Did you know bees tend to have unusual religious beliefs?

That's because they're insects

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danelius90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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The other day I was driving by a prison and an unusually small person was scaling down the wall. I looked up at him confused as he sneered back at me.

And I thought to myself, well that’s a little condescending.

sorry it’s a repost of myself. My original post got removed for hate speech and harassment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZealousidealRise7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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What Do You Call An Unusually Tiny Plane?

A MIG-Jet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MichiMichu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Getting the singer wrong? It's not unusual.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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A man takes his wife to an unusual restaurant where you must stand in separate lines for each food item ...

As they sit down, the husband offers to go get their dinner. First he waits in line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for the potatoes. He he waits in the vegetable line, the bread line, the salad line, and even the gravy line.

He finally returns to the table with two heaping plates of food. β€œWhat would you like to drink?” he asks.

β€œA glass of punch would be nice,” she says. So off he goes to get it. He finds a line for wine, a line for beer, a line for soda, a line for milk, even a line for water. After considering all of his options he gives up and returns to the table empty-handed.

Sometimes there is no punch line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Curmudgeon1836
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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Wikipedias pun game is strong
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fritzifu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Mt. Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.

Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitch_watson
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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My boss has been on my case for my unusual use of punctuation, but as far as I'm concerned, it's my asterisk.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0minous-Brass
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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I'm going to start a photo essay entitled "Images Of A Jar Of Peanut Butter In Unusual Locations"

I'll even submit it to National Geographic, they'll give me a full-page spread.

bonus peanut butter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?

When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.

When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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Do you know what's an unusual pair?

An orange

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The13thD0CT0R
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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Quite unusual
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
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The town I was in had unusual parking enforcers.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BedHeadBread
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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The guy at the airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual.

I said, β€œYes. I just paid $20 for a cheese sandwich.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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[True story of Dad] The cat

I used to have a black cat named Big Guy. When I left for college, he stayed with my parents. One day I got a call from my mom and she mentioned he was missing. They hadn't seen him in a week. He was an indoor/outdoor cat and would occasionally disappear for a few days, but a whole week was unusual.

Anyway, I was bummed. I was set to visit the next week and was looking forward to seeing my cat.

I flew home and... it was weird. Now they had two cats! Both black. And Big Guy was back! But... why two cats now?

So here's the dad part. My mom started to really miss him. My dad saw this and went to the local shelters to see if anyone turned him in. He said, "After the 3rd one, I pretty much gave up."

So then my mom said, "So your father got another cat he thought looked "close enough" and tried to convince me it was Big Guy. I said, 'Have you lost it? This cat is a GIRL!'"

Then Big Guy came home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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My jokes have gotten so dad-ly

I've had to register them in three states.

They're considered cruel and unusual punishment in the other 47.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dracolytch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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Between the First Amendment's freedom of assembly and the Eighth Amendment's no cruel and unusual punishment, the US Constitution is basically saying "some assembly required, battery not included."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sylvanussr
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
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A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, β€œHoney, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, β€œTomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. β€œWell, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

β€œNo, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

β€œWell, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. β€œHer name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”

β€œBatteries?” cried the wife.

β€œYes,” he replied. β€œShe sells C cells by the Seashore.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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Dad’s Big Day Out

I witnessed an apple store robbery today, they made me an iWitness. I was already running late, after my wife took my cheese this morning. Even after I told her it was Nacho cheese. She asked what time my dentist appointment was, I told her Tooth hurt-y. But I didn’t end up going, as there was stairs I had to ascend. I don’t trust them, they’re always up to something. Then my wife got really mad at me and said that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

I went straight to the barber for a new look. He asked me if I wanted a haircut? I said no, I want them all cut. Puzzled he would ask such a silly question, I noticed the graveyard across the street looking overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there I thought. I picked up a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down! Shear amazement a barber would have a book like this! I told the barber I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me. He stopped cutting my hair when my ear fell off. He must of realised I was a leper at this point so I paid for his service and told him to keep the tip.

I received a call from my Eastern European mother in law, apparently my child was refusing to sleep during nap time. She told me he’s guilty of resisting a rest. Then she called me straight back to say there was a kidnapping. I rushed to her home to find my kid napping. I was angry by the miscommunication but that anger turned to joy when I realised it was the first day of spring. I got so excited I wet my plants. After which I realised I was late for soccer practice. I’m not a big fan of the sport but I was doing it for the kicks. I decided not to go as I was tired from the night before where I spent the night looking for the sun. Then it dawned on me. Unusual for me, as I’m usually a pretty good sleeper. I can do it with my eyes closed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethebigones
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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My buddy: "Just picked up a Tom Jones vinyl for $4! Hell yeah." Me: "That's not unusual."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amoore109
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2016
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So, this is the end.

I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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Saw a manhole today that was unusually oversized, and my wife commented on the fact

I said that it must be a "men hole"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/killboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2014
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Discussing unusual names, a co-worker says, "Oh, I've heard odder names before."

"Is that so? What were the names of those otters?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/intend
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2014
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Two detectives were investigating an unusual murder at a McDonald's.

The suspect allegedly put a Happy Meal toy into his victim's hamburger, choking him to death. One detective turned to the other and said, "Boy, I'm not sure what to do with this one - I've never had a knicknack patty whack before."

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
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A new study reveals that listening to a Queen album might be bad for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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My wife noted an unusual number of hawks in the sky today.

I responded "maybe they're part of a hawk-y team!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfofurn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2015
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I keep having dreams about Tom Jones

"is that common?"

It's not unusual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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I'm moving away to university on an unusually sunny morning, and Dad is driving me.

The light is beaming into my eyes. "Woah, it's so bright..", I remark.

"It's the future!"

"... What, Dad?"

"It's the future, Ermen, it's so bright!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ermen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
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Thought you'd appreciate my dadjoke marriage proposal

Back when i got engaged in 2009, my now-wife and i went for a picnic. I had the engagement ring wrapped in tinfoil in the picnic bag.

When we were done eating, i took it out but didn't unwrap it, and then i sneakily dialed her cell number. This was a bit we would do every now and then (call each other in the same room) so it wasn't that unusual.

She picks up the phone and says, "oh hello, why are you calling?"

To which i respond, "Oh i just felt like... [Unwraps tinfoil] Giving you a ring"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2017
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This week’s winning lottery numbers are 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.

I mean, what are the odds?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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Doctor, Doctor. I can’t stop sex bomb by Tom Jones.

Doctor: Sounds like you might have Tom Jones syndrome.

Me: Is it common?

Doctor: It’s not unusual.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freddy_1986
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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I'm working on a new movie script.

The plot revolves around an MD whose patients all have unusual symptoms and need to be seen by a specialist.

Working title: REFER MADNESS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grecianformula69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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A recent study shows that watching Bohemian Rhapsody multiple times might not be good for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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Is it strange that I still listen to Tom Jones?

Well, It's Not Unusual.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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[Request] Blog name suggestions (the punnier the better)

I'm starting a blog as a disabled writer consisting of anecdotal posts about the funny, but unusual circumstances my disability and wheelchair put me in. Any names that come to mind? Particularly fond of blogs titles like Laughing at My Nightmare and Bag Lady Moma. I'm in a wheelchair and have 24/7 care, my disability is Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)... go as wild as you like

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jessdon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
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If you watch Bohemian Rhapsody too many times, it might cause damage to your nervous system.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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A researcher working in a biology lab is brought two insects to dissect...

A cricket, and a tick.

He decides to start with the larger one, the cricket, and proceeds to put it under a microscope and carefully rip the dead insect apart writing down the results. Nothing unusual.

Moving on, he goes back to the delivery petri dish and notices the tick is missing.

He searches around for some time but the bugger is nowhere to be seen. Just before giving up he notices it crawling on his hand. Before the tick can bite him, he expertly grabs it and throws it under the microscope.

He turns it to the highest magnification and says to himself: "Let's see what makes you tick."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoffKalast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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Captain Kirk goes to Sickbay. "Bones, I have a problem."

McCoy says, "What is it, Jim?"

Kirk replies, "I can't stop singing 'Delilah' and 'The Green Green Grass of Home'. What's wrong with me?"

McCoy doesn't even stand up. "You've got 'Tom Jones Syndrome', Jim."

Kirk looks shaken, "Dear God. Is it rare?"

McCoy smiles, "It's not unusual."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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a man goes to the doctor

man: doc, i can't seem to get "green, green grass of home" out of my head.

doc: sounds like you have tom jones syndrome.

man: is it common?

doc: it's not unusual.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grabbiefox
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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Did you hear about the car made out of a tree?

It has the biggest trunk I've ever seen.

( http://inhabitat.com/the-unusual-cedar-rocket-is-the-fastest-all-electric-log-car-in-the-world/ )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pixiedonut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2016
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I think my boyfriend is trying to prove to my family his dad qualifications

Today we were having lunch in a fancy restaurant for my cousin's birthday.

The conversation turned to which unusual animals people had eaten and what they tasted like. My cousin goes "I wonder what platypus tastes like, fish?"

Boyfriend: "I've heard platypus is great until you get the bill"

He is constantly saying shit like this... he can't help himself.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2014
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Got my pregnant friend today

She was explaining to me that pregnancy causes her to do unusual things

Her: "I just do things that don't make sense. I put a knife in the fridge the other day."

Me: "You must have been craving cold cuts."

She was not amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmootCriminal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
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Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?

β€œHas your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” I asked my friend.

β€œHe wants to be a garbageman,” he replied.

β€œThat’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

β€œNot really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/topsarah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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Do you know how common the "Tom Jones Syndrome" is?

It's not unusual.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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