You got a friend in me
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
He picks R!
Your Pixar Good.
They cut it from the script because it was too much of a buzzkill.
A lot, there's like 4 movies.
You can say he was a buzz kill.
A high chair!
I used to have a woodpecker named Woody, until he went insane and attacked my girlfriend. I still can't believe that Woody would peck her.
Tiiiiiimbeeeeer-ton
You’ve got a friend in me
Looking for what my fellow Dads would name this garden artwork in my buddies yard.
I called it GandOwlF
We have an office tree that I have taken to making as many puns around as possible and this has culminated in the ficus being named Morgan Treeman for some time. I felt it time he turned over a new leaf so I want to spruce him up with a new name, but I'm a bit stumped. So far I've got ideas like:
- Tree Diddy
- Justin Timberlake (too easy)
- Queen LaTreefa
et al...
I just feel lackluster about them so I'm looking to branch out here. Any tips?
T'hanks.
There is this black guy who details cars in our parking lot for the surrounding businesses. My boss was coming back from lunch and noticed this gentleman needed help starting his client's car, so my boss got his cables out and gave the man a jump. When he told the office this I said "Thank you for putting an end to the stereotype that white men can't jump." Everyone gave a collective "ugh!"
Well strung...
So I found this toy hand that was all alone on the couch, it looked like it came off a Woody doll or something. So I put it in my pocket and waited for the perfect moment to strike.
About 30 minutes later, my wife is holding our 9 month old who's crying - jackpot.
I walk in the kitchen, "Hey, can I give you a hand?"
Pulled out the hand. She liked it. I walked away very proud of myself.
Whenever someone comes into the house my dad asks
"Hey, ______, can I get you a drink or something to eat? I can open up a can of ribs." My dad thinks this is hilarious and usually ends up cracking himself up while our guest just stands there nervously laughing from confusion. It's a Woody Allen quote btw.
Another one is whenever someone asks what his occupation is: "Philanthropist"
"Really?"
"Yea. But I'm not a very good one"
"What's green and pecks on a tree?"
...
"Woody Wood Pickle!"
::falls over laughing::
