My friend who is a snake charmer is marrying an undertaker.

I bought them some 'Hiss and Hearse' towels as a wedding gift.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How did The Undertaker hurt his back?

He was dead lifting

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteElway
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Our local undertaker is Egyptian.

His motto is satisfaction guaranteed or your mummy back.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If a gardener has green fingers what does a hacker have?

Cryptoes

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meerkat6074
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
The WWE wrestler, The Undertaker, does not give autographs.

He is known to engrave things, though.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Coffin undertaker is a dying business
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goodmug
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The Undertaker is a friend to all.

He's the last guy to let you down

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the undertaker say when he realized he'd buried the wrong coffin?

I've made a grave mistake

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MakeMeADonut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
On my first day as undertaker, I managed to drop the coffin as I was loading it onto the car.

My boss was supportive and told me I just had to rehearse it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Berd89
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I got offered a job as an undertaker but I turned it down.

I couldn't dig it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mistah-S
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How does an undertaker make his money?

He urns it.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiggiePhats
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coroner’s office

It’s a pretty big undertaking

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axnjxn_55
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The Undertaker opened a pizza place, but it isn’t doing very well

Apparently he just serves Tombstones

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Souplorde
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
You guys know the undertaker vs Kane buried alive match?

Yeah they were both in grave danger.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghost_Wish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Undertakers are always deadlifting.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
You know what I said to the salesman today who tried to sell me a coffin?

That's the last thing I need.

πŸ‘︎ 734
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Just found out how I’ll be paying my income tax in my new job as an undertaker.

It’ll be pay as you urn.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/littleboypunder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the man with Tuberculosis say to the undertaker?

I'm here about my coughin'.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keikoateme
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the undertaker get kicked out of the poker tournament?

He stiffed on a bet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
🚨︎ report
There was a man that wasn't allowed to fart.

Since he started dating, his girlfriend would chastise him to great lengths everytime he felt the need to fart.

After they got married, the situation was maintained. He couldn't possibly fart near his wife. Sometimes he had to leave the house, just to pass some gas.

When he was really old, he died peacefully during in his sleep while lying on his back. She called the undertaker, so the arrangements for the funeral could be made.

When the undertaker rolled the man of the bed, there was a massive fart. The undertaker looked to the now widow to see how she was going to react, but she simply said:

"No need to chastise him anymore. Hee can RIP in Peace!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DangerASA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the undertaker use to capitalize his letters when typing an essay?

The graveyard shift

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imthexbot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the 500 pound man that they had to bury with a backhoe?

It was a huge undertaking.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm organising a funeral for the world's fattest man

That's a big undertaking

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I might start up a funeral home.

But it turned out to be quite the undertaking.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
A facepalmer from my Dad.

Backstory: Family friend has a new job, he's an Undertaker. He was in hospital because of a serious lung infection.

Dad: 'By the way [family friend] is an Undertaker now'.

Me: 'what!? Of all jobs I would have never have guessed that'.

Dad: 'yeh it surprised me too, he was in hospital not too long ago and was in a bad way'.

Step mother: 'yeh he had something with his lungs, an infection I think like pneumonia, almost killed him' .

Dad: 'doesn't surprise me though with him being in hospital, probably because of all that coffin'.

Dad: starts giggling to himself.

Me: 'really?...'.

Dad: 'what? I thought that was quite good'.

He has his moments.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoboOfTheSeas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I never want to be a mortician...

It's too grave an undertaking.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExplosiveLlama
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2015
🚨︎ report
Japan built a giant sculpture of Darth Vader for the Sapporo Snow Festival.

It was a monumental undertaking.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pickelsurprise
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2015
🚨︎ report

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