you do honey you're such a cute wuss sometimes. Dad:Good thing for you I am Mom:Why'd you say that honey? Dad: Sometimes you're very deer to me sweetheart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iforgotoops
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2016
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A student got me today

Three students had four microscopes set up to look at specimens for biology lab today. They moved from one microscope to the next as a group. I asked why they were doing this instead of one person per microscope. One of them replied "we are just scoping things out."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teamsloth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
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