[request] Boat puns?

Decorating a cardboard boat tomorrow (made it today) and thinking of covering it with different puns. The name shall be Admiralable Saboateur if I go this route, but I'm not sure how to incorporate it all together to make it a theme. I also thought of Aquadisiac and "Are you my armama?" but I'm not sure if the crowd would get the armada reference either. Any boat puns are appreciated!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LivingSecrets
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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Amish men can’t motorboat their wives.

They can only row boat them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/albino-ugandan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2022
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?

If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jubafish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2022
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Me and my friend were on a boat with 3 cigarettes but no lighter

So we threw the 3rd cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IxXDevilXxI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2022
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There was this tramp…

One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake.

He turned to see a little girl struggling in the broken ice in the middle of the lake. She'd been skating and had fallen into the icy water. Without a moment's hesitation the tramp ran onto the ice and slipped and slided over to the little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and he carried her back to the road.

He took off his coat and wrapped the little girl in it and began looking for a car to flag down. A few moments later a huge chauffeur-driven limo pulled up, and who stepped out but the little girl's father - the mayor of the nearby town and a multi-millionaire.

"How can I ever thank you sir?" says the father after putting his daughterinto the warmth of the limo.

"Just name your price - I'm a wealthy man."

"Ahem, well ..." stammered the tramp "...eh I'm a little short of cash, perhaps you could help me out"

"Certainly" says the girl's father and he pulls out his wallet.

"Oh dear" says the father, "I don't carry much cash with me, I only have ten dollars - but come home with me and I'll get more from the safe"

"No! No!" says the tramp, "Why ten dollars is more money than I've seen in my whole life - that will be plenty".

"Well, if you insist" says the father - "now what will you do with your money?"

"Oh that's easy" says the tramp "I've not had a rest in 20 years. I think I'll buy myself a holiday"

"Well good luck" says the father, and he gets into the car and signals his chauffeur to drive home.

"Ten Dollars" thinks the tramp, "I'm rich! I'm rich!", and off he goes to the town, to buy himself a holiday.

He finds a travel agent, walks in - much to the disgust of the staff - and goes up to the desk.

"I'll have one holiday please!"

"Ahem, which holiday would sir like" asked the girl at the desk, forcing a smile.

"Oh, any holiday I don't mind" replied the tramp.

"Well how much money does sir have to spend on sir's holiday?"

"Oh lots - anything up to ten dollars"

"TEN DOLLARS!! You'll never get a holiday for ten dollars" says the girl incredulously.

"Oh dear" said the tramp, "and I was so looking forward to a holiday - I'll probably never get another chance - isn't there anything you can do?"

"Well I don't think so sir, but hold on and I'll check"

The girl goes into the back of the shop, and searches in the deepest, dustiest filing drawers she can find. There - to her amazement -

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FancyAlligator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2022
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My grandfather grew up in a small town.

His best friend, Roy, was known around town for having an adventurous streak that a small town just couldn't satisfy. Roy yearned to travel the world, to rub shoulders with the well-to-do, and to squeeze every drop of excitement he could out of life. While most young folk in town, my grandpa included, were resigned to their lot, Roy was driven by his dream. He worked incredibly hard, taking every hired-hand and handy-man job he could find. He would walk five miles each way to clean a gutter if there was a nickel to be made. His hometown was always spotless, because Roy would pick up every glass bottle he saw to get the deposit back, and every can he found would get turned in for recycling.

The years stretched on. Grandpa settled down with his high school sweetheart in a one-room cottage and had my dad, and not much else. Roy kept hurrying from one job to the next, never spending a dime on a date. Everyone would just roll their eyes and quietly gossip about how poor Roy's obsession was robbing him of a real life.

One day, Roy showed up at Grandpa's house, all decked out in a brand new khaki safari kit, complete with helmet, binoculars, and elephant gun, and announced that he had finally saved up enough for passage to Africa to go big game hunting. He was especially proud of the fine leather boots he was sporting. "Indestructable" he called them, totally impenetrable to water, wind, and snow. No trench-foot for him while he tracked rhinos on the savannah!

Grandpa congratulated Roy on his achievement and wished him bon voyage. Over the next three months, the town felt Roy's absence. Litter lay where it fell, gutters overflowed in heavy rain, small-time farmers rose that bit earlier and bedded that bit later to cover the work Roy used to help with. Of course, the gossipers just turned their chat from how Roy needed a dose of reality to how thoughtless it was of him to just up and leave. Most folks were convinced Roy was gone for good. After all, how could he come back from such a high-falutin' adventure to his tiny, no-account hometown?

But return Roy did, and everyone crowded around at the bar to hear his account of his safari. To their surprise, Roy told them that, for all the time he had been away, he only bagged one trophy that was currently on a slow boat back. It turned out, once Roy got a close-up look at the elephants, rhinos, giraffes, gazelles, and all the fine animals of the African savannah, he lost all heart for hunting. He just couldn't imagi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllylTeapot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2022
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I had an interview to join the Navy. Interviewer asked if I could swim.

I said " Why? Don't you have any boats?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hd_cartoon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2021
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When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore.

When an eel bites your hand, and that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When paternity tests, lead to ratings success, that’s a Maury.

When our habits are strange, and our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

But Canadians protest, underrepresented in jest, what’s one more, eh?

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”-

(Repost of mine from over a year ago. Sorry. I remembered it while stoned and it was funny again. Credit to u/weizguy74 for the Maury line.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2021
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Pete and Repete were on a boat, Pete fell off, who was left?

Pete and Repete were on a boat, Pete fell off, who was left?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tommyc463
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2021
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Why hadn’t the Canadian bought a canoe yet?

He was still thinking a-boat it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirdoogofyork
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2021
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Two Men Are Sitting In A Boat When Suddenly...

A huge pair of jaws crushes their boat, trapping them in the beasts mouth. As water and krill fill the cavity, one man claws at the inside desperately as the other sits calmly on the tongue. Furious, the panicked man screams at the other as to how he can be so calm. He replies in an even tone, "In times like these I just remember that famous saying: All's whale that ends whale!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dethromancer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2021
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Why do scuba divers roll backwards off boats?

Because if they rolled forward they would just go into the boat!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onlymushu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2021
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Got my daughter a kayak for her birthday and taught her a valuable lesson

I told her that if she gets cold she should put on a sweatshirt and not light a fire in the boat, because you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Her response: daaaaaaaaddddd πŸ™„

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coachlasso
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2021
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There are 3 men on a boat.

Each has a cigarette, but nothing to light it with.

So one man throws his cigarette into the water, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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Beyonce

I told my wife, that I had a thing for Beyonce. She said, "whatever floats your boat." I said; "No , that's buoyancy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orcamarine
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2021
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Boston Baked Beans

This is a joke that was told to me by a Boston Duck Boat tour guide. I was reminded of this joke because of today's Julian Date(240).

Why are there only 239 beans in every can of Boston Baked Beans?

Because if there was even 1 more, they'd be too fahty (bad Boston accent)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sterlingnotes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2021
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Fishing with my 8 yo son

Several years ago I take the boy fishing on boat. We haven't caught anything all day. I can tell he's bored but hanging with dad is still cool. I show him the fish finder, explain how it works, and tell him to get ready, there are a bunch below us. A few minutes later, not a single bite...

"Dad?"

"What's up bud?"

In complete seriousness, "Are you sure that isn't just a water finder???"

I'm so proud of that boy πŸ₯²

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onecrappieday
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2021
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There are 3 guys and 4 cigarettes in they want to have a smoke but they have no matches

So they throw 1 cigarette overboard and there boat becomes a cigarette lighter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ultimate_89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2021
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Pete & Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?

Repeat.

Ok. Pete & Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?

Repeat….?

Ok. Pete & Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?…

My grandpa’s favorite joke. (Peter 5)

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πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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Joke from my Son...

Where would you find meteors?

On meaty boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adfunk101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2021
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I caught my wife with another man

Some stories have hooks.

This story has a bloody good one.

It's about loveβ€”

Or at least marriage.

My marriage.

At heart, it's your typical fish out of water story, but like I said there's a hook.

The hook's in the beginning.

Although it's really the tail end that's most movingβ€”at least now, when our love's drying up.

Understand:

I'm a fisherman, and I caught my wife with another man.

Well, I caught the man first.

I used Craigslist.

But I suppose the details don't really matter. It's enough to know that by the time he was naked in the shed it was too late for him to change his mind.

He broke down easily. He wasn't particularly thick skinned.

That's where the hook came inβ€”

pushed through a fold of flesh on his back.

He wasn't much in the size department, but I didn't intend for him to get hung up on it. Unfortunately, he kept trying to escape, so what choice did I have? Then he seemed quite insecure, so I pierced him with another steel hook just in case.

Like I said:

Bloody good hook.

After he stopped struggling, I took him down and dragged him to my boat. Then we went fishing.

Hold on, though.

I may need to backtrack a little, because you may be wondering how I even knew she was out there.

The answer is: I'd already seen her swimming a few times.

It was love at first sight.

Like many couples nowadays we met on the net.

So back to when I was fishing:

I was in my boat with the Craigslist man with the steel hooks in his back. I had tied a thick rope to one of the hooks, placed the man onto a net, and pushed them both overboard. He splashed and choked, attracting a lot of attention.

I waited for her call.

It came.

She sounded so near to me.

When she swam just close enough to the Craigslist man in the water, I pulled in the netβ€”and there she was: shining, mine to the gills and writhing so enticingly!

I took her ashore.

I placed her in a water tank and told her she would be my wife.

I screwed herβ€”

shut.

For days I watched her bangβ€”

on the glass.

Until one day it happened: the glass cracked, the tank broke open, and with the water she spilled onto the floor.

Now here I am, watching my marriage fall apart.

Her gills are barely stirring.

Her face: dry and still.

It's only her scaly tail that's still gently moving.

I caught my wife with another man. I met her on the net. I thought our love would last forever, but now, listening to her shriek, I realize I was catfished! I wanted to marry a sirenβ€”but this thing is nothing

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/normancrane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
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I should have been making more jokes about the whole Suez canal situation...

I really missed the boat on that one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hallsguide
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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Me: I think I have a crush on BeyoncΓ©.

Her: Whatever floats your boat.

Me: No. That’s buoyancy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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One day Sven was walking past Ole's place and noticed a sign that said Boat For Sale.

Sven went up to the barn and said "Ole, I see da sign in your yard. All you have is a tractor and a combine". Ole said "Yep, and der boat for sale!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water from the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zen-07
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2022
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Why do scuba divers always fall backwards into the water?

Because if they fall forwards, they would land in the boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skogula
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2022
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Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?

If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2022
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Do you know why do scuba divers fall backwards off the rail of a boat?

Because if the fell forwards, they would land in the boat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnallen272
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2021
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Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2021
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Why do divers fall backwards out of the boat?

Because if they fell forward they would still be in the boat

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KalbotJambot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2021
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4 men were sitting in a boat about to smoke a cigarette, when they realized they didn't have a cigarette lighter.

So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Why do scuba divers go off the boat backwards?

Because, if they went off forwards, they’d still be in the boat.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Said-Maybe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2021
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Why do scuba divers always roll backwards off the boat?

If they rolled forward, they’d still be on the boat…

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LIDadx3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2021
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Ten sailors decided to have a smoke while sailing, but forgot to bring a cigarette lighter.

So they threw a cigarette off the boat, and the boat became one cigarette lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttered_t0asties
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2021
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 691
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
"Dad, why do scuba divers roll backward off boats?"

"Because if they rolled forward, they'd still be in the boat."

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
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Three guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes and no matchbox or lighter, what do they do?

They throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gab3_itch69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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3 men are stuck on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

They throw one over board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spinach_Stock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Do y'know why divers roll off the boat backwards?

If they rolled forwards they'd still be in the boat!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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Why do scuba divers go backwards out the boat?

Cause if they went forwards they'd still be in the boat

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Do you know why scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat?

Because if they rolled forward, they’d be in the boat

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kat_GotYourTongue
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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