I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas.
Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
π︎ 4k
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︎ May 03 2021
My fiance's father has forbidden our fruit themed wedding in Vegas...
Looks like we cantaloupe.
Edit: I'm sorry all. I know this is an especially low hanging fruit. Hell, it's practically on the ground.
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︎ Jun 03 2021
A monastery in Las Vegas kept getting chips in their donation box
It got so frustrating they decided to hire a chipmunk
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Everyone knows Las Vegas is Sin City but are you familiar with Den City?
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︎ Nov 03 2020
What fruit is not allowed in any Las Vegas Wedding Chapels?
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I was driving through Las Vegas when I saw an ant riding a gazelle to a wedding chapel.
It was my first time seeing an ant elope.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
The churches in Las Vegas
Did You Knowβ¦
In Las Vegas there are more Catholic Churches than casinos. Not surprisingly some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed In.
This is done by the chip monks.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
I hear that Las Vegas is the capital city of trigonometric functions..
It earned the nickname Sin City!
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︎ Sep 29 2020
I need to start wearing a diaper when I go to Vegas...
Itβs always just a matter of time until craps ruin my day
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 22 2020
In Vegas, people can tithe by dropping casino chips in the offertory.
At the end of the weekend there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.
Heβs the Chip Monk.
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︎ Sep 01 2020
A singer known for her show in Las Vegas has introduced a line of gourmet mustard...
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Two melons decide they want to get married. One suggests they do it in Vegas...
The other says "I'm sorry my mother always said, 'You cantaloupe.'"
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 11 2020
Mr. and Mrs. Melon told me the story of when they went to vegas to get married.
At the alter the priest said...
You cantaloupe.
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Why does the Dalai Llama go to Vegas so often?
π︎ 2k
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︎ Mar 01 2019
I'm from Las Vegas, so I know a thing or two about angles
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 19 2020
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams...
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
π︎ 15
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︎ Apr 29 2020
I had been lost in Las Vegas for days, wandering the streets. Up ahead, I thought I saw my hotel...
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 20 2020
Seen in down town Las Vegas
π︎ 2k
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︎ May 28 2018
Mate of mine used a modified Fatman in a New Vegas inspired talbetop-RPG. We both found the damage calculation of the lingering damage the GM thought of quite punny:
"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 21 2019
Had an awful meal at a casino in Las Vegas
The chips tasted of plastic.
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 24 2019
I was at a gentlemans club in Las vegas...
This voluptius Asian came over and I asked for a lap dance.While she was doing her thing,I asked her,"What nationality are you?"
She replied,"I'm half black and half Thai.
I then said,"Oh,I didn't realize this was a Black Tie affair.
Edit: True story.
π︎ 15
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︎ Sep 05 2019
If the Vegas Golden Knights win the Stanley Cup, no one will ever know
Cause what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
π︎ 35
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︎ Jun 08 2018
Two melons flew to Vegas to get married, but one of them called it off at the last minute.
He said, βIt may be easy for you to say βhun, I doβ, but I cantaloupe.β
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 26 2019
Card dealers in Las Vegas are quite rich.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 03 2019
My city's photography club is planning a trip to Vegas...
They're leaving on the red-eye flight
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 07 2019
I lost my kids' college fund playing dice in Vegas.
I admit it was a crappy thing to do.
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 15 2018
I managed to break even at Vegas this weekend. I lost a load of money on the blackjack table.
But then won it all back on the ATM machine.
π︎ 22
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︎ Jul 15 2018
I'm on vacation in Vegas, and my hotel falsely advertised views of the Strip
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 06 2018
What fruit cannot get married in Las Vegas?
π︎ 100
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︎ Dec 08 2016
Why arenβt there Vegas-style casinos in Africa?
π︎ 124
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︎ Dec 10 2017
I lived in vegas.
I lived in Vegas and the same guy was always asking me for "spare change" at the Market. So one day I brought him a donut ,a lugwrench, and a car jack.
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 23 2018
Went to Las Vegas
I stepped into my fav casino, and went to the roulette tables.
I laid out my tokens on the table, only choosing even numbers....
It seems the odds are against me
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 28 2018
My dad and I are in Las Vegas..
First casino we walk in he says to me. I bet you 20 bucks the first machine I go to I'll get 100 dollars. You're on. He then walks up to an ATM.
π︎ 168
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︎ May 12 2016
Why didn't the melons get married in Las Vegas?
Because they were "cant-elope"!
Just thought of this one tonight having a late-night pregnancy craving for cantaloupe
π︎ 14
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︎ May 06 2017
So I heard there's this new Elvis impersonator in Vegas... but he came from India
He performs under the name Elvis Singh
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 16 2017
What's the difference between Las Vegas and Wuhan?
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
π︎ 44
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︎ Aug 18 2020
Las Vegas is known as βSin Cityβ, but which sin does it represent?
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 23 2020
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas ?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
π︎ 116
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︎ Mar 26 2020
Why did the melons get married in a church instead of Vegas?
π︎ 14
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︎ Jul 21 2020
Why does the Dalai Lama go to Vegas so often?
π︎ 83
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︎ Sep 04 2019
Why are melons not allowed to get married in Vegas?
π︎ 31
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︎ May 28 2019
Most people know that Sin City is Vegas... But do they know what Den City is?
π︎ 152
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︎ Feb 08 2019
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.
One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.
His wife answered the door.
"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."
"That much?"
"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."
"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.
"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."
π︎ 12
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︎ Sep 30 2019
Why couldn't the melons get married in Vegas?
π︎ 24
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︎ Jun 18 2019
What is Las Vegasβ least favorite fruit?
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 03 2019
Why arenβt two melons able to go to Vegas and get married?
π︎ 18
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︎ Jun 04 2018
What type of fruit cannot get married in Las Vegas?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 08 2016
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