I turned down a job that paid in vegetables.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Nov 03 2022
I turned into a car yesterday.
It was an autobody experience.
π︎ 111
π
︎ Dec 26 2022
Opened a furniture shop it turned a quick profit calling itβ¦
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 14 2022
My Daughter turned 18 over the weekend, so I bought her a locket with a picture of herself inside. Thankfully, she's now finally..
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Jul 11 2022
What does a Pop artist turned farmer call his favourite sheep?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 15 2022
I dated a surgeon who turned out to be a kleptomaniac, she stole my heart..
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 28 2022
I turned to my wife and told her I should of worked at a bar.
Because Im really good at lifting spirits.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 03 2022
Although not terribly handy, I convinced my wife to let me "help" her hang some window coverings today. The first window covering was a "cinch" to install, and as I turned to boast of my "awesome skills", the darn thing fell and smacked me upside the head.
I was totally blind-sided.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 22 2022
The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said βIβve just done a silent fart. What should I do?β
He said, βGet the batteries in your hearing aids changed.β
π︎ 5k
π
︎ May 30 2022
What did the metal plant worker say when he was turned into a frog
π︎ 441
π
︎ Aug 04 2022
Villager 1: Flee for your lives! The mad scientist in the castle turned a tiny lizard into a monster that's destroying everything in its path!
Villager 2: Meh, why bother. We're doomed from the gecko.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 16 2022
My son pointed a flashlight at his face and turned it on.
He was so excited, his face lit up.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Oct 09 2022
Howdy this is Elvis and I have a joke for you fine people today. How come my hair has turned grey?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 05 2022
My daughter turned suddenly to being a Vegan and got upset with me.
All I said was is it really Vegan to go Cold Turkey?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 04 2022
Two dears walked out of a gay bar. One turned to the other and said,
"I can't believe I just blew 20 bucks in there."
π︎ 32
π
︎ Aug 15 2022
What do you tell an anime character that's turned into a pigeon?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 05 2022
Adam turned out to be a pretty good writerβ¦
If youβre a fan of first-person narrative.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 24 2022
The zoo was turned into a university for the animals. Which was the brainiest part?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Sep 03 2022
A truck carrying a load of Vick's VapoRub over turned on the highway.
Amazingly, there wasn't any congestion for hours.
π︎ 140
π
︎ Jun 21 2022
my smow man had a tantrum and turned into a puddle.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 19 2022
My buddy was telling me a girl turned him down because he won't swim in the deep end of a pool
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jun 25 2022
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Sep 14 2021
What did the mouth say to the stomach after a joke turned sour?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 27 2022
Our local theater just turned their entire stage into a dictionary!
They wanted to do a play on words.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 31 2022
I bought a painting of an ancient Mongolian leader, but it turned out to be junk.
The guy who sold it to me was a khan artist.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jul 02 2022
The weather forecast said that a monsoon was coming, but when it arrived it turned out not to be a monsoon at all.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 08 2022
A drunk was walking on the sidewalk minding his own business when he sees a thief run by him and then turns the corner. Shortly after a cop walk by and asks the man βdid you happen to see the thief that turned the cornerβ to which the drunk repliesβ¦
βIdk man when I got here the corner was already turnedβ
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 19 2022
Did you hear about the prince who got turned into a toad?
He wanted to go infrognito.
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 24 2022
Iron Man has just turned into a villain.
It's such a Stark contrast.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 28 2022
I couldn't make it as a chef when I turned 18.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 14 2022
I went on an expedition with a group to the Arctic Circle. Once we reached the North Pole, the guide turned to me and saidβ¦
Crap, this is the point of the journey where it all goes south.
(Not a true story, but as a dad I would totally do this.)
π︎ 34
π
︎ Jun 03 2022
I have a friend who was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but he turned himself around.
That's what it's all about!
π︎ 54
π
︎ Jan 01 2022
Did you hear about the member of the United Society of Believers in Christ's Second Appearing who got turned around on his trip to the big city and ended up in a bad part of town, where he was mugged?
It was a lost Shaker assault.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 16 2022
I bought A Nintendo that turned out to be fake
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 01 2022
I once told a dad joke with the lights turned out.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 22 2022
I wanted to explain how I turned into a cat...
But they wouldn't hear me out.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 18 2022
What do you call a bunch of prostitutes who turned into zombies?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 14 2021
Did you hear for the first time they successfully turned a pistil into a stamen?
It was the world's first TRANS-plant.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 17 2022
I recently turned down a position making tables
I didn't fancy a desk job
π︎ 24
π
︎ Nov 29 2021
My wife turned me into a Millionaire...
I used to be Billionaire.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 15 2022
Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
π︎ 41
π
︎ Jun 10 2021
I turned down a job where I would be paid in vegetables.
The celery was unacceptable.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Apr 22 2022
The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, βIβve just done a silent fart. What should I do?β
He said, βChange the batteries in your hearing aidβ.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jun 19 2021
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
π︎ 35k
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
