I hate that I laughed so hard at this
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CasuallyCritical
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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Ireland has the worlds fastest growing capital city...

Every year it's Dublin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yourself2343
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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You underestimate my power
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Never underestimate the value

of a good poofreader.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Mannequin:You underestimate my power
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glaidtors
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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How does a millennial learn to tell the time?

With TikTok.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/tyrannosaur85
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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What's the difference between sex for money and sex for free?

Sex for free costs more.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wazzzzah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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πŸ‘︎ 163
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeetus_christ420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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I went to the bakery and noticed I was the only one there.

It was completely desserted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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I bought a used wind tunnel for really cheap but underestimated the strength of the fans.

It blew me away.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSygil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
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Whenever I go to the supermarket with my dad...

He will do three things. Guaranteed.

  1. Pick up a bottle of milk and shake it, asking if we want milkshake.

  2. Go up to a young teenager stacking shelves and ask for whatever they're currently restocking on the shelves and watch as they scratch their heads and look around only to hold out the item with a dumb look on their face (which surprisingly happens almost every time)

  3. Will get a bottle of water from the shelf and hold it high with one hand and drop it, catch it with his other hand then say "did you see that?! It was a beautiful waterfall!!!"

Obviously a hearty dad-chuckle follows each of these actions.

πŸ‘︎ 891
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaureoTheOreo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2013
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Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.

Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.

An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks β€œmay I join you?”

Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.

I named my hard drive β€œdat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to β€˜back dat ass up’.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

I changed my password to β€œincorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say β€œYour password is incorrect”.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.

I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
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