Unraveling Puns

you could go to jail for a very long time?

Somebody please write Mark Twain's biography and please title it either "Making a Mark" or "Unraveling Twain" I don't care which.

The bartender replies, "I'm sorry, but you're a rope. I can't serve you, and I'm not even sure how I could. Please leave."

A short time later, the rope comes back into the bar and asks for a beer.

The bartender, a bit annoyed at the situation, says, "Look, I told you I can't serve you. Just go away."

A few hours later, the rope comes back in again.

The bartender is getting mad now. "Look, I told you twice that I can't serve alcohol to a rope! Now get out and STAY OUT!"

Dejectedly, the rope leaves the bar and sits at the curb until a gentleman passes by. Suddenly, the piece of rope has an idea.

"Excuse me", says the rope, "but could you do me a favor?"

"Um... me?" says the puzzled gentleman. "Uh... I guess so..."

"Great! I just need you to tie a big ol' knot right in my middle."

"Well," says the gentleman. "I just so happens I was a former Eagle Scout. Here you go," and ties a perfect knot in the rope. "Will that be all?"

The rope pauses for a second and says, "Actually, could you pull apart my ends and unravel them for a bit?"

The gentleman obliges and goes on his merry way. The piece of rope, satisfied at its new appearance, heads back into the bar.

Furious, the bartender shouts, "HEY! Aren't you that same piece of rope I kicked out three times already?!?"

"No, I'm a frayed knot."

 

 

Then ask someone, "which of the 2 flaps do you think will unravel first?"

 

After they guess, let in unravel and go, "Its a tie!"

 

...continue doing this to every single person you can in the room wearing a shit eating grin the whole time, until your wife pulls you aside and tells you it's time to leave (out of embarrassment and frustration).

 

now you get to go back home and do Dad stuff as you please!

I'm wearing a wonder woman sweater with a big W on the front and my student asked if it was a Weezer sweater. I said no and I wouldn't want that sweater anyway because it would just unravel as I walked away. BOOM! Dad joke dropped!

One piece of string sits down while the other goes up to get drinks. The bartender says, "We don't serve pieces of string here." So the string goes back to its friend and tells it what the bartender said. The other piece of string grabs it, unravels it, and wraps it around itself, then heads over to the bar. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you one of those pieces of string?" And the string says, "Nope, I'm afraid not."

And he says, "bartender I've a had a really hard day at work I need a drink." And the bartender then says, "wait you're a piece of string, I can't serve you!" So the string leaves. Then he gets an idea, he ties himself in a knot and unravels his ends. Then he walks back in and the bartender says, "hey aren't you that string that just left?" To which he replies, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

My wife was teaching her best friend how to knit. She was doing quite well but for some extra encouragement I said:

"The basics are simple enough. It's when you get into the knitty gritty that things start to unravel.

Wife and friend shake their heads, so I say "Sorry, I didn't mean for my purls of wisdom to needle you."

More groans...

"Still," I said, "at least I kept it short and sweet. I mean, I could've spun you a proper yarn."

Wife to friend: "Right, pass me that soddin' knitting needle...!"

During the goodbyes my Dad said "We'll make sure to put out a welcome... Matt next time you come down".

After a few seconds to unravel the monstrosity that had just left my Dad's mouth, we groaned and walked away.

Three strings walk into a bar. The first string goes up to the bartender and says,

"Hello, I'd like a pitcher of beer and three frosty glasses for me and my buddies, please."

The bartender replies,

"Sorry pal, but we don't serve strings here."

Dejected, the first string returns to his friends and relays the transaction. The second string can't believe this, and walks swiftly up to the bartender and says,

"Hey, buddy. I need a pitcher of beer and three frosty glasses for me and my friends!"

The bartender sternly states,

"We don't serve strings here!" The second string returns to his friends, defeated. The third string looks at his pals and says,

"Guys, I got this."

He goes into the bathroom, unravels himself a little and tangles himself up a bit. He walks confidently up to the bartender and says with gusto,

"Bartender! You are going to give me and my friends a pitcher of your finest beer, and three frosty glasses, on the double!"

The bartender sighs and says,

"Like I told your buddies, WE DON'T SERVE STRINGS HERE."

The third string leans across the bar, chuckles, and says,

"String? I'm a frayed knot."