Unimpressed Puns

I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."

"Nope, they were cooked in Greece!"

The mother says, "Hey everyone, look at that. Isn't that amazing?" The father, unimpressed, replies, "It's just an algorithm".

All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.

So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself “ooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”

So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, “Oh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”

The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts “tree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”

The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. “Well I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, “Ahhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping “bulp!”, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. “WELL I’LL BE! THAT’S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!”

The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman “Master, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?”

The Irishman looks to the genie and says “oh tat’s easy! I’ll have two more of these!”

Unimpressed Friend: So, Crates...

"I've just discovered the recipe for an amazing type of cheese sauce made with cheese, butter, flour, milk, and peppers!" he exclaims.

The friend, unimpressed, replies, "K, so?"

3 year old (runs up to me in her Sunday dress): Look dad I'm a princess. I'm Belle!

Me: you're the belle of the ball?

(Wife looks unimpressed, the joke is lost on the 3 year old) 3 year old: No, Belle!

Me: No, Belle? I guess you're a prize then!

(3 year old runs off to do three year old things, the wife groans hard)

Had lunch with a friend. When the waitress came with the check, she mentioned that if we called in and answered a few questions regarding the meal, I could get a free queso.

Without thinking, I said, "Case o' what?"

She looked rather unimpressed. I had to apologize by explaining I was a dad. She remained unimpressed. My friend was on the floor laughing. He's a dad too.

TL;DR - Dad-joked a waitress and won a queso shame.

While waiting for the final song of my niece's orchestra concert to begin the conductor turns to the audience and says "one moment please, we are missing our basoonist." Without skipping a beat I say "WELL HE BETTER GET HERE SOONIST!" My family was unimpressed.

Unimpressive until you hit the links

I was scanning bays 400-415 and when I reached bay 404 I turned to my boss and said with a straight face "I just got an error. It's saying the bay cannot be found..." He asked what bay I was up to and I told him 404.

He looked at me with an unimpressed face while a colleague said that was beyond nerdy. I chuckled to myself for the next few minutes.

So, this just happened last night. My son (11 years old, and a true lover of dad jokes) is not presently speaking to me.

After i just finished cutting an avocado in two... Me: Shall we "halve" some avocado with dinner tonight? Huh? Huh? (Dramatically pointing to the cut produce in Vanna White style.) Son: (Unimpressed). I might take a little. Me: You might? I say you "halve two!" (Again gesturing dramatically to the two halves.) Son: groan That was TERRIBLE... But you score extra points for a double pun. Me: Av-a-cad-o million more where those came from. Mic Drop

So I work in a restaurant and one of the duties shared by the servers is marrying ketchups, which is basically just pouring half full ketchups into each other so we don't end up pouring new ketchup on top of old ketchup.

A new server asked me the best way to do this so I took her back to the kitchen, grabbed two bottles of ketchup and proclaimed:

"If anybody knows of any reason why these two ketchups should not be joined in holy condimony, let them speak now, or forever hold their mustard."

She laughed, other servers were unimpressed.

When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one another then back at their guide. "Trust me," he told them, "It's guaranteed or your money back." Having no plans and now both understandably intrigued, the pair agreed. When they arrived at the roller coaster, they were amazed to behold the giant steel skeleton of the most intricate ride they'd ever seen. It had loops, helixes, corkscrews and drops more terrifying than anything they'd ridden back home. The son quickly rescinded his consent and turned you guys father. "There's no way I'm getting on that thing. You go first," he said, "Then you can tell me if it's worth it." Not wanting to seem a coward, the father accepted. Stepping into the first car, he seated himself. As the attendant approached to check his shoulder restraint, her couldn't help but ask, "So how exactly am I supposed to learn an entire language from a roller coaster?" The attendant smiled and replied simply, "You'll see." Anticipation turned to unease as the cars lurched upward towards the first drop. The seconds felt like hours as the car climbed higher and higher, clicking steadily while the chain pulled it skyward. As the nose of the car tipped downward and he could see the enormous drop below, his inner fear turned verbal. Without thinking he screamed, "minä kuolen!" As he rounded the first turn and into an inverted twist, he debut another exclamation well inside and burst forth. "naida!" He screamed as the ride continued. A few minutes and many foreign-tongued exclamations later, he found himself back at the station trying to catch his breath with the smiling attendant removing his restraints. His ran up to his son and declared, "It really works! I'm not sure how, but it really works!" "How was it?" the son asked unimpressed. "It was a wild ride from start to Finnish." "The son smiled weakly. "Yeah , the cabbie stole our luggage."

Me: (grabs his leek) Did you know that it's bad luck to take these on any sort of boat?

Customer: Oh really?

Me: Oh yeah, sailors hate a leeky boat.

Customer: (stares at me, completely unimpressed)

Me: That'll be $15 sir.

I recently got a new pair of kicks and showed them to my mom. She seemed unimpressed at first. I noted, "They have a certain shoey-ness about them".

She: "A certain shoe ne sais quoi"

Possibly the best dad-joke I've ever heard...

I had a quintessential moment that I never thought would come...

My family and I were at church, and my son comes over and pokes at me to get my attention. I lean in close, and he says "I'm hungry."

My response? "Hello Hungry. I'm Dad, how are you?"

Needless to say, there were some folks who were unimpressed with us trying to stifle our laughter...or my pride that he thought it was funny. Got to start 'em young!

We were sitting chilling on the sofa, watching crap telly, she turned to me and said, "I'm tired".

"Nice to meet you tired, I'm Simon"

She's well used to my shit, so she fixed me with a steely gaze, totally unimpressed, and barked, "You're so funny".

"No, I'm Simon. I just told you that".

I snickered silently to myself as I ducked under the remote control that was thrown -hard- at my head.

We're all sat watching a film with Christopher Plummer

Me: Is that Christopher Plummer?

Dad: No , it's Christopher the electrician.

cue exceptionally unimpressed look from me

I had steak cooking outside on the grill and when I came back out after a couple of minutes, I found the grill had caught on fire and flames were doing a nice char-grilled number on the meat.

Cue me bursting into full rendition of Alicia Keys' recent song, "This grill is on fire...."

Daughters, wife and mother-in-law were disappointingly unimpressed.

"I was thinking about trying out a geography minor."

"Oh really? What makes you want to head in that direction." - Pun one she doesn't acknowledge

"I don't know I just find it interesting. I think I'd like to try human geography."

"Oh really? My cousin told me he took physical geography and said it rocks." - She pauses and stares at me with an unimpressed face, but reluctantly continues

"No I think people geography would be more my style."

"Ya I can see that. You're much more of a people person." - Her eyes flare as it's obvious shes holding back a bellowing guffaw

"We're done here."

So this guy has a talking dog, which he brings to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent, "Okay, sport," the guy says to the dog, "What's on top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds, "all dogs go 'roof'." "No, wait" the guy says. He asks the dog what sandpaper feels like. "Rough" the dog replies. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He began to lose his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says, turning to his dog, "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" the dog answered. The talent agent, having seen enough, kicks them out of his office and into the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says, "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

We visited with some of my dad's family we haven't seen in years. We went to Chinese food for lunch then to my Great Grandma's for gifts. We took 2 cars and they arrived slightly later then us. My uncle gets out of the car and says "Hey! You look like this group we had lunch with!" Everyone Was very unimpressed. I was almost crying

While waiting for the final song of my niece's orchestra concert to begin the conductor turns to the audience and says "one moment please, we are missing our bassoonist."

Without skipping a beat I say "WELL HE BETTER GET HERE SOONIST!"

My family was unimpressed.