Wittow Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

Originally foals in their nonverbal stage didn’t chirp to communicate, instead, they would pronounce random syllables repeatedly, something along the lines of: "gu, gu, ga, ga, pa, pa pi, pi, pu, pu, ma, ma, mi, mi mo, mo." However, this was so nerve-rackingly annoying that even the executives, who mind you had a high tolerance for fluffy’s annoying tendencies, had to admit it was unbearable, and so the chirping and peeping were programmed into the non-verbal stage of a fluffy’s development, thus “chirpy babies”. Now the funny thing is if you derp a chirpy foal right as they’re learning to talk, they will revert to the repeating syllables, and it’s so annoying that even other fluffies can´t stand the constant “gu, gu ga, ga” noises they produce. Calling them “´noying bebehs” and even going to the extreme of hurting them while shouting “SHADAP NOYING BEBEH!”

Fluffies in general have a very difficult time when it comes to thermoregulation, foals however have it especially difficult, because you see, during their first 6 to 7 days of life, fluffies are actually ectothermic meaning they don’t produce any heat by themselves and are completely dependent on their mama’s warmth, this is because fluffies hearts are very underdeveloped when they are born, and it requires a few days of growth for the heart to develop 2 distinct chambers allowing the foal to produce its own warmth, until then foals are completely dependent on external sources of warmth such as milk and hugs. Things don’t get much better as they grow though, because while they do become endothermic after a time, fluffies produce 20% less heat than normal mammals. And to add insult to injury a fluffy’s fluff is optimized for softens and looks, not keeping the creature warm. This however has a reason, you see. proto-fluffies had very high body temperatures, to the point that they were actually in a constant state of fever which meant that their biology sometimes just broke down and they randomly died in the middle of normal activities, so Hasbio decided to err on the cold side of thermoregulation because keeping a creature warm is mechanically easier than colling them down.

According to many firefighters around the world and even hasbio’s official guide to fluffies, Flufffies should never NEVER, I can’t stress this enough NEVER EVER. Be allowed next to fireplaces, this is because fireplaces are stupidly dangerous to fluffies. You see fluffies love warmth and light, and fluffies tend to interact with th

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob