They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.
They had difficulty keeping their Bering Strait.
Humpty Dumpty
I told him to grow a pear.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
Chris Cross Applesauce
A friend of mine has this great idea for a small business selling collectables, so he goes into a bank and walks up to the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan for a small business venture."
Patty looks in disbelief as she realizes this voice is coming from a dog. But being professional she clears her throat and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The dog says $500,000. And proceeds to fill out the loan paperwork.
Patty, the teller, reviews the paperwork and notices his name and is a little star struck as it reads: Buddy Mick Jagger. Feeling embarrassed, but curious, Patty asks if there is any relation to THE Mick Jagger?
The dog sighs and says, yes, Mick is his father, adopted, but his father nonetheless.
Patty explains that $500,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need something to act to secure such a large loan.
The dog says, "Yes ma'am. I have several sets of these" and shows her a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly shaped. He then produces more and more of these small porcelain animals all hand crafted and painted various colors. While trying to explain these collectables are what he hopes to sell Patty becomes very confused and thinks up a quick excuse:
"Well, for such a large loan and unusual collateral I will have to consult the branch manager."
Ms Whack finds the manager and says "There's a talking dog named Buddy Mick Jagger out here who claims to be a relation to Mick Jagger and wants a loan for $500,000. And as collateral he wants to use this?" She then holds up the small porcelain elephant. "I mean, what even is this? Is it valuable?"
The bank manager stands up, blinks a few times, looks her straight in the eye with a large smile and says: "Oh! That's a knick knack, Patty Whack. Give the dog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
(My grandpa would tell this joke at family gatherings to all of us grandkids, we would only ever get small parts of it at a time, but the rest of the adults would always groan at the end. Wasn't till many years later I realized this was a pretty common long haul joke! Still a good memory, hopefully it have you a chuckle!)
As there were no longer any nearby, he entrusted some of his staff with trying to catch bees from their natural habitats up in the mountains and bring them to the shore. Unfortunately, the bee population there had evolved specifically to their environment which made them die in the process.
The scientist were frustrated with failure, and seemed to have lost all faith in the project. On top of that, despite having tried to have children for years, he had not had any luck with conception and when he finally succeeded, her wife miscarried.
Disappointed with his failed ventures, the wife asked his husband: "So, do you have any idea on how to increase the local population?" Scientist said: "We have finally succeeded in bringing some new bees to the area but so far we have been unable to produce any offspring" She asked: "Are you sure you've tried all methods available?" He answered to her: "Yes, but having bay bees is far more difficult than we thought."
and my wife rolled her eyes when I mentioned I was now venturing into unfarted territory.
A joint venture.
We were all sitting there watching an Animal Planet special on bird migration (not by choice, the remote died), and after a few minutes apparent contemplation dad let this one loose on us.
"Did you hear about the ornithologist whose expedition was cancelled due to a severe snow storm?
I guess you could say things took an arctic tern for the worst!"
I think I may be booking a seat on the soonest ice floe out of this burg just to get away.
Oh no, he's got me doing it! It's spreading - run, save yourselves!
My wife and I went on a hike today. We ventured out to see a frozen waterfall, but the view from a distance I couldn’t see where the top of the waterfall. The wife went down for a closer look at took some pictures. She showed me them and I blatantly said, I see (icy).
They become a joint venture!
The year is 2045, space travel has finally gotten started.
As major companies scramble to come up with ways to capitalize on this new venture, Nissan decides to end its most popular light truck.
As the last one rolls off the line, they announce: "This is it, folks. This is the Final Frontier."
But that’s venturing into uncharded territory.
It was a joint venture
A 22 year-old man was obsessed with tractors, so much so that he had no social life outside of his fascination with farm machinery. His mother eventually intervened, forcing him to throw away all of his tractor merchandise and ordered him to find himself a girlfriend.
The man went to a bar that night in search of a partner and encountered a beautiful blonde. After exchanging pleasantries, the two moved outside in order to have a proper conversation away from the music. As they ventured into the smoking area, the woman complained that she hated the cigarette fumes which had engulfed them. Without flinching, the man took a huge, deep breath and inhaled all of the second-hand smoke in the vicinity.
Staring on in amazement, the woman asks how he could possibly have removed the smoke from the room.
The man turns back to her and replies: "I'm an ex tractor fan"
It was a joint venture.
It's a joint venture.
Boss said he wanted to start branching out into venture capitalism. He asked if I've ever watched Shark Tank and said that we'd be like that, only smaller.
"So, basically, a fish tank."
Thank goodness he found it funny.
He really wanted some cherries but the store was sold out. As soon as we got to the checkout he turned to me and said "Guess this was a fruitless venture." Groans ensued.
