I know a couple of vampire puns
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? 🧛🏽♂️🧐
What's the difference between a vampire and a sick guy at a narcolepsy convention?
One sleeps in a coffin and one coughs at a sleep-in
What do you call a vampire with gastrointestinal issues?
You see the races at the vampire Olympics?
I heard they were neck and neck!
What did the mommy vampire say to the baby vampire?
"Eat your soup dear, before it clots"
Why did the vampire divorce his wife?
what do you call a Vampire who also brings back the dead?
What’s a vampire’s favorite ship?
What did Van Helsing sing when he killed the last vampire?
What do you get when a vampire burns up in the sun?
two nuns are driving along the road and a vampire jumps off a bridge and lands on the hood of their car. the driver panics but the passenger says "they are easy to deal with, just show him your cross!"
So the driver shouts " look what you did to my paintwork you pointy toothed arsehole!"
What do you call an old vampire?
I was recently asked by a friend who my favorite vampire is. I said the Muppet on Sesame St.
They said "He doesn't count!" I replied "I assure you, he does."
I bought 75% of shares in a vampire hunting business.
I'm the main stakeholder.
Dating a vegetarian vampire sucks...
She never wants to go get steak.
What do you call a vampire that has asthma?
Her: Who’s your favorite literary vampire?
Me: the one on Sesame Street
He doesn’t count
Me: I can assure you he does
What do you call a coupon-using vampire?
Discount.
(My daughter just came up with that and is quite proud).
Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever
He took 14 years to turn into a bat
How does a vampire keep secrets
To kill a French vampire you need to impale it through the heart with a baguette.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.
How do you say bye to a vampire?
I found a vampire in my freezer.
The Vampire double checked the order form to understand why his latest shipment of AB+ was incorrect.
I just asked my kids who’s their favorite vampire?
And you can’t count Dracula.
Why shouldn’t you finance a vampire in a poker game?
They don’t like being staked
Vampire movies really suck.
Especially those Twilight movies. They don't have much bite.
Did you know the band Europe were vampire hunters on the side?
They won’t stop until they are sure they’ve brought THE FINAL COUNT DOWN!
What does an IT Vampire leave behind?
Why did the idea kill the vampire?
It dawned on him.
(my first original joke!)
What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?
What's the worst place to take a vampire on a date?
Which vampire is the tallest one?
Why do you never hear Vampire stories based in Africa?
Because they Bless the Rains down in Africa.
The vampire hunters' association had a community outreach program
they had to appeal to stakeholders.
New vampire
Just sold an antique mirror to a newly turned vampire…. Sucker!!
What does the vampire vegetables say when they knock on your door?
What does a vegan vampire eat?
What do you call a vampire that can bring back the dead?
What do you call a vampire out on a date?
What is a vampire’s favorite ship?
How do you know a vampire is sick?
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was. I replied "the count from Sesame Street."
They told me, "he doesn't count!" I replied, "I assure you, he does."
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