Thrombocyte Puns

[Unrelated][One shot]

Today was a glorious day. I was quite nervous, actually. I'd been picked from the my fellows with the important duties to guard, escort, and keep safe the aliens that would be landing for the first time today. Second contact. Nearly 50 cycles ago, we had received a message from the stars. While it did not last long, it proved we were not alone. The message made it appear that they were friendly, but far too far away, trapped by C and doomed never to meet us. They apparently had cast these messages to all nearby worlds that might harbor life. We were joyous, and promptly replied. This revolutionized our world, our culture, our worldview as a whole. The world was a turbulent place, and many atrocities occurred from the shock, but it has been our most peaceful time in all history. And then, not ten cycles ago, we received another message. From another source.

Humans, they called themselves. These people were not daunted by the barriers of C, and nearly a year ago, arrived in orbit around our world, after hurtling across at high speed. For the past year our two peoples translated each other's language and learned each other's histories. And today, I, Tomban, was among those that would be charged with protection of these aliens as they landed for the first time to meet our leaders in person. But I was nervous, because albeit our people are mostly peaceful, some of us are afflicted with illnesses that would cause us to commit senseless harm. And these Humans, they looked like Grubs, like our younglings, or like the worms that crawl in the dirt. They look so fragile, so weak. They are not gifted with hardened shells of chitin as we are. I fear a blade will not be turned by their reportedly soft skin, and that it will instead sink in and slay all we have worked for.

I shall endeavor to perform my job well.

As the alien's shuttle came to a landing at one of our larger airports, I and my brothers shuffled forwards to meet them. After much ceremony, I and my fellows were presented to the aliens as their guards, to pair up and show them the sights and sounds and smells we offer. The human I was paired with was also apparently male, and was named "Thomas" no doubt paired because our names when translated, sounded similar to one another. "Thomas" greeted me with an outsretched manipulator (a "Hand") that I had been told I was to grasp and shake, as it was a

Hello,

I'm a blood donator for several years now and I've got a phone call from the hospital I'm donating blood and thrombocytes to. They've got a patient that needs a thrombocyte donation and I'm the only guy on their list who is able to donate this seemingly rare type of thrombocytes. The guy I talked to asked me if I took any painkillers and I said no. The only stuff I took around 3 days ago was one pill of loperamide because I didn't feel so well this day (rather took it just to be sure not because I actually needed it)... Would this be a problem if I donate thrombocytes in around 2 days?

Hi guys,

I did a blood test and got the following results: Red blood cells : 4.35 T/L (ref interval: 4.5 to 5.5 T/L) Hematocrit : 39,6% (ref interval: 40 to 54%) Thrombocyte : 145 G/L (ref interval : 150 to 350 G/L)

I got these below normal results since the last 5 years. Even so it is a not a big deficiency, I would like to correct it. What do you advise me to do or take ?

Thanks, Soderguy

In physiology we have to count thrombocytes and in order to set it up we need Na-citrate, HgCl2, blue colour, water and in another one just 3,33 mol. solute of urea.

Im only wondering what the Urea does and why do we have to suck in the solute first, then the blood and then again the solute.

Do your worst!

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

You take away their little brooms

Thrombocytes PCT - 0.15 (below the norm)

Leukocytes WBC - 3.88 (below the norm)

Hematocrit HCT - 50

Erythrocytes RBC - 5.57

Neutrophils NEUT - 1.78 (below the norm)

Lymphocytes LYM - 1.66

Lymphocytes LYM % - 43 (higher than the norm)

Spleen is enlarged almost out of the norm.

Male - 35 years old. He also has big stones in his kidney.

All other indicators were normal. What might these deviations mean? Leukemia? Or something else serious?

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!