Holmes and Watson are creeping stealthy along the Street, searching for clues, when Holmes suddenly spots a Bakery shop window and scans it with his magnifying glass. Watson perplexed, says to Sherlock " What are you looking for exactly ? " ...Holmes replies...

" You know my method. It's founded upon the observation of Trifles. "

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was reading a bedtime story to my daughter when the book abruptly ended. We were both perplexed, and my daughter asked, β€œIs it over?”, to which I replied,

β€œYep, that’s all she wrote!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Campagnolo412
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"

Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Carr3iroh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My three year old girl asked me, "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation, so I explained, "You just ate breakfast, yes?"

"Yes." she replied.

"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"

She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad comes into my room looking really worried, I ask him what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help, He responds by saying "I lost the book which had all the photos and message from my friends"

Knowing a slam book could not be replaced I tried consoling him, but I remembered digitalized it for him a year ago I quickly logged on to the PC to check if I had a backup. He quickly smiled and said it had a Blue cover, after about 10mins of searching I asked him if he remembered what I named the book. He burst out and said Facebook.

Frustrated I left the room to find my entire family sitting in the hall, and my mother goes "He did it to you too, didn't he"

And I'm here perplexed by the lengths a dad would go for his jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ancil5199
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load.

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/always-paranoid
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A man and a woman are at a bar

A man and a woman are sitting in a bar. After some time, the woman notices that the man has not looked in her direction once. Curious, she asks the man if he would like to buy her a drink.

Playing coy the man responds, "Ma'am, you are beautiful indeed, but are you talented as well?"

Feeling flirty, the woman takes a cherry from the bar and puts it in her mouth, stem and all. Within seconds she swallows the cherry, spits out the seed, and reveals the stem, tied in a perfect knot.

The man chuckles. Without another word he picks up a cherry and pulls off the stem. He puts the stem in his mouth, and pounds the rest of his beer in one gulp, revealing and empty mouth to the woman.

Perplexed, the woman asks, "Is that supposed to impress me?"

Confidently, the man replies, "Indeed I do believe it will."

She laughs and says, "It will? Are you shitting me?"

He responds, "I shit you knot."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MadeToDisagree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A baker’s son wakes up in the hospital with no legs.

The father asked him if he was feeling sad.

The boy said no I deserved this I got too into the breadmaking and lost my cool.

The man sat back in his chair perplexed even more.

He asked him ok but why did you need them?

The boy looked confused.

Everyone needs them, to walk to run and to play.

No but why the fuck did you knead them?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/distantcurtis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call 2 doctors?

Paramedics.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/repIies_with_puns
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A man goes the doctor complaining of a very sore leg.

He gets in early at 11.55am, and tells the doctor his leg is sore.

He then explains that he’s also experiencing some other weird things with the leg.

The man explains to the doctor that every hour on the hour, his thigh asks for money.

The Doctor is a bit perplexed, but waits until 12.00 and uses his stethoscope to listen to the thigh.

Sure enough, at 12.00 the Doctor hears the thigh say β€œHave you got 10 bucks. Can I borrow 10 bucks, I really need the money”.

The Doctor doesn’t understand what’s going on. Then the man says, at every quarter hour, my knee also asks for money. At 12.15, the Doctor listens to the mans knee through his stethoscope where he hears the knee say β€œHave you got 20 bucks. Can I borrow 20 bucks, I really need the money”.

The Doctor is even more befuddled.

Then the man says, at every half hour, my ankle asks for money. At 12.30, the Doctor listens to the mans ankle through his stethoscope where he hears the ankle say β€˜Have you got 50 bucks. Can I borrow 50 bucks, I really need the money”.

The doctor tells the man he doesn’t know what’s going on. It’s something he’s never encountered before.

The Doctor asks the man to come back in a week where the Doctor will do some research in the interim.

A week later the man comes back and asks the Doctor if he has any news.

The Doctor says yes – he’d done some research into the problem and found that the mans leg was broke in 3 places

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Me to my wife: Cool, the Grammies will only be on for a minute!

Her: looks at me, perplexed Me: They just said it’s the sixty second Grammy awards... Her: Get out

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sr3jan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Two men are working on a shipping boat headed to Ireland...

They are both quality control managers and are instructed to check on the product before leaving.

They go below deck and open on of the boxes, and inside are hundreds of potatoes. One of them picks one up and notices that it’s a very odd shape for a potato. He picks up another and is also perplexed by its peculiarity.

He picks up a third and realizes that they are all shaped like penises. He says to his friend β€œI don’t think we can work on this ship with all these penis potatoes.”

So they go up to the captains quarters to quit. When they arrive they say β€œCaptain, we cant work on this ship. We would like to get off.”

He looks them in the eye and says, β€œI’m sorry gentlemen. This isn’t a democracy. It’s a dictatorship.”

β€”

Originally read on r/jokes , but reworded for brevity.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RefrigeratorRock
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a pasta restaurant

Under the sign saying the name of the restaurant it said β€œvery cheap pasta.” When the waiter came to take my order I asked him: How cheap exactly is your pasta He answered: just as cheap as any other pasta Very confused I asked him to rephrase and he answered :just as cheap as any other pasta Still quite perplexed I asked him to give me an example.

He then told me: just as expensive as a penne.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/santaman33
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A black horse walks into an English pub.

The barman says "Hey, you know this pub's named after you?"

The horse looks perplexed.

"...Steve?"

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SparklyBoat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Born again

The other day I was telling my wife that I was thinking about finding god and becoming β€œborn again.” She looked a little perplexed and said β€œno way” I looked at her and said β€œYahweh.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rustang2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad was buying us snacks at Disneyland...

It was raining heavily, we were all wearing our ponchos, and my Dad was grabbing some snacks at one of those stands. The cashier informed him of the total amount due, and with a credit card in his hand he asked, "do you take plastic?" The cashier responded with a "yes" and he proceeded to hand her part of his poncho. He looked towards us with a massive grin as the cashier stood perplexed. He looked more proud of himself than I've ever seen him!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nietzscheman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
🚨︎ report
There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onmugen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
🚨︎ report
If I had known that this subreddit existed, I would've shared the tale of Brown Paper Bart with you long ago.

A man is riding his horse through the desert, and, well, he starts to get thirsty. He sees a small town off in the distance, so he sets off in that direction to get some water for his horse and some whiskey for hisself.

Well, as he gets into that little town he starts to notice something peculiar. Not a soul is out. Sun's setting, but still plenty of light. Water in the horse troughs tells him it ain't a ghost town, but folks ain't comin' out for some reason.

Now, as soon as he turns onto the town's main street, he sees a soberin' sight; the sheriff, on a ladder, hammering the last nail into a brand new gallows. He sidles his horse on up to the sheriff and says, "Pardon me sheriff. I don't mean to pry, but pray tell, who're them gallows fer?"

The sheriff looks around, surprised to see someone out. He steps down, takes off his hat and scratches the back of his head thoughtfully, before replying, "Well, I reckon you must be a stranger in these parts. I reckon then that you ain't never heard of Brown Paper Bart. Anyway, we're lynchin' him come sunrise."

"Brown Paper Bart? I reckon not, sheriff. That's a mighty peculiar name, pray tell, whaddaya call him Brown Paper Bart fer?"

"Wayill, I reckon we call him Brown Paper Bart on account 'a the fact that everything he wears is made a' brown paper. His hat's made a' brown paper, his boots is made a' brown paper. His chaps is made a' brown paper, his neckerchief's made a brown paper. Heck dang shoot, even his lunch bag is made a' brown paper!"

The man looks at the sheriff a moment, perplexed, before replying, "Well, sheriff, I reckon that's a mighty peculiar thing for a man to do, but that don't explain these brand new gallows. Pray tell, what're you lynchin' Brown Paper Bart fer?"

[Insert a dad-length pause here.]

"...Rustlin'."

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/malenkylizards
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2013
🚨︎ report
Got a whole group tonight

I was catching up on what I had missed in last week's Bible study. I asked who made tea last week. I got an answer of "Kate" with perplexed looks. "That's terrible!" I responded. "We're studying Hebrews"

Groans ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the-garden-gnome
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2016
🚨︎ report
This is my dad, literally every time we have Chinese food.

Fortune cookies on table
Dad opens one, and cracks it. Reads fortune to himself, and is "perplexed."

Dad: This is weird.
Sucker who hasn't had Chinese food with us before: What's weird?
Dad: My fortune. It says "help, I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory."

EVERYONE ROLLS EYES HARD AS HELL

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daverockstar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
🚨︎ report
My Dad was buying us snacks at Disneyland...

It was raining heavily, we were all wearing our ponchos, and my Dad was grabbing some snacks at one of those stands. The cashier informed him of the total amount due, and with a credit card in his hand he asked, "do you take plastic?" The cashier responded with a "yes" and he proceeded to hand her part of his poncho. He looked towards us with a massive grin as the cashier stood perplexed. He looked more proud of himself than I've ever seen him!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nietzscheman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.