I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas.

Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtosThunder
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My fiance's father has forbidden our fruit themed wedding in Vegas...

Looks like we cantaloupe.

Edit: I'm sorry all. I know this is an especially low hanging fruit. Hell, it's practically on the ground.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Solest044
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A monastery in Las Vegas kept getting chips in their donation box

It got so frustrating they decided to hire a chipmunk

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/te_ka
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Everyone knows Las Vegas is Sin City but are you familiar with Den City?

Mass over volume.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What fruit is not allowed in any Las Vegas Wedding Chapels?

Cantaloupe

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfoxtrot21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I was driving through Las Vegas when I saw an ant riding a gazelle to a wedding chapel.

It was my first time seeing an ant elope.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
The churches in Las Vegas

Did You Know…

In Las Vegas there are more Catholic Churches than casinos. Not surprisingly some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed In.

This is done by the chip monks.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I hear that Las Vegas is the capital city of trigonometric functions..

It earned the nickname Sin City!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I need to start wearing a diaper when I go to Vegas...

It’s always just a matter of time until craps ruin my day

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillathunda1989
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
In Vegas, people can tithe by dropping casino chips in the offertory.

At the end of the weekend there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.

He’s the Chip Monk.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A singer known for her show in Las Vegas has introduced a line of gourmet mustard...

Celine Dijon

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Two melons decide they want to get married. One suggests they do it in Vegas...

The other says "I'm sorry my mother always said, 'You cantaloupe.'"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sopwith_Snipe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Mr. and Mrs. Melon told me the story of when they went to vegas to get married.

At the alter the priest said... You cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColeMotto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does the Dalai Llama go to Vegas so often?

He loves Tibet.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm from Las Vegas, so I know a thing or two about angles

It is sin City after all

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crimsonate-F3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams...

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"

"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.

"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I had been lost in Las Vegas for days, wandering the streets. Up ahead, I thought I saw my hotel...

But it was a Mirage...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Seen in down town Las Vegas
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesometoenails
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Mate of mine used a modified Fatman in a New Vegas inspired talbetop-RPG. We both found the damage calculation of the lingering damage the GM thought of quite punny:

"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoughShadow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Had an awful meal at a casino in Las Vegas

The chips tasted of plastic.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at a gentlemans club in Las vegas...

This voluptius Asian came over and I asked for a lap dance.While she was doing her thing,I asked her,"What nationality are you?"

She replied,"I'm half black and half Thai.

I then said,"Oh,I didn't realize this was a Black Tie affair.

Edit: True story.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If the Vegas Golden Knights win the Stanley Cup, no one will ever know

Cause what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Mulligan-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Two melons flew to Vegas to get married, but one of them called it off at the last minute.

He said, β€œIt may be easy for you to say β€˜hun, I do’, but I cantaloupe.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mhwal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Card dealers in Las Vegas are quite rich.

They often decked out.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My city's photography club is planning a trip to Vegas...

They're leaving on the red-eye flight

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my kids' college fund playing dice in Vegas.

I admit it was a crappy thing to do.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I managed to break even at Vegas this weekend. I lost a load of money on the blackjack table.

But then won it all back on the ATM machine.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/monkeyupbirch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm on vacation in Vegas, and my hotel falsely advertised views of the Strip

It was a strip tease

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What fruit cannot get married in Las Vegas?

Cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Minotard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Why aren’t there Vegas-style casinos in Africa?

Too many cheetahs.

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarterLawler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
I lived in vegas.

I lived in Vegas and the same guy was always asking me for "spare change" at the Market. So one day I brought him a donut ,a lugwrench, and a car jack.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpicyBe-ans
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Went to Las Vegas

I stepped into my fav casino, and went to the roulette tables.

I laid out my tokens on the table, only choosing even numbers....

It seems the odds are against me

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad and I are in Las Vegas..

First casino we walk in he says to me. I bet you 20 bucks the first machine I go to I'll get 100 dollars. You're on. He then walks up to an ATM.

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hogy13
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the melons get married in Las Vegas?

Because they were "cant-elope"!

Just thought of this one tonight having a late-night pregnancy craving for cantaloupe

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shit_in_2017
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
🚨︎ report
So I heard there's this new Elvis impersonator in Vegas... but he came from India

He performs under the name Elvis Singh

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/john_dune
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between Las Vegas and Wuhan?

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atg_gta
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Las Vegas is known as β€œSin City”, but which sin does it represent?

NV.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinjesus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between Wuhan and Las Vegas ?

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the melons get married in a church instead of Vegas?

Because they cantaloupe

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/50ShadesOfPalmBay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does the Dalai Lama go to Vegas so often?

He loves Tibet!

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are melons not allowed to get married in Vegas?

They cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maximilian156
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Most people know that Sin City is Vegas... But do they know what Den City is?

Mass divided by volume

πŸ‘︎ 152
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"

"But you're getting my husband and his otter. They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350." the man countered.

"Sorry..." she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the melons get married in Vegas?

Because they cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeewulfeh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What is Las Vegas’ least favorite fruit?

Cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Idlemonk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why aren’t two melons able to go to Vegas and get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RaiKamino
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What type of fruit cannot get married in Las Vegas?

Cantaloupe.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Minotard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2016
🚨︎ report

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