I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
They’re on standbi
Buenosdillas
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
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French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
" . . . It was this power to satirize and the fact that poets were eager to incite the nobles to rebellion that explains the irreconcilable hostility of the English toward them. The established judgment of the government toward the poets is no doubt expressed in the following memorandum: 'Bards. All their poetries tending to the furtherance of vice and the hurt of the English.' No wonder the commissioners of the King in Limerick ordained in 1549 that 'No rhymer [poeta] nor other person whatsoever shall make verses [carmina] or any other thing else called auran to any one after God on earth except the King, under penalty of the forfeiture of all his goods.'
From time to time special campaigns against the poets were mounted. For example, in the year 1415 there is an account of Lord Justice Talbot (Lord Furnivall) organizing attacks on Diarmaid Ó Dálaigh, Dubhthach Mac Eochadha Eolaigh, and Muirgheas Ó Dálaigh. In 1579, Sir Henry Harrington was appointed 'seneschal' and principal administrator of the land of Ó Byrne and other neighbourhoods. Here were some of his responsibilities:
> He shall make proclomation that no idle person, vagabond or masterlass man, bard, rymer, or other notorious malefactor, remain within the district on pain of whipping after eight days, and of death after twenty days.
He shall apprehend those who support such, and seize their goods, certifying the same to the lord deputy.
In a district adjacent to County Kildare, Gerald, the Earl of Kildare, and Piers fitz James of Ballysonnon had a special commission, which included the following mandate:
> They are also to punish by death, or otherwise as directed, harpers, rhymers, bards, idlemen, vagabonds, and such horse-boys as have not their master's bill to show whose men they are.
All this persecution took its toll, and a great number of poets came to a violent end—among them, Eoghan Ruadh Mac an Bhaird, Muiris Ballach Ó Cléirigh, Donnchadh an tSneachta Mac Craith, Cú Connacht Ó Cianáin, and Tadhg Dall ÓhUiginn.
It is strange to think that all the powers of the government were not able absolutely to wipe out and annihilate the poets and the tradition they represented. And there is an irrepressible irony in the fact that Sir John Perrott hired bards to sing the praises of the English Queen and that Lord Mountjoy and Sir George Carew bribed Aonghus Ruad Ó Dálaigh to satirize the native families—if there is any truth in those allegations."
From *The Irish Literary
... keep reading on reddit ➡Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
