WOW.
"What was the other reindeer's name?"
"Um, Dasher?"
No."
"Dancer?"
"No. Olive."
"Olive?"
"Yes! Olive, the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names."
I was very proud.
What do you call a person with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows?
So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up !
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
“I’m a creek. I’m a riverrrrrrrr.”
He said, "No hablo Ingles."
Me: "That's because he's a party pooper!"
I added, “...So you went to a witch doctor and ever since you’ve been a little horse.”
The zoo tour guide told us that one of the snakes was sick. I blurted out "he must have a reptile dysfunction".
Is it called a “teen” spirit? 🤔
This year, I will try to beat that but, I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else...
12 y/o: we saw Will Smith at a coffee shop!
Me: Woah, that’s awesome!
Her: guess what he was drinking
Me: what?
Her: French Press of Bel-Air!
I am proud to say I hit one of them
-Gary delaney
She didn't like it.
Nevermind, I don't want to tell 30 stories.
A Trump-et.
She utterly hates Dad jokes. This, naturally, only encourages me
So, yesterday
Me: Hey Princess! Did you hear they found some crazy insect on the moon?
Her: This is a dad joke isn't it? Please get out of my room
Me: No really. They're calling it a lunar-tic
Her: OUT!
To which I replied, "Unless it's exothermic, in which case it's hot"
The eye roll was audible.
Pressing the button
Phone call from my dad "Where the hell are you? I haven't seen or heard from you all year, don't you care about your mother and I anymore!?!"
I was about 8 at the time and asked
me: "Dad, what does gracias mean in Spanish?"
Dad: "It means fell over"
me: "Okay, thank you"
Got it wrong with my homework, and finally it dawned on me with the joke he made
Dad- Any movies out that you wanna see? 7 Years A Slave looks pretty good
Me- I think it's 12 Years A Slave
Dad: I must've heard about the abridged version.
Background: I have the names and birth dates of each of my two daughters on my calves. 12 year old on the right, 8 year old in the left.
Today, my eldest was looking at my tats and said to the babysitter, "Well, I guess I'm 'all right' with dad!".
The baby sitter said something to the effect of, "That's silly."
So I looked at my daughter, winked and said to the babysitter, "Well, she is right."
Dad: "So do you only play against the local schools?" Cousin: "No, it's travel league" Dad: "Well, I prefer the leagues that make you dribble.."
