Wagged Puns

Stroke its head.

If he wags his tail, it's male.

If she wags her tail, it's female.

One could say it is mood swings.

Because the tail can't wag their dog

On the night walk with our 2 pups. One is obsessed with toads and every item on the road is suspiciously inspected. Frequently a leaf is sniffed and nosed to encourage a leap. Tonight, a piece of gravel caught her eye with exuberant tailnub wagging! “Oh pupper that isn’t sedentary; it’s sedimentary.”

Hope you like it too.

I opened the cabinet to pull out the chocolate syrup when I noticed a chocolate fingerprint on the top. I jokingly asked her if she did that to mark it as hers since she had told me she might have to hide it to keep me from using it all. So, we go back and forth over whose fingerprint it is when she grabs it and takes it over to the dog. She holds it up and goes, "Eddie, look. Whose is that?" Of course, he's a dumb dog, so he just whines and wags his tail. She then comes back to me and says, "I sent the fingerprint to the Lab, results came back inconclusive." Cue long sigh.

Edit: Damn...

Edit 2: The Lab

I was walking past a bookstore with my father in law today. He looked in the window and saw a display of books that featured Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. My FIL said, "I tried reading Invisible Man years ago and I don't know, I just couldn't... I didn't really..." He struggled for words.

"You couldn't see the point?" I prompted with a grin.

He continued on for a moment till he saw me wagging my eyebrows and it hit him. I feel like I made him proud.

You'd think he would figure it out since we look nothing alike. He probably won't make it to his 18th birthday, so we try to make his life as happy and fulfilling as we can. Although sometimes I think we may spoil him and give him a few too many treats. I've tried telling him before, but I don't think he understands. He just gives me this weird look and wags his tail.

She used the word congealed. I told her I like the word coagulate better. Her dad then chimes in with "Coagulate: when two dogs wag their tails in unison."

The doctor says, "Okay, well have a seat." He then walks out of the room for a moment and comes back with a Labrador Retriever. The dog sniffs him a bit, then the doctor walks him back out of the room with his tail wagging. A couple minutes pass, and the doctor comes back with a cat. He rubs the cat all over the man until it meows, then takes it back out of the room. The doctor then returns and says, "Well, you seem fine to me. That'll be $1000." The man, flabbergasted, yells, "$1000?! There wasn't even anything wrong with me!" The doctor replies, "Well it rounds out to that between the lab work and the cat scan..."

My dad walked in and my dog was so excited and his tail was wagging so fast.

Me (to my dog) - If your tail wags any fast it's going to fall off

Dad (to my dog) - Then we'll have to take you to the retail store.

So I went to Asda with my dad, as we reached check out the cashier looked up and asked if we wanted free bags..

Dad - "sorry?" Cashier "..free bags"

Dad - "oh indeed...three bags full! (complete with finger wag)

Cashier - "no. the bags. they're free."

I walked out, chuckling.