I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
I was relatively lucky growing up. I was a (mostly) healthy, (mostly) cisgender, (mostly) straight white male. My dad worked his way into a decent job and, thanks to the union, my brothers and I had access to medical care. My school system was well staffed and well funded, at least compared to most I’ve seen. My family was close, and supported me into early adulthood.
I never really did anything spectacular with my life. That’s fine, most people don’t. Thing is, I have zero doubt that somewhere out there, in Lagos or Detroit or Turdlick, Iowa, there’s at least one kid (probably several thousand) who, if given the advantages I had, would have gone on to invent a new surgical procedure that would improve countless lives. Or be part of the team that made the first artificial pancreas, or a battery of sufficient energy density to make city-scale electricity storage or all-electric commercial airflight a reality. Or any number of other wonderful things I can’t even begin to imagine. That is just part of the cost of childhood poverty and insecurity.
Those who like to call themselves “pro-life” love to throw out the “If X had been aborted, they never could have done Y.” And while that’s technically true, living up to one’s full potential requires more than just a heartbeat. It requires opportunity. It requires resources. It requires support. And that’s why we need a robust social safety net. Not just because it is clearly good and right and just (it is all those things as well, but immoral people are seldom swayed by moral arguments), but because all of us lose out when any of us are denied the tools needed to become the best version of themselves. And the fact that we rob so many millions of children of those tools just so a handful of wealthy sociopaths can hoard even more wealth and power isn’t just morally repugnant, it’s idiotic to the point of near suicidality.
Do your worst!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
It was about a weak back.
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Him: I can explain everything!
(It's his best joke yet I think)
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
But nobody ever mentions his sister, Onya, who invented the starter pistol.
