Did you hear about the vertically challenged wood carver?

He was just a whittle guy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freedoomed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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I burned my Hawaiian pizza because I put it in the oven vertically.

Guess I was supposed to lei it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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Me: "I'm terrified of the vertical axis."

Therapist: "Why?" Me: [screams]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianGregor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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I was going to cover the windows of our new house with curtains, but my wife came in and tossed vertical blinds at me...

Dunno why the she had to throw shade on my pursuit...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Vertical axis is the 'y' axis xD
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stunner19
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Patient: I'm afraid of the vertical Axis.

Therapist: Why ?

Patient: Yes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiberCrash
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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I’m scared of the vertical axis

Don’t know y but I’m to scared to find out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HockeyTryhard25
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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My son drew a polygon with three edges and three vertices with angles less than 90Β°...

It was acute triangle, I must admit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Vertical integration
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/erdogranola
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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I got a new vertical bed to save space.

Only problem is, it keeps me up at night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weird_al_yankee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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I had to decide on what method I wanted to use in my house to get to the second floor. The options were stairs or a vertical climbing apparatus

I chose the ladder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WispOG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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It's also discontinuous
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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Dolphins have horizontal caudal(tail) fins, and sharks have vertical caudal fins so I guess you could call the caudal fin a...

Tell-tale sign

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OnePunchFan8
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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Here’s a simple guide on how to ride an escalator.

Step 1.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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How do you always stay positive in life?

|life|

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AahilD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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When it comes to learning Geometry, I am ok with triangles, squares, and rectangles.

But when it comes to two unconnected vertices, that’s where I draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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My new years RESOLUTION is to run a 5k... Display
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onesmallserving
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2015
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How do you sleep?

I went to buy a bed and the sales lady asked me if it was for me. I told her that it was and she the asked how I usually sleep. I told her I usually sleep horizontally since vertically doesn’t really work for me....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pardon__Moi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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Dad joked anyone who gave the kid Halloween candy

When they answered the door to give him candy, I had him say "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" or "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" and "I'm allergic to candy, do you have any sardines?"

He also stood facing away from the door for some.

He got a lot of laughs, a door slammed in his face and an offer for spicy mustard sardines.

Video: Halloween dad joke: http://youtu.be/Mp3IBlZnfFw (Forgive the vertical. I was trying to be discrete so not to contaminate the proceedings.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rasalom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
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dad-joked my dad twice

Parents were visiting for the holiday, my dad and I were talking about a little project we wanted to do. He said "I might be willing to do that if I was so inclined" He was standing up, so I paused and said "Well, you look pretty vertical right now, so I guess that's a no"

A short while later, I had run some errands, and when I came home, my dad was laying on the couch. I asked him about the project, since he was now inclined.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tullyswimmer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
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I was driving with my dad today and got this well timed joke while snapchatting.

https://youtu.be/03MFDa-9Q28

Sorry for vertical video :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wow_shibe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
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Sister tried to kill me with her eyes...

I was playing a vid on youtube, a neighbor down the road has published a new song. My sister sister sits down at the end of the table and asks if I can turn the laptop about 90 degrees, I grab the laptop and flip it 90 degrees vertical so the screen points towards the table.

If eyes could kill...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hitno
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2014
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Me: I’m afraid of the vertical axis.

Therapist: Why? Me: Screams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yuthenize
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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